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My brother took care of my mom with Alzheimer's she died 03 and my dad and brother cut off him from money . My father is elderly and brother has now for 9 years not received any money for caring for them. They r mean and says he has free rent. He was abused as a child and also verbably . He doesn't have a dime. Other brother is executor and taken money from my dad and using our inheritance. I want my brother to live again . Father has money but the other brother hates him so no
Check with the Dept of Health and Human Services or welfare department in you county and see if they offer a program or can direct you toward a program that will pay your daughter for caring for her grandma. They have that program here where we live, and I am on the list to be hired as my Mother's caretaker, but the program is frozen right now, I'm guessing the funding isn't there for the program at this time. The DHHR cant direct you to different orgranizations that may be able to help you. Good luck!
My mom paid about 200 a month. Now she is preparing to move out of my home into a senior apartment. I'm not sure she can handle the finances of this move. She is taking a long vacation with my God sister. Hopefully, she will give mom a few bucks to hold her over, because I just don't have it to spare. I feel your pain on getting paid to care for your elderly or ill parents, it is expensive and takes up huge blocks of your time. If you have a family of your own it is even more difficult. It does seem that there is a need to support of some sort for people who end up unemployed or underemployed do to caring for an aging parent. I just can't see how else a person in that position can make it own their own. Unemployment will run out before you ever finish caring for your parents. I don't know the answer to the question, but I do understand the stressful nature of the situation.
I am my Mother's full time caregiver. I have a sister who is retired and refuses to help at all with my Mom. She says she is retired and it is not in her lifestyle to take care of old people. I never get a break and will never ask her for help again. If my Mother has to go to a care facility and runs out of money am I responsibility for paying for her care? I am very disappointed in my sister since she was always the "special one". Also she wants "her share of money" now before Mom passes away. How do I get her to understand what mom has is hers?
Seems like every family has a member like your sister. They are always the "special one" and won't turn a hand to do a thing. That happened in my husband's family and he is the one who helped take care of his Mother for 2 yrs and then the brother and sister in law show up in the very end and are there when she passes away. Then the brother gets it all and guess who gets nothing, you guessed it, my husband. I would tell my sister that the moneys your Mom has is for her care. If there is anything left at the end, it will be divided equally, and if there is nothing left, that's just the way it is. No, you should NOT have to pay for your Mother's care if she should happen to have to go to a facility. That is exactly what I would tell my sister, too. Family members like she and my brother in law, really get me all riled up, but you do need to stand up to her, since you do all of the caretaking and she helps out zero zilch. I am the sole caretaker for my 94 yr old Mom, and I guess it is just as well that I am the only child so that I do not have to have the added stress of a sibling who won't do their part. My heart goes out to you because I know exactly what you are going through, been there and done that part and now I am caretaking my Mom. Please stand your grounds and don't let her run over you, or take everything your Mom has. My best to you!
Try your local Dept. of Health and Human Resources. They have different programs that they can direct you to that will help out and even employ you. I went there for help with my Mother for just Depends and Ensure and they sent me to a Central Aging program. The only problem has been, she was placed on a waiting list for me as a caregiver and they have never opened up a slot for her yet and this back in May, 2012. There has been a hiring freeze for over a year now. They did open up 20 new slots after the election, but our county was not included. She is 94 and time is of the essence. Now, they would let someone else come in and take care of her that is already an employee, but she would not have that. It has to be me. So we are still awaiting a letter or call, and hoping for employment to at least pay a few bills while being confined at home. I really need a job and to work, but that isn't going to happen. Checking in there is a start and maybe they can send you to an agency that has a hiring program. Hopefully, all states do not have a hiring freeze on them. Needed programs such as these are always the ones to be cut. Best of Luck. I will post if we ever get accepted into the program.
My mom lives with me and I live with her, when we are not traveling we stay at her home. I do not expect compensation at all for what I do. I work online via home, I work on average 4 - 5 jobs right now while my husband finishes grad school. We are a team, but we do not expect to be paid.
