I'll try to keep it as short as possible. My aunt has been taking care of my grandmother and grandfather for a long time. Before that my grandfather was taking care of my grandmother who has alzheimer's along with the help of my aunt. Fast forward a bit, grandmother lives in assisted care in a place called On Lok in san francisco, she's been staying there for 15+ years and has had Alzheimers disease ever since I was born. I am 27 now. 6-7 years ago grandfather had a stroke and long story short, my father did not want anything to do with him and he went into a state of depression and developed dementia. Since then he is unable to care for himself and needs 24/7 assistance. My aunt is the sole caregiver and has been for the past couple of years, she also has power of attorney. Ever since I moved in last year I have been helping out everyday and it has been very difficult. It's like I have to give my whole life dedicated to them and it's tough on me because i care about them but at the same time it is unfair. She has began to rely on me as well 24/7 while I work and have a full time job. Grandfather is ineligible for medical. But the financial burden is very steep. What kind of services can we get to help our situation. She needs a lot of help and I don't think I can keep going the way I am now without losing my temper. She also does not work and takes care of him 24/7, are there any types of services that can help financially even if it's not much. Thank you for any information that you can provide.
I think we're all entitled to our own lives. More importantly, we're all entitled to make our own judgment as to who and what is worthy of our personal sacrifice. Nobody should get a free pass just because they're blood relations. Nobody should feel obligated to make huge sacrifices for someone just because they're family either.
As for just coping for you, it's hard and it's hard to not be angry at other family members for not stepping up. Most of us feel that at some point. Being a caregiver is usually an act of taking the higher road, your aunt has taken the higher road by taking care of her dad, caregiving isn't pretty, it's tough and it can be downright ugly, there's no perfect way of doing it and it leaves people almost battle beaten. Not one caregiving situation is the same, there are many variables whether it's medical conditions, family conditions, financial conditions.
Caregivers need breaks. If you've got the space, I'd set up a room where you live that's the break room, not kidding. You and your aunt can have quiet breaks away from everything going on in the home. My break room is outside doing yard work, and I set up my bedroom to the furthest corner and quietest corner of the house. I'll set my dad up with lunch or dinner and while he's eating, I got to that space, work on line, watch a show, etc.... In that room I'm not surrounded by medical supplies, and all the other things required for caregiving, it's a normal room. Anyone caregiving for awhile understands what that means. It'll help you a lot and your aunt if you do your stuff on a schedule as much as possible, so your aunt knows when you'll be there and not, and let her know ahead of time, that when you are there, you have to do this or that and cannot help with grandpa at certain times. If she needs your help, she should let you know ahead of time if possible. I hope something out of all this helps you. Stay strong.
My mom was diagnosed with dementia 12 years ago, it can go on and on and on. There may be something else going on as ferris says, but there may not be.
See an elder law attorney that specializes in Medi-Cal planning. He is permitted to own a house and a car. Does he have quite the portfolio of assets? He does need to spend down all but house and car to become eligible.
BUt to answer your question about finding some financial assistance....is your grandfather a veteran? There are many threads in here for veteran care assistance.