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My parents both have the same PCP who they have been seeing for the last 12 years. When they first started seeing him, they were both independent and were being treated for nothing more than high blood pressure. In the last six years dad got COPD and mom got dementia and neuropathy and lost mobility so began using a walker. Her dementia got progressively worse and was obvious. Dad’s COPD was getting worse the last two years. My sister and I are both on their Hippa forms. I accompanied them to a couple appointments. Just a few months ago I was also with them as I took dad in when he was have difficulty breathing and they said they suspected CHF. Test results later confirmed it, but I left the appointment with my very confused mother struggling with her walker, and my 89-year-old dad struggling to walk 10 feet without sitting down. My question is, is it normal that nobody at their doctor’s office ever asked me how my parents were managing all of their conditions at home? Should someone perhaps have inquired as to whether this 89 year old man with COPD and heart failure might need some extra plans to also do the caregiving to his wife with dementia? I see so frequently to ask your PCP about such issues, but he did not show any awareness. It sort of feels a bit like he brushed them off.

Thanks everyone. I should make one correction that there was one individual in their PCP office who did comment. I had taken my mom to the bathroom, and on our way back down the hall to the exam room we passed two young nurse assistants who just starred at us as we walked by but I heard one say “that’s just sad. I hope I never get that way.” So there we go, one person noticed.
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Reply to AppleBlossom
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A PCP knows a little about everything and a lot about nothing.

Your Mom needs a neurologist not a PCP. Your Dad needs a Polmonologist. You should have been referred to both. Mom to determine what type of Dementia she has so she gets the appropriate meds if needed. Dad so he can get medication for his COPD and maybe oxygen if he is not getting it already. Does he check his pause ox levels?

You do realize that your parents now need 24/7 care. They should not be left alone.
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AppleBlossom Aug 2, 2024
Yes I realized my parents needed 24-7 care but am just surprised their PCP seemed he did not. I have since moved parents to an ALF as I believed their needs were beyond even what one caregiver could manage at their home. They also are both incontinent which their PCP did not acknowledge. I feel like I was the only one seeing the flashing lights blaring that these two people needed help.
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The medical practice where I go asks relevant questions about patients' situations at home. Such as, "Have you gone hungry in the last six months?" "Do you feel safe in your home?" Most of the patients there are geriatric, though. I believe that it's important for people over, say, the age Medicare kicks in, to have an internal medicine PCP who is a geriatric specialist. They are trained to work with the elderly and so many doctors are not.
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Reply to Fawnby
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I think they get numb to it . All the old people with walkers they see everyday just gets normalized. Not unusual .
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Reply to waytomisery
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ElizabethAR37 Aug 1, 2024
That's very possibly the case. I think they no longer view "old people" as "people". But then, many in our youth-oriented society do not. (I'm 87 so know of whence I speak.)
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Ugh I started a long reply to this then it disappeared. In my experience it's not surprising or unusual. Business as usual and it's the rare doctor who takes a genuine interest or is equipped to do anything about or make suggestions as to the caregiving aspect and at home management. They seem just as flummoxed as the rest of us.

Yes they may say call COA and elder services in your area. If they are really knowledgeable they may have some established relationships with providers who can help. A true geriatric practitioner is a rare bird. We are all out here floundering over a universal problem...

I cringe whenever a specialist say keep in touch with your pcp, ask your pcp if you have questions etc bc in my case my parents pcp is pretty useless beyond ordering labs and writing prescriptions..

RoslynnCarter famously said, 'there are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers"

And yet here we are all dealing with the same problems individually instead of in policy and as a society....

Rant over, I feel your pain.
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Reply to casole
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AppleBlossom Aug 2, 2024
I am with you in that the PCP seems mostly only capable (or willing) of doing labs and writing prescriptions. Any partnership in care seems to be expecting too much. It sure would have been nice to actually have a medical perspective on my parent’s combined situation. I was on my own when I moved them to an ALF thinking their situation had become too overwhelming for them to stay at home. It seems like “ask your doctor about…” is just a sales line.
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I have found that modern medicine is very much based on our complaints. If we don't speak up, the medical staff doesn't see anything.

Kinda like don't ask, don't tell.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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AppleBlossom Aug 1, 2024
Interesting. It seems a bit selective. They seem to call and question when they want you to have a test you do not want. Sort of like they tell you, just do not question them.
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