In many countries, the family considers it their duty to care for their parents and they do not expect compensation.
I do not mean to sound callous, but what I would rather have is some respect from my siblings that still get to live their own lives that give me a hard time or the businesses that do not seem to understand the concept of caregiving.
So for me it is about the respect from others versus the judging of what I am doing. I want my siblings to communicate with me and understand that my mom's mind is mentally changing and they should check with me before taking her at her word. My mom gets confused and they don't want to accept the fact that her mind is not always right.
So for me it isn't about the compensation it is about the respect. I also want Medicare to provide some of the tools I need to care for my mom instead of me having to pay out of pocket for things my mom needs. My mom needed a new wheelchair and Medicare refused because she had not owned the other one for 5 years. So that is what I need.
I agree with overwroughtone. While caregiving is something that I am happy to do, my own bills do not stop coming in just because my mother needs my help. In fact, most caregivers here seem to really just want their own needs met, and are not asking for frivolities, although once in awhile we do need them.
Dkjell you are very lucky that you have a steady income by working out of your home. I know I can barely read a book taking care of my family member, so I certainly could never devote my time and effort and attention to any job at home. You are indeed lucky.
There is nothing wrong with us caregivers being given a kind of salary for caring for our loved ones. We are actually saving money for insurance companies by keeping our loved ones at home and caring for them, just an average nursing homes runs $20,000.00 a month, that is a lot of money. And we caregivers would not expect that much money, just enough for us to hire competent aides to give us some breaks and maybe hire physical therapists and cognitive therapists to keep our loved ones active and healthy and vibrant.
Now you wrote about wanting a new wheelchair for your Mother, well if you go to any St Vincent de Paul thrift store they will give you a free wheelchair if they have any. I went to one of those thrift stores to buy a walker and the sweet salesgirl went into the back room and brought out a brand new one, still in it's plastic wrapping, I asked how much it would cost, she told me they do not charge for items like that, they just ask that people return them when they are no longer needed whenever that may be. There are also stores called "Free Stores" or "Free Shops" and they might have a slightly used or brand new wheelchair. Everything in those stores are obviously free. Also if your Dad was a veteran the local VA might be able to get your Mom a free, or very low cost wheelchair.
And to Bonny, we think alike and that's a good thing, we caregivers do deserve money for doing, in my opinion, one of the toughest, most stressful and sometimes very depressing jobs there is, care giving. This is one job that totally does a number on your emotional health and mind. When you look up the stats on care givers, we die much younger than non care givers and we suffer more depression and stress than average people do. So with that in mind of course we deserve compensation to give us some much needed help and rest. Also very often with caregiving our loved one only gets worse and deteriorates as time moves on, so really where is the reward in that and it does cause a great deal of grief, they die twice, first when their personalities and minds go away and then when they actually physically die, that is incredibly tough to deal with...now our love for them is there, but so is this deep sadness that fills our souls, so why don't we deserve money to help us through this sad and trying time in our lives.
It is such a hard situation. In some states, such as CA, if your parent qualifies for IHSS, you can become a provider, but it is not much. I also agree that it is disgraceful to be in such a wealthy nation and we have not come up with a solution for our aging parents or those of us that care for them. I care for my lower middle class mother who has moderate/severe dementia. She doesn't qualify for medi-cal and doesn't have long term insurance, so for now I care for her. She just recently broke her shoulder and I asked her doctor about assistance thru her insurance and the answer was NO. Why isn't dementia covered by insurance???? We all know that it is fatal if we left our loved ones alone with this disease. If someone had a fatal wound that would bleed out they would be covered, what sense does this make?
america is a relatively young nation. i think we'll come around . hospice is involved in our home and they are forever asking how im coping as caregiver. they seem prepared to take steps to ensure my mental well being. we are in indiana and hospice has told us that financial help is available even tho my mother has adequate assets / income. i think one of the hospice nurses has taken a shine to me. we are going trike riding someday.. thats better than money.
