My mother is ill and has lived with us for almost a year and will no be able to live alone again, she can also no longer drive. My counselor says that I should ask her to contribute financially, I can't imagine doing that....She has a paid for house and car and some other assets. She gets Social Security and a Pension but has no bills and always says she is broke. How do I talk to her about protecting those assets without sounding like a greedy monster?
On the other hand. It's remarkable how shameless and unsentimental all of the utilities companies, grocers, gas stations and local tax collectors are, isn't it? And wherever your mother is living, she knows as well as you do that living costs money.
You say that she is not going to be able to return to living independently, and that she has an income and assets. Worrying that they will "take" her house… Well, hadn't she better sell it, then? If she won't be able to live in it, unless it's the kind of property she could let for income, why keep it on?
Maybe the least painful beginning would be to sit down with her and paper and pencil to discuss what she would like for the future. Where would she like to live? How is it to be financed? If she would like to move permanently to your home, what impact will that have on your household budget and what would be her fair share?
I do sympathise with how ticklish and guilt-infested this whole topic is, but you owe it to her as well as yourself to treat her like a grown woman. She knows she can't live on fresh air, and she surely realises that there are additional expenses falling to you. I hope you'll all feel better and more secure once the money's out in the open. Best of luck, please let us know how you get on.
You could collect what info you have at hand aout her finances and see an attorney or financial planner on your own. At least then you'll have an idea of what you're facing.
I don't want to sound scolding but I've gone through this and you can't ignore it or be afraid that mom wil get mad.
Is she still able to reason or does she have some dementia? You need to think about the future and getting control of her finances when she becomes incompetent. Meanwhile, if she lives with you and you are supporting her why on earth would you feel guilty about asking for some financial help?
With my folks I played the JUST IN CASE SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU card and was able to get POA and access to their accounts. Three years later I take care of all the bills and finances because they are no longer able. Whatever you do, keep detailed records of any of your moms funds used for her care and housing.
What exactly is your plan to "protect her assets"? Have you consulted a financial planner/elder law attny?
Are you an only child, or are there sibs who may object to your plans?
As for thinking she has no money, my Mom is the same way, she had to watch her money carefully most of her life and can not comprehend that she has ample assets now.