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If your mom has been diagnosed with dementia, it is part of her tragedy, and yours, that she is no longer who she was, and there are no explanations that can be determined by logic of why she has become who she is, right now, in her damaged present.

Since that loving woman is gone, can you be comfortable with at least for the time being, visiting less, in shorter visits, telling her you love her (she may comment harshly in response to affection), offering a few comments of family gossip, and leaving with a cheerful, noncommittal “goodby”?

There is no logic to the choosing of a target. My grandmother turned her fury to my father, her dearly loved son in law. As the disease process progressed, the hostility dissipated and ultimately disappeared.

Don’t worry about “forced”. If you are approaching her with a peaceful sense of low expectations, it won’t be quite as bad as it was the first time you noticed the change in her demeanor.

Unfortunately, many of us understand. Courage and peace to you.
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Honestly? If your mother treats you like this each time you visit, why would you continue to go? Sometimes, people with dementia decide in their broken brains to punish a certain person for something that never happened. It might be a family member, a staff member or a complete stranger.

I know that telling you not to visit seems unreasonable considering that she is your mother. And, it’s hard to accept that your mother as you knew and remember her is fading away. Hang on to those memories and don’t torture yourself by visiting more than a few times a month just to make sure everything is going ok at the facility.
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