Just to share my experience, I live in Singapore and over here, it's part of our Asian culture for us to take care of our elderly parents without asking anything in return. We see it as part of our responsibility to care for our elderly parents. They care for us when we are babies and now it's our turn to take care of them. Normally we would ask our siblings to chip in financially, should the need arises. However, there are cases where siblings are not able to contribute. We can't force them if they are not able to. They have their limitations as well. We just do what is best for our parents.
I too am a caregiver that had to give up a business, and a career to provide full-time care for my elderly mother with Alzhiermer's and Dementia. I know exactly what you all are saying and I want to suggest that you all check into the VA benefits from which even a widow of a vet can be entitled to program benefits. We are in the process of waiting on an approval/denial from one such program. Best of luck to you all, and hang in there. We are many!
Yep, the FLMA was a waste of paper, time, and effort. I have seen many times over when an employee goes out on FLMA, they find they have no job to come back to. Employers see this as an "employee vacation" and you are marked for life trying to explain this absence to future employers.
CI to quit my job to stay home to take care of my mom never in my wilds dreams did I ever think it would be has hard as it was you are isolated your friends or so called friends stop calling you become depressed not because your taking care of your parent but you begin to feel all alone in a very hard situation and then no job you have the stress of bills and no health insurance for yourself I know cobra is 1000.00 a month not affordable people would think different if they walked in our shoes talk is cheap
I guess my feelings are a bit different than others because I figure my parents clothed me, cared for me and did things for me when I was young. I try to do my best to return the favor to my mom now. My siblings all think I make some sort of big money, which I don't, I just try to manage it well. I even have an unemployed husband because of the economy.
I have one sister that once in a while will give me some money or pay for mom to have a permanent and another sister that each times she visits will bring mom 2 packages of underwear that we use. Outside of that I get no help from family members, they just think I make good money.
I have issues with Medicare and the supplements in terms of how little they pay and equipment they will not provide. My mom is bound to a wheelchair and hers broke, Medicare told us we only get one every 5 years, so I had to buy that out of my pocket.
There is one thing we do that every caregiver that is living with them or has them living with them is pursuing claiming them on their tax return. I have been doing this for 2 years now and this is my 2nd year of doing this. The first year we did it but did not claim expenses. This year we claimed the medicine and everything else we do that Medicare does not cover. Because my mom is on social security it does not count as income, but it does give me a bit of relief on my income tax.
So to me that is my payment, otherwise I try to show my mom the best time I can like my parents did for me. I am grateful that I was able to take my parents on a cruise for their 50th anniversary. My dad wanted me to see the US and I wanted to show him other countries and cultures. I was able to do so and he died 60 days later. So now I have only my mom to show a good time and it helps with her symptoms.
So for me, I am not looking for payment just trying to do what I beleive is right by my mother. Just a different viewpoint.
I had a promising career 8 yrs ago then my Mother had a severe stroke and became bed ridden my Father is elderly an cannot handle her alone so Ive resigned and now my bills have piled up and my father cannot afford to pay my bills and his and my Mothers as well. Ive applied for elder care here in CA and have been denied 4 times. I cannot work my family needs me at home does anyone have any advise to help me financially
I have heard that if your parent has less than 2000 in the bank you could possibly qualify through the state for payment on helping care for you love one. I couldn't because mom's savings was more than 2000. Keep in mind that if you do something to deplete the savings to try and qualify the state will look back 5 years and you will have to show account for the moneys. This is the same for Medicaid qualifications.
You can apply for the programs that pays you as it would a job, but the problem in our state is that all of these federally funded programs are frozen. I applied, did my training, first aid, etc and that was last May. Still no word of a thaw on any of the programs and it will probably only get worse. I am in the same situation, bills and no income and no way to hold a job because Mom requires 24/7 care. Just lots and lots of prayers. My best to each of you.
If this country were to spend the nessary funds as they are about taxing us to death. on "elding care let us give our older people a break ,by paying family members something ,It's a big shame on our country.
