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You tell the staff that you are bringing her home for a visit, and you never take her back. Then when they call you to ask where she is or when you are bringing her back, you tell them she isn't coming back. We are keeping her here. Make sure you call her retirement income sources IMMEDIATELY to stop her checks from going to the home.
It is not difficult to have someone discharged from a nursing home. Contact their Doctor and request he/she write a discharge order. If the doctor feels your loved can receive the type of support required there is no problem. If the Doctor feels the level of care required can not be received in the home than maybe you should reconsider. However, if you still feel this is the right choice, tell the facility you want to discharge your loved one AMA (aginst medical advice). Under the law the nursing home must comply. They may have to call and report this to the state as an unsafe discharge and the state will send out an investigator to assure proper care is being received. If they deem the care adiquate there is no problem.
You don't have to go through all that red tape and getting doctor ok's to take your Mom out of the dog kennel. Actually, a dog kennel treats dogs better than a nursing home treats your loved one. I DO agree with examining if you can give your Mom the level of care she needs at home though. If not, then there are people you can hire to come in to your home and take care of things.
First of all, it would help if you told us about your mother's health; how she ended up in the nursing home; and the level of care she needs.
Second, not all nursing homes care less for their residents than a dog kennel treats dogs.
Third, in my own mother's case, her neurologist has said she would need skilled nursing care 24 hours a day. She is totally bedridden; very prone to seizures; and has had some mild heart attacks. Her long term health care insurance would not pay anything for her care at home other than home health care and home builder care. My step-dad is much older than her; is confined to his wheel chair; often falls asleep watching tv and is getting harder and harder to wake up. I'm on disability as is my wife and we have two teenage boys. There is not enough room for us to move into their house nor enough room for them to move into our house. Plus, with my childhood issues with my mother, it would be terribly unhealthy.
Fourth, is your mother asking to come home and not understand or capable of understanding why she can't? Has this made you feel fearful of being angry at you; obligated to obey mom; and fear guilty if you don't?
Fifth, who is going to care for your mother and is there enough money to provide the level of care needed?
I agree -give us more info why do you want her out of there who is going to do the caregiveing if it is you and this is all new to you read post here and on grossed out going back some so you know what you are getting yourself in for-if you have never been a caregiver you have no idea how hard it is are you able to keep going with next to no sleep day after day after year after year-think this over real seriously.
I took care of my, much loved Mom for 10+years, didn't want to hear anything about nursing homes-not for her !!! Well the time did come when I just couldn't do it anymore and she was placed in a NH. Much to my surprise, she was treated great, and I will admit that I wish I would have done it sooner. I now weigh 101 lbs, was 135, she wouldn't have wanted that. She passed into heaven july 7th and I feel no guilt, I just miss her terribly. Do a lot of thinking before taking her out. My Mom had dementia.
Indeed, for so many older adults the phrase 'nursing home' sounds like a modern title for the old 'poor house.' While they are not all perfect and often you do get what you pay for, they are much better than the stereotype which is taking a long, hard time to die.
Upon entry to ANY nursing home, Ahhhhh, what is that aroma that literally makes your eyes water, nose burn and makes you feel like you need to shower beFORE you get back into your car? Yes, that's right. URINE. While you see the Nurse's Aide's gossipping and giggling over in a corner, and NEVER see a Maintenance or Housekeeping person ANYWHERE in site. Case in point- NURSING HOME FACILITIES NEED TO HIRE MORE STAFF, THEY ARE OVERWORKED, OVERLOADED AND UNDERSTAFFED! This COULD be the reason for the cases of neglect, foul odors and the interest from elders to want to be placed in one. They lose their privacy, independence, dignity (in most cases), and of course their will to try anymore. Here's an idea, Instead of raising taxes with referendum's to help school district's that claim they are in financial trouble, (caused by overspending and outlandish administrative salaries), let's get on the band wagon to help nursing home facilities with monies to raise pay scales for nursing staff, and maintenance and housekeeping staff. If there were actual rewards for choosing a career in a nursing home, there would be many more people seeking employment in these facilities and the DREADED words "nursing home" would have a much different and NEEDED ring to them.
