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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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He is 91 & very active. If it pertains to something he's interested in, he is very attentive. But when he visits anywhere the peeing gives everywhere. He doesn't care & is lazy.
Has any one thought of a swiffer mop?? If you can get him to grab it, (maybe behind the bathroom door?). Maybe he would try harder. You could check it every few hours and change the pad on it. Just a thought that popped in my head.
My FIL was the same way. He also had bowel accidents (in restaurants, at home, our house, wherever) count yourself lucky it's just pee you're dealing with. I had to have my hubby take dad out of more than ONE restaurant while I dealt with the mess he'd leave behind. He'd come home from such an incident and just want to lie down and I had to get "feisty" and insist he at the very LEAST change his underwear, if he refused to shower. His closet, at the time he died was full of "poopy" underpants. I cried when I saw what he'd left behind. So much dignity lost. As far as the toilet--we had to pull it up, replace the subfloor and put down new linoleum--all because he refused to sit to pee and I couldn't keep up with the cleaning. My 6'5" hubby sits. Always. I really appreciate that! I think it is also much harder when it's not your own father. It was so uncomfortable dealing with my FIL. And, by the age of 91? He isn't going to change and he sure isn't going to clean up after himself. Sorry. Truly sorry.
It is not easy caring for someone with dementia. Know that whatever circumstances which occur as the person gets farther along with the disease eventually the person is unable to walk or move much so outings are cut. You may mind the smell a lot more than others, and so what if he has accidents? He has a terminal illness so make the most of the time you two have left together. Best wishes!
My alz husband wears depends but still drips and it splashes all over the floor and toilet. I have clorox wipes close by and Lysol spray. There is no need in telling him he probably is not doing it on purpose and at his age its useless to try and change his habits. You will only frustrate yourself. Sorry I can't be of more help but you have to pick you battles.
How lucky you are that your 91-yo loved one is still active and mostly attentive. Awesome! Read all the posts on here begging for ideas to get the elders out from in front of the tv all day or even out of bed! I'd swap a pee-dribbling senior any day for one who is depressed and inactive.
Yeah, it is a bummer having to practically pack a diaper bag to take an elder out. We did it because we loved our children and knew that is what caring for them involved. I guess we need to realize that that is what caring for an elder can be like, too.
Dad may be lazy and not care. It is also very likely that he cannot even see the pee that didn't go where it was supposed to. Most bathrooms are very light-colored or white, and most old people don't have excellent vision in that circumstance.
I was lucky, I guess, that my husband was willing to sit down. Easier all around! He didn't make it to 90, but he had dementia and that speeds up some of the aging problems. He helped with things he could handle. I would never have made him clean up after himself in the bathroom. For one thing, it needs cleaning because he couldn't see well in the first place. How could he clean what he can't see? But mostly I would not have wanted him to feel bad. I knew he wasn't lazy and wasn't doing this on purpose. He felt bad enough about all the things he could no longer do correctly. Why rub it in?
For the guys who make a mess in the bathroom, just hand them the Comet and paper towels, and tell them they are old enough to clean. And show them what all needs to be cleaned... that's it is more than a couple shakes of Comet into the bowl. A few times scrubbing will probably makes them more aware that there is a problem in the room, and that they need to solve this problem.
It's too bad he wasn't "trained" to sit down. Being newly married 43 years ago, I almost died when I had to clean up the toilet where my husband had gone. That didn't last long for him standing up. He did it himself and started sitting just so I didn't have to clean up the mess. I'm not dealing with my dad on this problem but 2 little grandsons. Ugh....our son won't train them to sit!!! :))
My Dad was bad at this. And....he didn't care. I had to clean the bathroom all the time and yes, it gets old. At 90 not much u can do. And I'm sorry to say, I wouldn't take him anywhere unless family. I want to enjoy what time I get out. Wipes should be enough, they are usually a 99% disinfectant.
Tomato1351: I can just imagine him saying "that's women's work," even though it's HIS urine! There's a plaque that is probably still available that says "if you sprinkle when you tinkle, (something like) be a sweetie and wipe the seatie."
Shelli is so right regarding "cuz, men don't do that", like it is an insult to their manhood that they [gasp] sit down to pee.
Glad some of the younger generation males don't generalize like that, they use common sense. At the office I overhead two young guys who were in their late 30's randomly talking about playing basketball and because of their aches/pains, plus their height, it was so much easier to sit down to pee than stand up.
