I have found caregivers napping when my Mom's asleep. Should I be upset by this?

There is no easy answer here. I was my mothers care giver for almost 2 years.
It nearly killed me. I was not being paid. It was a really bad situation. Still is.
I had to leave mom to fend for herself. Mom won't allow in home care. & my mom is an alcoholic. She's dirty. Smells. Won't shower. Is mean. Sleeps weird times during the day. She sneaks calling a taxi to have her wine delivered. Lost her drivers license. To a DUI. Which I called the police on to catch her drunk driving. Not good at all. !!!!!
As far as this caregiver napping. While on shift. I think it's fair to say that's between the care giver. The patient. & the person paying the bill.
In my moms case. My brother who is supposed to be her poa. He should have gone down & found a part time caregiver to at least bathe mother.
He Has done nothing. I couldn't let mom sit in dirty clothes. Day after day. Not showering. Not washing hair.
My situation is pretty extreme.
The lesson it taught me. Is you never know what another family is dealing with.
I am still having major panic attacks from trying to help my mom.
Too emotional. Too draining.
Did I sleep when needed. ??? Not at first. Now I regret that.
My body is paying the price trying to be superwoman.
Not fun.
The ? Above is should a caregiver take naps. Depends on the entire situation. If we were paying help on my mom. & that person needs an hour nap to get thru the day.
I would say amen. Happy snoozing. Only because being a care giver was the hardest thing besides giving birth to my babies that I've done in my entire life.
Peace to everyone.
Do the best you can.
D

It depends on what responsibilities the care taker was assigned. If they were told, no napping, then there is no napping. I personally don't see how they are hurting anything, by dozing when she does. They are in the same room.

*chuckles* once again the two Ladees are on the same page .. This has been an enlightening conversation .. and .. I'd love to hear back from the original poster. Still too many unanswered questions to give an informed answer.

I don't agree with aides sleeping while the patient is sleeping. Nurses in hospitals don't do that. They are being paid hourly to sleep??? Don't think so.... I would say something about it right away, and if it has been more than one aide that does this, I would talk with the agency. It is completely wrong, unless it's a nightshift job and it's in the job's description.

I think the key point that really got me was that it bothered your mother. If Mom is not comfortable with it, then I think her feelings should be considered. Her life and well being are in this person's hands afterall. If Mom doesn't want them moving about while she sleeps, perhaps they can do activities in the room that don't require a lot of movement. Read a book. Do a puzzle like crosswords or word finds, do your shopping lists and to do lists; something that doesn't require noise.

I would talk to Mom first about her concerns and what she wants. Then I would talk to the caregiver. There is probably a happy medium somewhere. But ultimately, if the caregiver needs to stay away while Mom sleeps, they need to stay awake.

I'm not in this situation, but if it were me, I would probably have a problem with it. The caregiver is not working early morning or late evening. Its 11am to 7pm, hours of the day that it should not be difficult to stay awake when you are paid to do so. I think its different when you have a family person caring for a relative vs someone who is paid to come into your home for this specific task. Its part of the job that you are renumerated for. Obviously there is a reason why a caregiver is needed to stay in the room with them when they sleep. If the caregiver is sleeping, how can they possibly watch for problems? This caregiver doesn't wake with Mom, otherwise Mom wouldn't have said it bothers her.

I think that paid caregivers can take a break or to as long as he or she does not neglect her caregiver work that she is paid for. If the caregiver is not paying complete attention to the job he/she is being paid expensive costs by the relative or the client to do the proper care, do not make an issue with the caregiver. If the problem cannot be resolved between you and the caregiver, it is time to call the agency or even another agency for help and ask for a proper caregiver who is able to do the right job.