Generalizations like above do not hold water. I've visited plenty of nursing home which are not of the variety you describe above. The only ones that come close to what you are describing are in very remote, underprivileged, and poor economic areas. I'm sorry you have such a negative outlook.
I agree we would need more information on your mother's health and the reasons you want to bring her home. Having the ability to care for a loved one is wonderful, but it is a balance. You must be able to manage your own health care and stress levels. I took care of my mother for three years at home and it was such a blessing. It was not without struggles and much stress. My first advice, be sure you can take care of yourself and her first. I ended up in the hospital with sleep depravation and care giver fatigue, balance is a must. Please provide details as to why you want to bring her home. It is awesome if you can mange, but you must review all areas of concern before just yanking her out. Seniors do not adjust to change very fast, so you must concern yourself with what is in the best interest of your mother. Blessings, Bridget Wetterer
As someone posted on my wall once, martyrdom is suicide by degree. I read so many stories of self-martyrdom and their collateral damage which sometimes is like a very long and wide wake behind a boat that it is more of a problem than how many nursing homes stink. Caring for an elderly parent does not immediately or even biblically automatically mean at home and it for sure does not mean destroying one's total or partial health, marriage if any, relationships with young children if any, relationships with grown children if any, relationships with grandchildren if any, one's current financial stability for daily living or one's future retirement because 'oh well, as I've heard touted ___ and ___ come and go, but you only have one mom or dad." Where in the world did this idea that a mom or dad is God come from and as adult children we are to sacrifice all to them and cleave to them until death do we part?
I just Seen Where You said "they were in the corner Giggling". That is the reason you smell urine. No pay raises needed. More Home Health Aide is needed.
Brammer, I agree with the first poster taking your mom out and not returning her. Can you tell them she doesnt want to go back, is crying to stay so you are going to keep her maybe? No doubt you have no idea what you are in for, because I didnt, almost 3 years now for me with my mom at home, but I too have seen too much in rehabs alone, to ever place her. I get help with morning care and daycare, I spoil her and she deserves it . I just think, "what would I want in my last years?" I would want to be with family and for them to get home care so they can also have a life. No one will ever yell at my mom, neglect her, or let her sit in urine, she is better than that. I have interviewed prospective home care cna's from several nursing homes and they all tell me horror stories. Some have 8-14 patients to get up and to breakfast between 5-7am! I do believe people think they are good because it justifies them putting them in a home, they want to believe it, and of course they are on better behavior when visitors come. Bless you for taking her out, regardless of her condition. I have a friend whos momis bedridden and her mom goes to daycare daily and back to her home every day, it can be done, if you really want it. I am not putting down people who use NH's, I understand some people cannot handle their parent at home, I have siblings who do not help at all also. I figured my mom had me over 20 years, now it my turn to take care of her. Hope we hear from you and what you did and best of luck.
Not all nursing homes treat their patients like "dogs" sylvester,that is a disgusting thing to say,and untrue. I agree,that you need to describe why you are asking the question.Also,taking her out for a visit,and then saying you will not bring her back will cause problems.The Social services could get involved,and sometimes worse. Think about it seriously.
It's tough to guide you since, as others have said, we don't have a lot of information to go on here regarding your mother, her health, and your reasons for wanting to bring her home.
We cared for my Mom (Alzheimer's) at home for many, many years. After she took a minor fall, she ended up in the hospital who transferred her to a rehab center for PT (which she couldn't do because of the advanced Alzheimer's) and they transferred her to an Alzheimer's unit of a care facility. When we told them we wanted to bring her home, we were told if we tried to they would report us to Adult Protective Services since Mom was in advanced stages of Alzheimer's and they didn't feel we could care for her at home. We immediately hired a live-in caregiver and, together with Hospice, got the house ready for Mom and brought her home. She ended up only being in the facility for a few weeks gratefully.
I tell you this since you should also find out what, if any repercussions might result if you just bring her home without letting them know. You don't need additional problems. And they may be willing to work with you to help bring her home.