Most of the questions concerning compensation for caring for our parents is not for ourselves or selfish. It is stressfull at times, mentally, physically, and financially. I belive we are just trying to better our lives to live comfortable and enjoy our time with our aging parents; instead of worrying how we are going to pay our bills or if there is money left over for food or emergencies. God Bless all those who make the effort to care for others!!!
Okay, so here's what I have learned. I have been caring for my grandmother for 7+ years. It has been an up hill climb on roller blades. 1) do not feel guilty for requesting compensation for your labor -- you are earning it! Care giving is the hardest job I have ever done. I watch my grandmother die a little bit every day. And I do it alone. Her son and daughter have not seen her in 7 and 1 year respectively. 2) Educate yourself. Search on line about the laws in your state. There are states that provide for the families to create a contract allowing family caregivers to receive pay or a lien against real property. 3) If the care recipient is military or retired military, there is are programs available through the VA call them ---TODAY! Benefits are retroactive from the date you apply. 4) Ask EVERY ONE for help (respite, finances, supplies, who to call) You never know who will provide you with the answer that will help. 5) Write letters to advocacy groups, legislators, senators, anyone who will listen -- and even if they don't listen now; with enough letters, they will. 6) Understand that people who think you should not receive compensation for family care giving have probably never had to provide care. Allow them their blissful ignorance -- because anyone that has provided care would never wish the understanding on anyone. 7) Take time for you. I know it feels selfish, but this should probably be number one on my list. Start with 10 minutes. Find a hobby. Whatever. 8) Keep a diary -- I have found this helps me retain my sanity. No one can understand your particular situation -- you can. And maybe reading over in retrospect you can help yourself understand. Sometimes this job can be overwhelming, a diary at least gets it out of your head. 9) Reach out to other caregivers. You may not have as much experience as others who are caregivers, but everyone can contribute something. Even if it's only an offer of compassion and empathy...it's more than a lot of us get. 10) Forgive. Forgive society for not realizing how much we are saving the country in outside care. Forgive yourself when patience is short and demands are high.Forgive the government for saying that we as a nation need to embrace the family unit and not facilitating that ideal. 11) and once you forgive ... let it go and move on. Don't give up but allow your forgiveness to propel you forward to answers and advocacy.
I appreciate your allowing me my time on my soapbox. In answer to getting paid. It is not easy, but it can be done. There was actually a bill proposed that would allow family care givers Social Security credit toward retirement. It was not passed. Look into the family care giving contract. As for federal/state funds...it is not hopeful.
Ways to pay: Go to medicaid and apply for Home and Community based waiver program....also even if the person in question is only a spouse of a veteran they are entilted to:Aid and Attendance, which pays the caregiver, whether it be family or an agency ( please be persistant with them, it takes a few months for approval , but it is all retro active, so FILE NOW ) In addition your local agency for the elderly can assist in cost of installing shower bars etc PLUS , they offer a meals on wheels program for free meal delivery. Each state has there own list of agencies that may be able to offer additional services. Respite care and light housekeeping to give you a break a few hours a week and more.Get online and google away ! It is a terrible, confusing process, but don't give up until you get the right answers!
I have been on the waiting list for working as a caregiver for my Mom. The program has been frozen for over a year and I have heard nothing from the people who used to stay in touch and keep me posted of any new developments in the hiring process. I'm guessing this is from all the budget cuts that have taken place. I need to go to work so bad because of my husband's job and the cutback of hours, but there is no way because a caregiver is 24/7.
Lots of hoops to jump through, but it can be done. May not be able to in this case because Dad is not diagnosed though, & pay won't be grand. Talked to mother paid by state to take care of adult quad son, & she gets paid for something like 1.5 hrs of care per day. He CAN leave the house on his own in his motorized wheelchair, but 1.5 hrs/ day to dress, undress, feed, bathe & toilet a quadraplegic? Really? They have a reverse mortgage to pay for his care, & who knows what will happen when that is run out. They will have nothing to care for themselves with. Your best bet may be to try to figure out alternate care for your Mom that the state/medicare/etc WILL pay for, focus on getting a good job, continue to care as able, & be prepared to take care of yourself.