I'm the original poster and am very grateful for all the input. I'll try to give some clarity to some of the questions. I've been a caregiver (varying between part-time & full time) for my parents (90's) for 3 years (Dad passed over a year ago). I'm single and balance care giving with a full time job. Many of you alluded to working several jobs and it being helpful to sleep. I get it. I've taken many Alzheimer's caregiver classes, so that I can understand what Mom is going through and help her to the best of my ability. My Mom is middle stage Alz in good health. Memory is her issue. The confusion brought on by the Alz is part of the reason she sleeps so much; it quiets the brain. Well, that and she's 91. She sleeps through the night, soundly, even with the major naps (10-11:30 am and 1-4 pm ) during the day. She can handle moderate activity in other rooms or quiet activity in the room where she is sleeping. She's also a sound napper. I often work, generally on a computer in an adjacent room. I also handle phone calls. This does not disturb her. I'm close so that I can reach her quickly if need be. Times where this is most necessary are phone calls, doorbell, or dreams. These things cause her to bolt off the couch (her favorite resting place) in a semi-concious state and agitate her greatly. I realize from my own care giving that the boredom can be intense! Coupled with being tired, sleeping while she's sleeping seems logical. Done it myself. My Mom is not a TV watcher and is mostly annoyed by it. She'll only want to watch a bit in the evenings. The TV is in the room where she sleeps. My husband used to care for her and worked in the same room on a couch across from her. It didn't seem to bother her. Except that the lack of memory would lead her to ask who he was and why he was on her couch. A question that I get from her about caregivers. I've explained that they are there to help her with anything she needs and are specialists with people who have memory loss. I tell her they are required by their job to be in the same room as her, just in case. That seems to satisfy her, except when they sleep. She doesn't understand how they are helping her if they are sleeping. A question, I myself, found hard to satisfy for an 8 hour day shift. The result is that she wants them to go away completely. A battle I don't want to engage in. Hence, the reason for my question.

Particulars:
Yes, I have found her awake and them asleep. The house is not getting cleaned, a fairly new problem (same caregivers). Nutritious meals are not prepared for her. I'm also noticing blankets laying about and various beds in the house with rumpled covers...my Mom is meticulous. A crease or lump in a bed cover makes her crazy. She flawlessly makes her bed every morning. You couldn't find a wrinkle in the thing with a magnifying glass...wife to an x-military man. LOL

My realizations:
I didn't mind when a caregiver occasionally napped with her in the same room. I understand boredom and fatique. My problem is that is has become a habit. For months after my first experience of finding a care giver asleep I said nothing. Now my inaction is interpreted as permission. Mom and I've talked about it and neither of us is comfortable with a care giver sleeping on a daytime shift. A paid daytime shift of 8 hours should not need to sleep on the job, especially if Mom is awake. It is a safety, ethical/professionalism issue for me. It is also against the agencies own policies. I need to discuss with the care givers my feelings about sleeping on the job and share with them what Mom has told me and I know for myself. I will talk to a care giver before going to the agency. I realize I need to set some guidelines. If Mom is awake the caregiver should be awake. If they can do chores in an adjacent room while she sleeps, that is the priority. If daily chores are done, then stay in the room where she's sleeping and do something that won't disturb her. I'm fine with the suggested items-read, computer (work, home, even games, just nothing illicit obviously), correspondence, crafts, music w/headphones (1 in, 1 out so she can be heard), study, etc.

I've also realized that my Mom's care needs have changed. I need to keep updating care giver responsibilities as her condition changes. She used to drive the household duties, but isn't doing that now. I need to be have some guidelines for my care givers about duties. From all the input it sounds like guidelines are helpful to all concerned.

Thanks for giving me clarity and piece of mind on the issue! Mom and I thank you!

CFG - sounds like you've got that well and truly sorted. Well done :)

I would talk to them because that can be dangerous , you never know when your mom may wake up and might not be to lucid . but some with Alzheimer still know how to in their own word " sneak past the gastpo if they are asleep. " it is against the policy of the agencies for their caregivers to nap on the job because they are getting paid good and well if they are not doing anything they should not be getting paid.