As for all the pros-cons about care facilities, again, this is a VERY personal decision. Regardless of what you decide, don't let anyone make you feel guilty for your decision. I've seen some amazing, wonderful, loving facilities ~ and then there are the others. Remember: providing care for a loved one doesn't always mean that YOU have to do it. It means making sure your mother is safe, warm, well-fed, and cared for. And you also need to make sure that you are taking care of yourself ~ so that you can care for your mother regardless of where she resides. Search your heart long and hard and decide what is right for both of you.
You are 100% right jasmine- my Mom was treated great and there was no odor anywhere. Unless you have POA, it would not be wise to just take her out, could mean, you would be asking for trouble. I live in a rather small town, we have several NH and I would trust any of them to give loving care.
I agree, depending on your mom's level of health issues I would think, think and THINK again before discharging her home. My mental and physical well being almost broke the bank just running between my Dads Nursing home, my home, and to my Mom's home to see about her, take her to doc appointments, taking care of their household as Dad did before his stroke...oh, did I mention I work full time?!! If you don't like the care your mom is receiving perhaps check out another nursing home. As for us, I consider our familly to be blessed not once but twice as both of my parents now reside in nursing home care at the same nursing home, we love the staff they are very attentative, call me with concerns and updates, house keeping is always seen cleaning, the meals aren't that great but they're nutritional and filing, meds are properly dispensed, mom and dad's hygene is great and they feel safe and cared for by the entire staff. Bottom line is Mom and Dad have all their needs tended to and I have my life back, a lot to be thankful for, so please think with your head as well as your heart and best wishes to you whatever you decide.
brammer's profile has not provided any information since asking this question on November 17th and they have not had any activity on this site since then. I hope everything is ok with them, but it sure would be nice to hear from them.
This is for just a friend but who was living on his own with home health care until he had a slight stroke. They put in in a nursing home far from home, family, friends and church in a economically depressed area and a home with a very low ranking. He's had serious health problems they do not look at, substandard care and is becoming more depressed and suicidal every day. He doesn't even know how he ended up in this home. My sister turned in the home for health violations and filth etc. He must have a social care worker somewhere controling his case. He is on medicaid, only 62, no dementia, physical problems but surely there is some way to get him evaluated to see if there are other alternatives. I don't know where to turn and he asks me for help. Are there any answers?
My mother was sent to a Nursing home at first for just Rehab and now they are telling me she needs 24 hour care. Wants all her money until medicaid steps in which leave my mother flat broke and no place to come home to if Medicaid turns her down. So for my mother best Interest I'm bringing her home and getting her care at home. If I new for sure Medicaid would pick her up that is a different story all together, but until they know for sure I can't give all my mothers money to a nursery home and then she would have to leave if medicaid didn't pick her up and she would have no home to come home to. So I really don't have no choice at this point but to bring her home.... any suggestions would help
I'm my mother POA also and did I mention that I have taken care of my mother for 10 years. She has dementia and it is getting worse, but this stay was only soppose to be a rehabilation and now has turn into this. I go see her almost everyday and other then being weak and her dementia getting worse she isn't doing anything or I'm not seeing anything different then what I have had to do in the last year taken care of her. NO there are time I don't like it and wish it was different but there is no one else to help. I have done it all trust me. I love my mom and I know in my heart and that is where you have to search is your heart she belongs at home with me. Her daughter.
I got my husband out of a nursing home. He is not elderly. He has very special needs as he is paralyzed from a stroke. He has a special bed, a hoyer lift, a feeding tube, etc. Without the help of the nusring home, I got lucky and got him out on a homecare waiver. I have help through an agency. An aide comes to the house everyday. A nurse comes twice a week, a doctor comes once a month, a speech therapist comes twice a week, and a podiatrist comes every two months. My husband is much happier and healthier. Deb Davis
Shirley If your Mom has assests below the limit that medicaide uses she will qualify -she can be medicaide pending while the social worker does the paperwork-she will have to self pay until her funds are at a certain point and then medicaide will take over-she will be able to keeps funds allowed under medicaide-if you take her home and you can not take care of her you will have to wait until she is hospitalized for 3 days to get her back in rehab-talk to the social worker at the facility and she should be able to tell you if she will get medicaide and if she needs to spend down assests but her money needs to be used for her care-she can preplan for a funeral which will be about $8000.00 .