Ah yes, I know it well. Same with my 93 yo dad. Thanks for the cleanup tip. I will have to try it. Guess we just need to remember their age, use the air freshener, and keep cleaning. I know my father would NEVER sit down, 'cuz "men don't do that :-)". I just have to remember to be patient.
Get some inexpensive contour rugs that fit around the toilet and wash every other day. The rug will help keep him from tracking pee out of the bathroom.
I am not near his age and I sneez or bend over and wee as well as can't leave home some days because I can't keep from pooing I says if you don't feel you can clean up behind him get a housekeeper every other day and yes feel lucky you have him still depends for men are what both me and my husband use when need
Ask your spouse to make sure dad wears depends guards or pads on outings. Pee and poop dont bother me one bit. Puke? Not so much. I agree with the above, just bring cleaning supplies and make it fun. You are lucky he still is active at 91. Bet he is full of wisdom and stories i woukd love to hear.
Darn, I have to have a huge purse to carry the extra Depends, the bottle of cleaner, Rubber gloves and Lysol wipes. It gets worse every day to carry all this stuff! I have basically stopped taking him places like restaurants. I don't feel it is fair to subject other people to the smells of possible accidents in a public place. I do still take him to outings outside. Or to friends who understand what could possible happen while we are there. But I am even stopping doing that now too! It is just too upsetting for me to go through all of this.
Well, if you clean up at your home, then you will have to clean up at others' homes, restrict fluid intake before going outside his home, and or have him wear men's Depends (padded garments). He is not being "lazy", he probably doesn't even notice or see the "pee". If he is well-hydrated urine will be almost clean.
Tomato, as others have stated you can't teach an old dog new tricks. At 91 I highly doubt he will change, so when visiting pack your little spray bottle of cleaner, gloves, papertowel and just be glad it's not pooh. It could always be worse : ). Sorry for the bad news.
Good luck with that! Hahaha. Yes, I have made my husband sit down to pee, and it does work. But if you aren't there with him to make it happen, it probably won't happen. I have to watch my husband like a hawk! That's OK. He is watching me like a hawk too!!!!! LOL You gotta inject some humor into it. It will probably be your job to go in after him and clean it up yourself. He probably doesn't know what is happening or what he is doing when he pees. Sorry to give you this news!
Tomato1351, yes, we went thru this with my 92 yo dad who died 3 mo ago. Tell him to SIT while he pees. That will solve the problem! Tell him it's the best thing to do! Clean up misses with a mixture of Windex spray and straight vinegar spray. Use paper towel and a pair of gloves. Also, invest in replacing the toilet with a taller, high capacity toilet so he, and eventually you, will enjoy! ---Best wishes from someone who has been thru it all!
Tomato, it isn't because he doesn't care or his lazy, he grew up in a society where the women did the vast majority of the cleaning. At his age he's not going to change.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Just a thought that popped in my head.
Sorry I can't be of more help but you have to pick you battles.
Yeah, it is a bummer having to practically pack a diaper bag to take an elder out. We did it because we loved our children and knew that is what caring for them involved. I guess we need to realize that that is what caring for an elder can be like, too.
Dad may be lazy and not care. It is also very likely that he cannot even see the pee that didn't go where it was supposed to. Most bathrooms are very light-colored or white, and most old people don't have excellent vision in that circumstance.
I was lucky, I guess, that my husband was willing to sit down. Easier all around! He didn't make it to 90, but he had dementia and that speeds up some of the aging problems. He helped with things he could handle. I would never have made him clean up after himself in the bathroom. For one thing, it needs cleaning because he couldn't see well in the first place. How could he clean what he can't see? But mostly I would not have wanted him to feel bad. I knew he wasn't lazy and wasn't doing this on purpose. He felt bad enough about all the things he could no longer do correctly. Why rub it in?
Glad some of the younger generation males don't generalize like that, they use common sense. At the office I overhead two young guys who were in their late 30's randomly talking about playing basketball and because of their aches/pains, plus their height, it was so much easier to sit down to pee than stand up.
I have basically stopped taking him places like restaurants. I don't feel it is fair to subject other people to the smells of possible accidents in a public place. I do still take him to outings outside. Or to friends who understand what could possible happen while we are there. But I am even stopping doing that now too! It is just too upsetting for me to go through all of this.