As my parents age, I'm finding myself more worried about my own old age. On some level I notice that they aren't much different than they ever were, but I don't want to be like them! Recently, my mom said the same thing about her mother!!
My dad is 87 and my mom 92. My dad is still doing pretty well, although he's slowing down and obviously overwhelmed a lot of the time. He does try, but everything is an effort, from cell phones to computers. Of course, I can understand that. But, I'll admit that I get kind of frustrated that everything seems to be difficult for him.
My mom has dementia, but in a lot of ways, she is still doing well. Still, it's depressing to see her forgetting EVERYTHING and constantly repeating herself.
I find myself waking up at night worrying that I'll end up like them. I want more than that for myself and my husband. I don't want us to end up being so unaware of what's going on around us. My mom says things like "old age isn't for sissies" (I know, Maye West) and, "the one thing about old age is you become invisible, no one notices you!" I don't think that's true, but on some level, it's my mom's excuse for not doing anything with herself. I don't want to be that way.
I'm 59 and 20 years go by in a flash. I'm healthy, smart (I think), take good care of myself and am trying hard to keep up with everything (up to a point). I love my parents, but they are bringing me down and scaring me.
To top it off, my husband and I don't have kids so at some point we are going to be dealing with all this stuff on our own. I worry so much that I feel like I'm taking away from all the wonderful things that I have now.
I know others must feel this way, too. I'd love to hear from you guys.
I also don't want to be like that! OK, I'm going a little overboard trying to leverage current medical knowledge to manage my health better than my ancestors...hardly a day goes by that I don't Google something on antioxidants, insulin resistance or estrogen receptors...I'm on yet another diet...but the main thing I'm planning on doing is staying active and involved, like the older folks in my Kiwanis club. Some of them that I admired the most - the WWII vet who quit golfing at 90 because he was unhappy with his game, but took it back up again once he realized there was a chance he could shoot lower than his age - the guy who hit the pavement and sold more tickets to our fundraisers than the rest of us put together til about the same age, after giving his wife the best care in the world for a couple of years after she had a stroke - have gone on now, but they all "lived 'til they died." (As in the lovely refrain to an old Irish dirnking song, "if the whiskey don't git me, I'll live 'til I die!")
So, I'm not sure if I'm telling you to join Kiwanis or some other group that inspires you (though you may want check it out, it really is a pretty cool service club - maybe it's that focus on "Serving the Children of the World" that keeps us young) or not too drink too much whiskey, but seriously, make a decision to stay connected and involved, be accepting rather than perfectionistic about what you can and can't do, and figure out who you can trust to take care of you the way you want in case you ever need it. Do your best, let God do the rest - don't worry about it if you have really done what you can. That Faith thing means a lot to me too...but faith or no, just worrying without doing what you can won't help anything, and what you can't do, well you can't do it!
PS to emio - the personal trainer is a great idea...and don't forget to wear a helmet when you're riding again!
Right now I'm very fortunate that (because of my dad) my parents are still quite independent. Still, being around them on a regular basis gives me a good dose of reality. I notice my brothers aren't nearly as bothered because they don't live nearby so don't see all the little things.
I tell myself I'm going to do better than my parents because I have to. My husband and I don't have kids so it's going to be up to us to make sure we get the care we need. I don't necessarily have a problem with forgetting some things and slowing down, but my biggest fear is I'll be peeing and pooping in my pants and grossing everyone out. I'll smell bad and I won't know it because my own sense of smell will be bad. I'll keep wearing the same clothes over and over again, even though there are stains down the front from where I spilled food and didn't notice.
I remember my mom saying to me, when she still had it together, to make sure I told her if she smelled bad or had messed up her clothes. Now, she doesn't seem to care.
Don't some elderly people continue to dress nicely and take care of themselves? Don't some continue to be interesting and interested in what's going on? I'd just like to witness some positives out there!
I travel a lot and I'm inspired by the number of elders who are in their 80s and still traveling either alone or with a caregiver, etc. they may have a walker or cane or wheelchair but they are still out there smiling and living life with aches pains, etc. I applaud them. I met a guy at a convention who was still a consultant and 88 and traveled on his own. Still sharp as a tack. How about that woman in PARADE magazine who was 94 and competing in track and field events. I go to YMCA and see amazing seniors alone and in groups doing wonderfully. I have visited AL facilities and see a wide range of elders in various states. Some have lost their mental faculties but are still smiling, happy and living their lives.
I take heart that I can be inspired by these brave "live every moment to the fullest" elders and I can age gracefully just like them until my last breath.
My grandfather died of prostate cancer; so did my Dad. And they accomplished a lot during their short lives. I strive to do the same. Working out regularly, eating healthy, living well, and looking good are becoming more important as time goes by; but it's no insurance against what befell them.
In many ways, I am like them; and proud of it. If my life has to end the same way, bet your cookies I'll go down fighting. Just like they did. No regrets.
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