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My 3-year-old grandson is confused by his Alzheimer's grandmother irrationally dealing with his normal 3-year-old behavior. We can't control her behavior and are only moderately successful managing his behavior.
No offense, but there's absolutely no reason to take a three-year-old to see someone like that. He won't remember her, and if he does, they won't be good memories.
A 3 year old child should not have to be exposed to an Alzheimer's patient who is 'irrationally' dealing with his normal 3 year old behavior. It serves no useful purpose for you to be trying to control her behavior OR his behavior. It makes better sense to show him grandma over Facetime and put the tablet down if grandma starts getting upset, if you insist on a 'visit'. Better he should have no memories of the woman than ugly ones. All stories don't have happy endings, unfortunately, and at 3 years old, your grandson doesn't need to be traumatized needlessly. I have grandchildren myself and never brought them to see my mother who had advanced dementia b/c who knows WHAT words would have come out of her mouth?? My grandchildren can look at photos of their smiling great grandmother in her younger days before the ugly disease of dementia turned her into someone else entirely.
I would rather protect the young innocent kid than the old demented grandmother. A 3 y.o. child is too vulnerable emotionally and incapable to comprehend what dementia does to people.
Don't take the three-year-old to visit. If he actually does have a memory of his great-grandmother at some point in his life, it will be of a terrifying old woman. Don't make him be around his great-grandmother with Alzheimer's and don't force her to have to be around a three-year-old who you cannot control. Neither party benefits from those visits. Leave him home. He does not need to make memories with hs great-grandmother and she will not remember spending time with him. I have a few memories when I was a little kid of visiting one of my grandmother's elderly aunts whose son brought her to America. Let me paint you a picture of this experience. Think of a toothless corpse with long, dirty nails wearing a black dress, tied in a wheelchair that screams in Italian. She also burped and farted continually and smelled absolutely disgusting. Now picture a little kid and a bunch of adults who've had a few glasses of the homemade vino because it's a holiday, and they make the little kid go and "Give zia (aunt) a kiss". 'Zia' grabbed ahold of my hair with her her clawed hand and nearly pulled it from the roots. I'm almost 50 years old yet I still remember the terror 'zia' Lucrezia like it was yesterday. Don't do that to a little kid. Leave the three-year-old at home.
I would seriously limit his visits. At three he is incapable of your understanding really even the simplest explanations. But you can TRY. You could tell him that Gran has an illness that makes her very cranky, and that she isn't always remembering things, and so on. Tell him that Gran may seem cranky, but because there's not much that can be done for this illness, everyone must try to be as kind as they can. KEEP VISIT VERY SHORT when you have the young one with you There is no real reason for such a young child to have to be exposed to this overlong. He is very unlikely to remember or care a lot in future. Give him fun things to give to gran. Help him make a card with her as a young woman, better still, a child, or as his gran making things for him. Teach him to say "I am so sorry you don't feel good, Gran, and I hope you will be better soon". Take it slow, gently, and keep it short. Use it as a teaching moment; we all need to learn compassion as early as we can. Hope you'll update us.
Terrorizing a small child who’s too young to comprehend is not teaching compassion This would be at the expense of a very small innocent child who’s too young to understand explanations about her mean unpredictable behavior. It’s not a baby’s responsibility to appease adults who have stubbornly ingrained ideas that young children should always visit a senior - I agree with 99% of the replies not to subject the 3 yr old to this abuse
While the idea of visiting is wonderful (cue ethereal music and unicorns dancing) It is sometimes not practical. I used to explain my Husbands dementia and the way he acted in stores (he would make noises that to kids sounded like crying) by comparing it to kids they might know in school that have Autism. I tell them his brain does not work like yours or mine. You can explain some things to kids but 3 is a bit young to grasp that concept. Then they may also fear that their brain can get broken somehow.
Talk about grandma. Tell him she is not well. but tell him stories and show pictures of her. Tell him what she used to be like. He can know her through stories,.
I'm with the group here you shouldn't take your 3 year old to visit. Your grandmother won't remember the visit and your grandson won't have a pleasant visit.
Don’t take child to visit agitated dementia/Alz grandparents. It will be a disaster & it’s child abuse. Granny won’t remember visit 5 min later..but impressionable child will remember being abused forever. Don’t do it!!!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Don't make him be around his great-grandmother with Alzheimer's and don't force her to have to be around a three-year-old who you cannot control. Neither party benefits from those visits.
Leave him home. He does not need to make memories with hs great-grandmother and she will not remember spending time with him.
I have a few memories when I was a little kid of visiting one of my grandmother's elderly aunts whose son brought her to America.
Let me paint you a picture of this experience.
Think of a toothless corpse with long, dirty nails wearing a black dress, tied in a wheelchair that screams in Italian. She also burped and farted continually and smelled absolutely disgusting.
Now picture a little kid and a bunch of adults who've had a few glasses of the homemade vino because it's a holiday, and they make the little kid go and "Give zia (aunt) a kiss". 'Zia' grabbed ahold of my hair with her her clawed hand and nearly pulled it from the roots.
I'm almost 50 years old yet I still remember the terror 'zia' Lucrezia
like it was yesterday.
Don't do that to a little kid. Leave the three-year-old at home.
Me, I wouldn't take a 3 yo to visit someone who has late stage dementia. The child does not need to be exposed to that behavior.
KEEP VISIT VERY SHORT when you have the young one with you
There is no real reason for such a young child to have to be exposed to this overlong. He is very unlikely to remember or care a lot in future.
Give him fun things to give to gran. Help him make a card with her as a young woman, better still, a child, or as his gran making things for him. Teach him to say "I am so sorry you don't feel good, Gran, and I hope you will be better soon". Take it slow, gently, and keep it short. Use it as a teaching moment; we all need to learn compassion as early as we can.
Hope you'll update us.
It is sometimes not practical.
I used to explain my Husbands dementia and the way he acted in stores (he would make noises that to kids sounded like crying) by comparing it to kids they might know in school that have Autism. I tell them his brain does not work like yours or mine.
You can explain some things to kids but 3 is a bit young to grasp that concept. Then they may also fear that their brain can get broken somehow.
Talk about grandma. Tell him she is not well. but tell him stories and show pictures of her. Tell him what she used to be like. He can know her through stories,.
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