i.e. bad doctors, bad gardeners, etc?
Every time I see my mother all she talks about is negative stuff, it is so hard for me to listen to. There is never, and I mean never anything good that she talks about. The adult grandchildren really don't see her, because of this. My father died about 6 years ago, she was negative then but now it is terrible. She mostly sits at home all day, she is 85 years old. She keeps talking about all the doctor appointment she needs, eye doctor, skin doctor, etc, but never makes the appointments - we finally got rid of her car this year, and she still talks about how she wishes she had the car, which she hadn't driven in over a year, and even then maybe once or twice. I drive her to all her appointments, with a full time job.
I"m glad that you have this place to vent safely!
The old "brought up to not talk about our family".still exists and is one of the most dysfunctional ways to hide all sorts of family secrets that don't get talked about sometimes even with other family members, but sometimes they already know. I wish people would let go of that unhealthy way of being a family.
I grew up that was and so did my wife. Many years down the road, I learned that what I thought was a family secret within just my family was known by her sister. Again, that is a very unfortunate way grow up and to live.
I hope you keep getting free from that background.
When she says something nice, give her a candy (or some other treat.)
Hey, make a game of it. Keep score. Good Luck! You gotta laugh!
1. Like my dad, they look back over their life and what they learned long the way and feel good overall about their past. The only two hurts that he carries that he has talked about is son, do you know why you mother left me, and the pain of loosing his mother to suicide. Other than that, he is very content.
Some psychiatrist who concern themselves with psychological development over the years call this stage "Ego integrity"
2. Others look back over their lives and have an outlook of despair. This contributes to both depression and hopelessness.
Years ago, I met two sisters in a nursing home. They were full of despair and bitterness over how their lives turned out.
Unlike their siblings, they decided to stay home, never marry, never have a life apart from mom and dad for they were promised if they did that they would inherit the house and the farm.
In the end, they got what they were promised, but when they considered the lives of their siblings which was so full and alive, they felt empty and all alone. They regretted very much their earlier decision but there was nothing they could do about it. They never really had a life after their parents died for they did not have their own life before their parents died. I've seen the same thing happen to men who stay home with mom, even if they work outside of the home very often end up in despair for they never had a life apart from their mom.
How very sad.