If your parents have the finances to pay you, then they should be paying you. If they have money set aside to leave you when they pass, they should be paying you that money now. If your parents do not have the funds to pay you, then it is much harder to be paid. Do you have siblings? You need to do some research on what it would cost to have a full-time or even a part-time caregiver and discuss that with your siblings, if they are not willing to take care of there parents "for free" then they need to pitch in payment. Does your state have a program that you could take the classes and get paid by the state. My brother is blind and a double amputee, his 20 year old son is his caregiver, he had to be trained, but is now being paid by the state (California) It is part-time pay, but it sure helps. You again, need to do some research, since you are not working, maybe become a CNA, and then you maybe be paid that way.
To my knowledge the home waiver program is available in all states...please remember that you will get 10 different answers from ten different people.BE PERSISTANT and google away to get answers.In addition there are alot of lawyers that will answer your questions for free ! Don't give up !
@trish926, you're exactly right. I totally relate. After my father in law passed there was no one to take care of my mother in law except me & my hubby so we sold our place packed up & moved an hour away from my family & our friends. The other hurdle I face is my hubby is disabled & is in the middle of disability proceedings so i'm taking care of 2 people. I gave up my family, my job & friends b/c I love my in laws & if they need me then i'm there. It's sad that u cant get any type of compensation when there are people out there who get money from the government for nothing. It's not about the money but when u have bills u cant pay,taking care of someone constantly to the point u dont even have time to do 1 thing for yourself. It's a really hard life & I commend u. Hopefully we will have some luck on getting some financial aide! IDK if they have an agency called aging and disability resource center in your area but they are the ones guiding me thru the channels and trying to get me a paycheck.
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I want my brother to live again . Father has money but the other brother hates him so no
In many countries, the family considers it their duty to care for their parents and they do not expect compensation.
I do not mean to sound callous, but what I would rather have is some respect from my siblings that still get to live their own lives that give me a hard time or the businesses that do not seem to understand the concept of caregiving.
So for me it is about the respect from others versus the judging of what I am doing. I want my siblings to communicate with me and understand that my mom's mind is mentally changing and they should check with me before taking her at her word. My mom gets confused and they don't want to accept the fact that her mind is not always right.
So for me it isn't about the compensation it is about the respect. I also want Medicare to provide some of the tools I need to care for my mom instead of me having to pay out of pocket for things my mom needs. My mom needed a new wheelchair and Medicare refused because she had not owned the other one for 5 years. So that is what I need.
There is nothing wrong with us caregivers being given a kind of salary for caring for our loved ones. We are actually saving money for insurance companies by keeping our loved ones at home and caring for them, just an average nursing homes runs $20,000.00 a month, that is a lot of money. And we caregivers would not expect that much money, just enough for us to hire competent aides to give us some breaks and maybe hire physical therapists and cognitive therapists to keep our loved ones active and healthy and vibrant.
Now you wrote about wanting a new wheelchair for your Mother, well if you go to any St Vincent de Paul thrift store they will give you a free wheelchair if they have any. I went to one of those thrift stores to buy a walker and the sweet salesgirl went into the back room and brought out a brand new one, still in it's plastic wrapping, I asked how much it would cost, she told me they do not charge for items like that, they just ask that people return them when they are no longer needed whenever that may be. There are also stores called "Free Stores" or "Free Shops" and they might have a slightly used or brand new wheelchair. Everything in those stores are obviously free. Also if your Dad was a veteran the local VA might be able to get your Mom a free, or very low cost wheelchair.
