My father has Alzheimer's. He is white and has recently started spewing racist insults at his caregiver(s). I never heard him use racist language earlier in his life. He was born in the 1920s; I assume this is our collective unconscious speaking.
How common is it for caregivers of color to experience racism of this nature from those with dementia? Are you familiar with this phenomena personally? Are there studies or writings on this topic? I'd like to learn more. Thank you.
I am white, like my mother, so she can't insult me racially. Instead she accused me of being a thief, fat, selfish, ignorant, disloyal, etc. (true - I am fat)
The managers said they and the staff know to shrug it off. But I can't imagine it ever stops hurting.
Your father is 100 and suffering from AD. He's also living in AL where the caregivers have seen and heard it ALL, trust me on that. He will be cut lots of slack, I'm sure, so if you're feeling embarrassment on his behalf, just apologize for him and let it go at that. My mother said some horrendous things to ME when she was in the throes of dementia, and also some horrendous things about others. But she'd say it in Italian so only I understood what she was saying. As 'out of it' as she was, she knew enough NOT to insult others, but felt perfectly fine insulting ME. Weird how the dementias work, huh? :(
You can Google AD and dementia, and any other questions you have, and come up with a ton of reading material on the subject. BarbBrooklyn also linked you to an article on this very subject from AgingCare. Alz.org is another good website to go to if you are interested in learning about the disease your father is afflicted with.
Good luck.
I always warn people wherever she is taken (most recently the medical clinic) that she might blurt. I've never had anyone (a nurse, an aid, a banker of color or other ethnicity) ever not take it into their stride, thankfully.
Redirecting and distracting is what seems to work best for us. When I see "that look" in her eye that she's about to say something regretable, I will often physically stand right in front of her blocking her view and gently poke her in the chest so that she looks down and then follows by arm up to my face and then I start talking about something random.
To be fair, though, your dad and my mom were products of their times. They aren't racists, per se, but their way of talking isn't appropriate these days.
Personally, I think a good caregiver takes the situation with a grain of salt. Seniors say all kinds of crazy stuff.
Believe it or not, white people aren't the only race that use racial slurs towards others. Some of the biggest racists I have ever met don't have white skin.
This question seems like someone writing a paper or something. A dad born in 1920 is NOT 100 years old.
The OP said he was born in the 1920s, not 1920.
When I complained of a racist patient to an old Irish nurse one day she observed "Things change one coffin at a time". Sorry, but that's the truth.
She talks about this very common phenomenon.
When we are young, we were taught that “forbidden words” and “forbidden speech” (curse words, racial slurs) were wrong. That information is stored in the brain.
With dementia, that particular parts of the brain is one of the parts that dies. Picture a rock with a portion chiseled off. No matter how we want our Loved Ones to “behave”, that portion of the rock (brain) is no longer there. It can’t “learn”, or “do better”.
I’m sorry this is happening to your father, and to you.