His next Meal. Te doctor told me to take a break. I went to the beach with my girlfriend for 4 days. He changed when I got back. He’s trying harder now. He makes me feel so guilty. I had to put him back into therapy because he wasn’t trying to walk. He would sit in his wheelchair and watch tv. It’s like he didn’t care about my life or my well-being. He was just being lazy. I’m just so burnt out.
As a comparison, my older sister Mary had a serious stroke aged 26, was in hospital for 3 months, permanently paralysed down one side and with bad aphasia. She refused ‘therapy’ they suggested – being put into a sheltered workshop – went on to finish qualifying as an accountant, ran her own successful accountancy audit business and ran the financial management for the family manufacturing business. Her aphasia has improved, though speech is slow, and she types with one hand. Your 'lovable' husband just wants to be a permanent dependent? This story about my sister is true, read it to him, and make sure he is ashamed of himself! Mary is still doing her best at age 78.
As an example, I liked Big Brother and Survivor to name 2 shows. I have not watched an episode of either one and don't miss it. Another example, Days of Our Lives has moved to pay to watch Peacock network, they've put another news program in its place. Another hour freed up from being in front of the tube.
I can totally understand why you're burnt out! Caregiving is hard but if your LO isn't even trying? Ugh, that's just adding insult to injury.
What are his deficits from his stroke? You said he's back in therapy because he wasn't trying to walk - I assume that he meant he was walking?
64 is MUCH too young for him to give up! What were his interests and his activity level before the stroke? He should, IMHO, get back as close to those levels as he can, given any actual restrictions from the stroke. There are often work arounds and new ways to do things that can give him back a lot of what the stroke may have taken away.
Once he gets back to where he should be with PT, I would put that wheelchair away. I would make him walk to the dinner table for meals. To the bathroom. Out to get the mail. To the car, etc etc. Don't allow him to wallow in his self pity.
Maybe he needs something productive to do, both inside and outside of the house. He needs to help out - do chores, etc. It's good PT and you should not be expected to do everything if he is at all capable of doing anything. Outside of the house - maybe he can do volunteer work? Or a simple job? I bet he'll be less depressed if he is doing better and being productive.
Good luck!
Your profile says he suffers from depression. Is he being treated for it? If so is he cooperating with his treatment? If not, why not? If he hasn't really been diagnosed with depression I would take him to a doctor and explore options to treat him, like medication or therapy. If he resists tell him it is a condition under which you will continue to be his in-home caregiver. Any resistance may mean he gets transitioned into a facility because it is too overwhelming for you. Be kind and gentle when discussing this, since you are burnt out. I wish you all the best as you navigate this together!