My mom has had Medicare/Medicaid for the last 20 years.
She’s 83.
She was initially sent to rehab for PT after she had fell (her 3rd time) @ home.
After a month of no progress, doctor examined her & said she wouldn’t be able to go back home in her condition & would require 24hr skilled care.
So they moved her to the NH part of the facility.
She is unaware that she is now living in the nh for good w/no prospect of returning home.
I’m her POA so I had to deal w/admissions & when the administrator spoke to me last month she explained how Social Security would be going to the NH & leave my mom w/$30 a month in her checking account.
My mom gets a total of $770 a month Social Security & SSI.
In the meantime I’ve had to pay my mom’s bills (for her house, gas, electric, homeowners insurance, etc) w/her money & by the end of the month I know her property taxes will be due & their going to be around $1000.
So far my mom’s checking balance is what it would be nonrally after paying her bills, however I’m concerned w/when Medicaid will start taking her $ because then I won’t be able to pay any more of her bills & then she’s going to be in trouble by not paying & plus not paying the prop tax will be really bad.
My mom does NOT know at this point that the house is going to need to be sold.
She still thinks she’s going to “get stronger” to be able to go back home..
She has breast cancer, dementia (just starting according to the psych doc) and a bunch of other things (osteoporosis, spinal degeneration) that are causing her too much pain to be able to walk by herself.
I'm so sorry she's so ill, but hospice is the right choice right now.
I’ve been putting it off & having to lie, lie, lie about everything related to that..
When I bring my mom candy (she’s asked for chocolates since Valentine’s Day & Easter) so I bring them to her, but she doesn’t eat it all so she tells me “put the chocolate bunnies in the freezer for me & I’ll eat it when I get home”.
Or she keeps asking me to bring her checkbook so she can write a check to the landscaper that cuts the grass.
She’s constantly asking if her property tax bill came yet because she’s worried that needs to get paid soon...
I’m so stressed out by having to constantly lie to her about the house, but at the same time I know that’s all she’s got left to hold onto her old life.
Yes she was living there alone, but she keeps saying “that’s my life, all my memories, my keepsakes, my things are there”..little does she know I’ve sold the fridge, microwave, dining room table, most of the small kitchen appliances are gone.
I’m still gathering up all our family photos, trying to get her vintage clothing to a consignment store.
So much work I’ve been doing so I’ve been going to her house almost every night to get this all done, then I go see her at 9pm, sometimes later.
They’re all saying “she needs to know”.
One orderly who I spoke to has his mom there, he keeps telling me how he & his brother are POA for their mom (his brother is for finances, he is for health) & how they told her house needed to be sold & her Social security would be paid back to the NH as part of her Medicaid payment..
His mom IS blind tho’, so she was actually more receptive to living there in the NH because she’s not alone...whereas when she was living in her house, she was so worried about her failing eyesight & did’nt have anyone there to help her..
I understand the question/comment about telling a terminal woman who has dementia that she’s not going to have her house anymore & how shall I handle it but I’m not expecting her to really tell me what to do, I’m just relaying what the hospice nurse said I should say to my mom..
My mom is constantly telling me “I don’t belong here, I’m gonna get stronger & go back to the house”.
How’s so and so. Good! Not.
Are the grandkids doing well? Yes! Not.
How can I afford this nice place? SS and your pension. Not.
What is this bump on my face? Pimple. Not.
I even get her out of the room when the recreation people start reading the newspaper and obituaries (!?) to everyone.
She wants everybody to be happy, so telling Mom the truth about some things would make her worry and she’s be upset. To me it would just be mean and serve no positive purpose. If you are seriously concerned about her health after hearing the news, I would think hard before telling her.
I’m just going to continue “telling fibs” as long as I can or until I’m backed into a corner & she comes out w/the question “did they take my house yet?”..
I’ve thought about how very hard this whole ordeal has been for my mom, the anxiety it has & is causing her, her declining health has taken a rapid turn & I agree it would serve no other purpose to tell her she’s not going “back home” then to be mean & cause her extreme worry.
So I won’t do that.
I’m really not lookin forward to dealing w/the RM bank either..
Even when I do get the doctors letter, to tell the honest truth, I’m totally exhausted at this point (physically) getting all the stuff cleared out of my mom’s house & I’m still not 1/2 way finished.
I’m only concentrating on what else I can sell & what personal items I need to get out of there and/or destroy (banking statements, IRS returns from the past, etc) so I’m not really concerned w/the RM.
When & if I do get everything cleared out, and if THEY contact me sometime in the near future, I’ll respond then..
There’s really not much they can do to me legally anyway is there?
It’s not like they can withhold any profit from the sale of the house because there is none.
So they can coordinate what needs to be done w/out my participation.
I guess they would need to get the house keys from me to enter or maybe they’d get the police to break down the door??
I don’t know.
Can they (legally) force me to have anything to do w/them on my mom’s behalf??
I don’t know & @ this point, I don’t really care.
I’m too damn tired to care.