She's been living with my sister and I every other month for the past 13 yrs. Although, she just started paying $500 a month the past 3 yrs. We do everything for her. Meds, food, bathing, doctor visits, laundry, etc. She can't be left alone, so it's 24 hour care. We feel she should be paying more. It was difficult to just get her to agree on the $500. How should we approach this? We have 2 other siblings that aren't able to care for her.
LEGAL advice would be best, and getting a legit caregiver agreement would solve the Medicaid issue and IRS gifting, but could still have tax implications.
What is the plan as she further declines? Have you promised to never put her into a facility? Does she have dementia? Is she mobile? Have you thought at all about checking into Medicaid eligibility?
If being paid any amount there needs to be a contract in place with all withholdings properly documented. Then all income if over the IRS yearly amount reported as income.
Does mom have an attorney she has worked with? Is she competent? Do you have POA's in place? Make an appointment with an elder law attorney; have that person tell her about the cost of care.
Since 24 hour care is impossible for one individual to do - as they must sleep too - outside help is also almost necessary for night duty in case the elderly needs attention during the night.
In that scenario, 8 hours a day of night duty alone to pay someone $9/hour x 8 hours x 7 days/wk = $504/week ... but there’s still the other 16 hours/ day that you and sister are caregiving and not yet compensated.
Can the other two siblings pitch in financially if not physically?
Can Insurance pay you at all?
This is a tough one and I commend you both.
Be sure to document all monies in case she needs governmental help as there’s proper ways to “spend down” her money according to them so she’s not denied any benefits of improper spending down which would require research.
God bless.
Lay out what you’re willing to do and for how much: let them know their realistic options. Your life comes first.
When my sister became ill with cancer, I flew out to care for her several times, and Mom paid for the trip and the expenses because, as she put it, "You're going out there in my place. I'd go if I could, but I can't." Ditto when my cousin (Mom's goddaughter) became ill. Mom always took care of all of us when we were sick or needed help. She was just that way, and she was distressed that she could no longer do things like that.
Despite her kind and generous nature, Mom got very difficult to live with during the last couple of years that she lived with me, but I continued to care for her until it was no longer physically possible for me to do so.
I never wanted to charge her for my labors because she had done so much for me over my lifetime. And from a practical standpoint, I knew that she would need to have at least 2 months' worth of long term care expenses to fall back on during the Medicaid application process if it became necessary to place her in a facility. I didn't want to deplete those savings.
I guess it all depends on the family dynamics.
Sorting out a viable future budget is more important than a big argument about an extra $200 a month!
Just $9 an hr is $512 a week.
Your Mom should be paying a Minimum of $500 a week.
Yiu should get a Home Health Care Provider to come out and give you an estimate fir taking Care of your mom 24 7 and they will quote anywhere from $15 - $25 an hr.
Show tgat estimate to your mom then tell her you'll accept $500 a week or she can try having a Caregiver instead and pay the higher amount.
Do the other siblings live far away? If either is close enough, maybe they could do something to help even if it's not the 24 hr care in their own homes.
As for increase payment - is there a reason you both did the work for free and 10 years later decided to ask for pay? Was it because there really is an increase in what you pay out of pocket or you want to be paid for services? Just wondered about that part. If she needs 24/7 care, she probably can go to assisted living, but would she consider a nursing facility close to you and sis?
Other than a facility, I guess you could figure out what her own personal expenses are that you pay for out of your pocket for her. Then figure out what rent/mtg, utilities, groceries, etc are that everyone in the house uses and divide that amount by total number of people who live in your home. Maybe if you showed her that, she might be willing to up the pay.
It is fair that she pay for living expenses. But items such as gas, laundry detergent and food may only add up to $500-or less.
If, in fact, you and your sister cannot work/earn money outside the home because taking care of mom is a "full time job", it would be fair to ask mom for compensation.
But don't price it out hourly or per-service, or request an estimated sum of potential lost wages. Keep in mind, the two of you took on moms care willingly.
If she refuses, talk to a few agencies about the cost of home care
and make sure mom is there. She will be able to compare that potential out-of-pocket expense to the amount you requested, and may capitulate.