my mom went in with just a uti infection and that is all the doctors told me, the main reason I put her in, and she has deminta, and she is being fed soft food when the doc said she should be off it in a week, and the nursing home is still feeding her baby food as she calls it for a month
My mother has problems close to dementia and she is quickly getting worse...she lives with her boyfriend who has her wait on him hand and foot and uses her to make my life hell I want to get her out of that situation and somewhere where she'll at least be given medical care which she isn't getting now because he doesn't want her to have it. But I've been told that if I put her in care that he can just come a long behind me and sign her back out...is this true?? Also I would go to court and get everything done legally but I just can't afford it...and her boyfriend has been getting her to do things to cause trouble for me for over half a year now...what can I do? to get this stopped and to get her out of there?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
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Second, not all nursing homes care less for their residents than a dog kennel treats dogs.
Third, in my own mother's case, her neurologist has said she would need skilled nursing care 24 hours a day. She is totally bedridden; very prone to seizures; and has had some mild heart attacks. Her long term health care insurance would not pay anything for her care at home other than home health care and home builder care. My step-dad is much older than her; is confined to his wheel chair; often falls asleep watching tv and is getting harder and harder to wake up. I'm on disability as is my wife and we have two teenage boys. There is not enough room for us to move into their house nor enough room for them to move into our house. Plus, with my childhood issues with my mother, it would be terribly unhealthy.
Fourth, is your mother asking to come home and not understand or capable of understanding why she can't? Has this made you feel fearful of being angry at you; obligated to obey mom; and fear guilty if you don't?
Fifth, who is going to care for your mother and is there enough money to provide the level of care needed?
Case in point- NURSING HOME FACILITIES NEED TO HIRE MORE STAFF, THEY ARE OVERWORKED, OVERLOADED AND UNDERSTAFFED! This COULD be the reason for the cases of neglect, foul odors and the interest from elders to want to be placed in one. They lose their privacy, independence, dignity (in most cases), and of course their will to try anymore. Here's an idea, Instead of raising taxes with referendum's to help school district's that claim they are in financial trouble, (caused by overspending and outlandish administrative salaries), let's get on the band wagon to help nursing home facilities with monies to raise pay scales for nursing staff, and maintenance and housekeeping staff. If there were actual rewards for choosing a career in a nursing home, there would be many more people seeking employment in these facilities and the DREADED words "nursing home" would have a much different and NEEDED ring to them.
Generalizations like above do not hold water. I've visited plenty of nursing home which are not of the variety you describe above. The only ones that come close to what you are describing are in very remote, underprivileged, and poor economic areas. I'm sorry you have such a negative outlook.
Blessings, Bridget Wetterer
I agree,that you need to describe why you are asking the question.Also,taking her out for a visit,and then saying you will not bring her back will cause problems.The Social services could get involved,and sometimes worse.
Think about it seriously.
We cared for my Mom (Alzheimer's) at home for many, many years. After she took a minor fall, she ended up in the hospital who transferred her to a rehab center for PT (which she couldn't do because of the advanced Alzheimer's) and they transferred her to an Alzheimer's unit of a care facility. When we told them we wanted to bring her home, we were told if we tried to they would report us to Adult Protective Services since Mom was in advanced stages of Alzheimer's and they didn't feel we could care for her at home. We immediately hired a live-in caregiver and, together with Hospice, got the house ready for Mom and brought her home. She ended up only being in the facility for a few weeks gratefully.
I tell you this since you should also find out what, if any repercussions might result if you just bring her home without letting them know. You don't need additional problems. And they may be willing to work with you to help bring her home.
As for all the pros-cons about care facilities, again, this is a VERY personal decision. Regardless of what you decide, don't let anyone make you feel guilty for your decision. I've seen some amazing, wonderful, loving facilities ~ and then there are the others. Remember: providing care for a loved one doesn't always mean that YOU have to do it. It means making sure your mother is safe, warm, well-fed, and cared for. And you also need to make sure that you are taking care of yourself ~ so that you can care for your mother regardless of where she resides. Search your heart long and hard and decide what is right for both of you.
Warm hugs ~ xo! p.
Unless you have POA, it would not be wise to just take her out, could mean, you would be asking for trouble.
I live in a rather small town, we have several NH and I would trust any of them to give loving care.