I am a 40 yo single mum, my mother has moved in with me to help with childcare 9 years ago following my divorce. My mother is a difficult, headstrong manipulative person, who is always right of course. She is an ex school principal and hence 'knows' how to parent and tutor my son more than I do of course. Since I have been the bread winner I was absent from home more than her and she ended up caring for my son quite a bit (in her own way which I tolerated but over time it really started weighing on me). She had originally suggested moving in to help following my divorce and at the time I agreed and I now find myself trapped in my own house. I no longer want this arrangement. I have a sister but we never broached the subject of mum's care and she never offered / I never asked any help. My mum is 65 and only minor health concerns (thyroid, incontinence, spine problems). Being at the head of this family, financially supporting my mum and getting on with her over these years is really taking toll on my mental health. My son is now a pre teen and whilst my coping style is to keep quiet and let the tide pass, my son breaks into arguments with her which to me sound quite awful. Mum says son is putting up a show for me and problem is with my too permissive parenting. My therapist suggested I break to mum that she needs to move out. I am full of guilt as grappling with having to 'chuck out' someone who supposedly sacrificed her life for me (her own words). Any thoughts how to broach the discussion? She is retired so likely (she left her job to move out with me and I have been supporting her all these years) I have to support her moving out financially and going forward too. How much time would be reasonably to give her to think over what arrangements she wants, provided we live separately? Any red flags / advice you would give for the next steps? I think the next 5-10 years she will be OK health wise, but after that the arrangement may need to be re-thought again as she will age further. Thank you
But she really gave up her life and future income to help her daughter. I am horrified by those who want Mum out, after she gave up retirement.
Live on Social Security? You must be joking. Social Security is based on how much was taken out of your paycheck for SS. In my state if you work as an educator there is no SS.
Some countries take take care of their elderly family members in the home. America is losing empathy for anything.
I remarried at 65. I started working for the government at 45 and after I retired at 65, I went back part time and worked until I was 83, didn't work at 84, worked the summer I was 85. They asked me to return to work at 85 because they were having problems finding young people who would show up for work if the beach called or they just didn't want to get out of bed.
I agree, she can view herself as 65 years old or 65 years young.
This discussion is teaching me so much about my own future possibilities and how to live life 'later in life'! This forum is a godsend. Thank you.
it will always weigh on your mind that you told your mother that she has to leave....your mother. She will always feel really bad inside that you did ‘‘this to her, her own daughter.’
The therapist’s job is to work with you to resolve problems.She/he can’t tell you what to do. What seems right to them may be not right to you. Financially your mother is dependent on you...it’s very hard to live on social security.
I wish you the best. If your mental health is at state you’ll have to do something.
i wish you the best no matter which way this goes.