We've been coasting along and taking it one issue at a time, coming up with solutions, tolerating annoying behavior...but today...yes, the sh*t nearly hit the proverbial fan, or I should say floor, pants, and nightgown. She is a mess. It was down both her legs and she was nasty and uncooperative. Calls in to a nurse who felt I did the best I could and suggested connecting with the neurologist as this is crossing a bit of a line. 911 would be traumatic; home care needs an MD referral and I have a call and email in to the family medicine doc. We tried to get her in the shower but she balked, and ultimately since much of the stench was coming from a nightgown...I got a blunt nosed scissors and cut it off her. And then she just got her snotty self dressed and went downstairs to sit on the sofa and read. There is no one else to help family wise. Has anyone dealt with this??
she is nasty because that's her nature, particularly toward me the evil daughter. She has always been controlling. So this is her way of exerting control. All is fine until you want, need or ask her to do something, and then she becomes obnoxious. I don't suspect a UTI, this is her usual nature. One of her nasty comments yesterday was that I only cared for myself, which was a real shocker and nearly laughable since I've lost track of doing much for myself I am so focused on them...She is always in need of a good shower as far as I am concerned, but my overnight discovery was that isolating the source and bagging it, and if what remains dries...there is no horrendous odor. The MD did not respond till today and stated a nursing need would have to be present for home care and an aide...which is also problematic since every person coming in is a COVID risk I'm not willing to take for all of ours sakes, precautions or not. The recent episode I suspect was contributed to by a failure on our parts...not keeping watch or locking her out of the kitchen or fridge. She ate 3/4 of a jar of sweet pickles the day before. Yes, that's a work in progress, getting a mini fridge she can have access to in our family room and locking her out of the kitchen. The MD also suggested depends etc. Whether she'll wear them, who knows. She will not accept direction and dresses herself. My guess is she may not have been wearing any undies when this all happened.
Dad is an extremely capable 103 year old who drives, golfs, mows the lawn, walks...but watching mom is not exactly on his list and he can't comprehend he's leaving a 2 year old...if the pooping situation should become chronic we'll deal with it. Also contacting the neurologist; Family Med MD is not adequately supportive, continues to forget my background as a social worker, and may be pissed because the neurologist is with the other major medical system in town. My hope is that neither wind up in LTC. But I know my limits and constantly cleaning up after her...especially if she refuses any help, is a no brainer. Sadly.
If her combativness is something new, then I would have her checked for a UTI but this is part of the desease. If it gets worse, there are medications. Its also time to figure out when she has bowel movements. Then get her to the toilet that time. Same with peeing, start taking her every two hours. Eventually, though, she will become incontinent. If her movements seem kind of loose, cut out coffee and fruit juices like apple.
As her Dementia progresses, you may not be able to care for her and Dad too. That would be the time to place her in a LTC facility. From what you have discribed, she is passed an AL.
Have you called her doctor and reported this, if it's uncharacteristic?
Without having been on the scene it's difficult to guess what went wrong. What's the situation right now? Is she still - how can I put it - in need of a good shower?