And to Bonny, we think alike and that's a good thing, we caregivers do deserve money for doing, in my opinion, one of the toughest, most stressful and sometimes very depressing jobs there is, care giving. This is one job that totally does a number on your emotional health and mind. When you look up the stats on care givers, we die much younger than non care givers and we suffer more depression and stress than average people do. So with that in mind of course we deserve compensation to give us some much needed help and rest. Also very often with caregiving our loved one only gets worse and deteriorates as time moves on, so really where is the reward in that and it does cause a great deal of grief, they die twice, first when their personalities and minds go away and then when they actually physically die, that is incredibly tough to deal with...now our love for them is there, but so is this deep sadness that fills our souls, so why don't we deserve money to help us through this sad and trying time in our lives.
Best of luck to you all, and hang in there. We are many!
I have one sister that once in a while will give me some money or pay for mom to have a permanent and another sister that each times she visits will bring mom 2 packages of underwear that we use. Outside of that I get no help from family members, they just think I make good money.
I have issues with Medicare and the supplements in terms of how little they pay and equipment they will not provide. My mom is bound to a wheelchair and hers broke, Medicare told us we only get one every 5 years, so I had to buy that out of my pocket.
There is one thing we do that every caregiver that is living with them or has them living with them is pursuing claiming them on their tax return. I have been doing this for 2 years now and this is my 2nd year of doing this. The first year we did it but did not claim expenses. This year we claimed the medicine and everything else we do that Medicare does not cover. Because my mom is on social security it does not count as income, but it does give me a bit of relief on my income tax.
So to me that is my payment, otherwise I try to show my mom the best time I can like my parents did for me. I am grateful that I was able to take my parents on a cruise for their 50th anniversary. My dad wanted me to see the US and I wanted to show him other countries and cultures. I was able to do so and he died 60 days later. So now I have only my mom to show a good time and it helps with her symptoms.
So for me, I am not looking for payment just trying to do what I beleive is right by my mother. Just a different viewpoint.
1) do not feel guilty for requesting compensation for your labor -- you are earning it! Care giving is the hardest job I have ever done. I watch my grandmother die a little bit every day. And I do it alone. Her son and daughter have not seen her in 7 and 1 year respectively.
2) Educate yourself. Search on line about the laws in your state. There are states that provide for the families to create a contract allowing family caregivers to receive pay or a lien against real property.
3) If the care recipient is military or retired military, there is are programs available through the VA call them ---TODAY! Benefits are retroactive from the date you apply.
4) Ask EVERY ONE for help (respite, finances, supplies, who to call) You never know who will provide you with the answer that will help.
5) Write letters to advocacy groups, legislators, senators, anyone who will listen -- and even if they don't listen now; with enough letters, they will.
6) Understand that people who think you should not receive compensation for family care giving have probably never had to provide care. Allow them their blissful ignorance -- because anyone that has provided care would never wish the understanding on anyone.
7) Take time for you. I know it feels selfish, but this should probably be number one on my list. Start with 10 minutes. Find a hobby. Whatever.
8) Keep a diary -- I have found this helps me retain my sanity. No one can understand your particular situation -- you can. And maybe reading over in retrospect you can help yourself understand. Sometimes this job can be overwhelming, a diary at least gets it out of your head.
9) Reach out to other caregivers. You may not have as much experience as others who are caregivers, but everyone can contribute something. Even if it's only an offer of compassion and empathy...it's more than a lot of us get.
10) Forgive. Forgive society for not realizing how much we are saving the country in outside care. Forgive yourself when patience is short and demands are high.Forgive the government for saying that we as a nation need to embrace the family unit and not facilitating that ideal.
11) and once you forgive ... let it go and move on. Don't give up but allow your forgiveness to propel you forward to answers and advocacy.
I appreciate your allowing me my time on my soapbox. In answer to getting paid. It is not easy, but it can be done. There was actually a bill proposed that would allow family care givers Social Security credit toward retirement. It was not passed. Look into the family care giving contract. As for federal/state funds...it is not hopeful.
Your best bet may be to try to figure out alternate care for your Mom that the state/medicare/etc WILL pay for, focus on getting a good job, continue to care as able, & be prepared to take care of yourself.