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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Sharmont, I am in a similar situation. I am sending my husband for 1 week Memory Care respite care in August, as a prequel to full time placement. For the past 3 years, I have been a stay at home wife, taking care of him. The only time I was away was the 3 weeks I was in hospital/rehab after an accident. As the ambulance was taking me to the trauma hospital, I was on my cell phone arranging for friends to stay with him until my sister could get to my house. I am exhausted all the time. He doesn't sleep at night, no meds will work to get him to sleep at night.
When i visited the facility for respite care, I was happy to see all the activities they had for the residents. At home he is either in bed all the day. Or sitting in his recliner watching TV. I think that having different things to do throughout the day will be better for him. So, the guilt has left me because I know I've done the best that I can for him, I just can't do it for much longer. Sending a great big hug because I've been in your situation and it SUCKS!
Now that you have placed your husband do something special for your self to help you destress. It was a very hard thing for your to do by placing your husband. Know that you have been successful in caring for him - even by placing him in AL because you recognized that you were no longer able to care for him and the best care would be in another setting. You are still his caregiver - you are there to advocate that he gets his needs filled, you will be there to iron out the wrinkles that come up and solve problems that arrive in a facility setting. He now has a whole team 24/7 to do the hands on care.
If you husband is angry and hurt because of the change in his living situation, try and be patient and accepting of his emotions. Let him adjust and learn to rely on his new caregivers.
Now is the time to care for yourself - go out and linger over coffee; lose yourself in a good book; have a spa day. Also remember, you did nothing wrong. You chose the best solution you could.
May you and your family be blessed with peace, grace, love.
Why have you placed your husband in AL? You know all the emotions you've gone thru, and you came to realize that it's more than you can handle. And now you feel the guilt of what, not being able to do more? Not being able to keep him at home, knowing you are over stressed? You've reached your caregiver limit, your ability to cope with the demands of the job. With great consternation, you've admitted to yourself that you must find a new home for him. That's a positive move, not a negative one. Many of us have had to make the same decision to free ourselves from the relentless responsibility of caring for our spouses. That's not to say you're no longer caring for him. You certainly ARE caring for him, by insuring that he will be better cared for by people who understand his behavior and illness better than you.
I can't help you get over your guilt, but I assure you that your guilt is misplaced. Think about replacing it with the sense of relief from the primary responsibility of his care, and the gratitude that you had the strength to care for him until you no longer could.
You say you're tired of hearing people say how patient and caring we're suppose to be. Those are people who haven't had the experience of being a dementia caregiver. So what do you do? You ignore it. You know the toll it takes.
Remind yourself that you’re looking out for your husband at a time he can’t do it for himself. It’s a considerate and kind act to ensure his good care in a setting appropriate for his needs. It’s okay to be sad, life has taken a turn neither of you wanted, but guilt is wasted and misplaced. I hope you’ll both find peace
While you've always been a team in your marriage, the reality is that eventually we don't age at the same pace and one of you will need a different level of care than the other.
You are fulfilling your vows of "in sickness and in health" by doing what will be best for your husband. Just because you're married to someone doesn't mean you are automatically gifted with the knowledge to be a full-time medical expert and caregiver, so you are doing what is truly best for him.
It's OK to feel guilty and sad, but it isn't a sign that you're a bad person. Just allow yourself those feelings and work your way through them.
By acknowledging and accepting that you are doing what is in the best interest of your husband, his safety and his care. And there should be no guilt, as that is for people that have done or are doing something wrong. What you are feeling is grief, not guilt, and that is very normal. All of us that have have cared for a loved one, have grieved what we've lost over the years with our loved ones. It's called anticipatory grief, and it's the grief that comes before our loved one has died, as we mourn what used to be and is no more. So please don't beat yourself up. If you're at the point where your husband requires more care than you can provide, then you must do what is best for you both. I wish you peace in your heart.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I am exhausted all the time. He doesn't sleep at night, no meds will work to get him to sleep at night.
When i visited the facility for respite care, I was happy to see all the activities they had for the residents. At home he is either in bed all the day. Or sitting in his recliner watching TV. I think that having different things to do throughout the day will be better for him. So, the guilt has left me because I know I've done the best that I can for him, I just can't do it for much longer. Sending a great big hug because I've been in your situation and it SUCKS!
If you husband is angry and hurt because of the change in his living situation, try and be patient and accepting of his emotions. Let him adjust and learn to rely on his new caregivers.
Now is the time to care for yourself - go out and linger over coffee; lose yourself in a good book; have a spa day. Also remember, you did nothing wrong. You chose the best solution you could.
May you and your family be blessed with peace, grace, love.
I can't help you get over your guilt, but I assure you that your guilt is misplaced. Think about replacing it with the sense of relief from the primary responsibility of his care, and the gratitude that you had the strength to care for him until you no longer could.
You say you're tired of hearing people say how patient and caring we're suppose to be. Those are people who haven't had the experience of being a dementia caregiver. So what do you do? You ignore it. You know the toll it takes.
You are fulfilling your vows of "in sickness and in health" by doing what will be best for your husband. Just because you're married to someone doesn't mean you are automatically gifted with the knowledge to be a full-time medical expert and caregiver, so you are doing what is truly best for him.
It's OK to feel guilty and sad, but it isn't a sign that you're a bad person. Just allow yourself those feelings and work your way through them.
So please don't beat yourself up. If you're at the point where your husband requires more care than you can provide, then you must do what is best for you both. I wish you peace in your heart.