I can understand being annoyed finding an employee sleeping on the job. However, if the caregiver makes noise, your mother gets upset. If the caregiver sleeps, your mother gets upset. It sounds as if she is going to be upset either way. Perhaps the three of you can reach a compromise agreeable to all; schedule regular "work" periods where the caregiver can prepare food, clean, do whatever s/he is supposed to do in addition to just being there. Structure can be helpful for your mother and once she becomes accustomed to the routine, the noise will be less troublesome - it will become the breathing pattern of the house. Another compromise would be getting your mother to wear headphones when she naps - perhaps she has a favorite radio station whose music would cancel out any noise the caregiver may make.

Regarding the caregiver sleeping on the job. It would be MY preference if they did not. But to be realistic, there's a likelihood the caregivers may be working more than one job to make ends meet and if they've accomplished the tasks for their shift and your mother is napping herself, I don't really see the harm in it. In exchange for being allowed to nap when your mother is napping, perhaps the caregiver would be agreeable to your mother ringing a bell if she awakens and needs assistance.

Most importantly, YOU have to accept the fact that you are doing the best you can for your mother. We all want an ideal situation for those we love and when things don't go perfectly, the feelings of frustration, confusion, and guilt are natural.

You are paying these people to care for your mother. People get fired for sleeping on the job - that is what they are doing. You have every right to be upset and report them to their agency. What if your mother falls out of bed while they are sleeping? I have personally had this happen in facilities where the family hired a caregiver to sit with their loved one at the assisted living! The caregivers need to keep themselves awake by reading or needlework or being on their computer or anything! Their responsibility is to watch over your mother and they cannot do this if they are asleep. Geez, a job where I can get paid to sleep? Sign me up!

One of my Mom's caregivers works all night at another job and then comes to my Mom's and works a 12 hour shift -7a-7p. I didn't know this at first but she shared the info with another family member. I wasn't going to say anything but I was finding her napping alot when I was over there (dozes off sitting in chair) and then Mom told me that she doesn't say much to her anymore. She is probably trying to stay up 20-24 hours to work this shift. After pondering it and observing the difference between her demeanor and the other caregivers I called the agency. I work in a hospital and we don't allow greater than 16 hour shifts-it's not safe so I had to let them know. I want my Mom's caregivers to be engaging and help her throughout the day maintain a routine. At night, if they aren't liveins ,I have no problem with napping as long as they are listening out for Mom. During the day they need to be interacting with their client or doing something quietly productive. Not all chores are noisey or distracting. If something bothers you address it and change it , you are spending a lot of money providing that care.

Well i seen this and i am a PCT, CNA. i do private work and agency, i ted top be more drawn to private cases more rewarding and feel like i am needed by the family. I have rested when my clients were sleeping but never fell asleep, i do sew and crochet remember we are coming in the home setting not a restaurant to run non stop. I do sll the requirements fot the personal care, however at times the client feels because we are paid we are to continually be at work. All of private cases the family has made me feel so welcome so loved which is why i am a caregiver. Agencys tend to just place a person on a case..All cases are different as each individual is different the bottom line is try ro make all feel trusted and welcomed if this is something thats seems to bother which i feel it is , or you would not have written in to this sit the caregiver with the member whom is being cared for and discuss it, bringing the agency into it they are quick to change the caregiver,I have sat many hours overnite in hospitals, and nursing homes i can tell you its not easy not to rest when my client was resting.My question to you is if they are trusted and doing a gopod job and showing the care so desired by your loved one then why worry... i hope all works out for you and your family A GOOD CAREGIVER COMES FEW AND FAR BETWEEN

There are obviously many sides to this story. The first priority of a paid caregiver is the patient. Here the mother is bothered by finding the help asleep so it has to stop. She is not performing other assigned duties and seeking places in the house away from her charge to sleep undisturbed and I stress sleep not nap. In my original post I assumed these were late nights or overnights when anyone may occasionally fall asleep. This caregiver clearly is planning her sleep periods so she needs a reality check or find a new job. This has now become a totally unacceptable situation. I think it is also important to point out that the huge hourly rate clients pay to an agency are not the amounts the caregiver receives

@TammyAnn - you make a good point. Caregiving is not about running round like you are working in a restaurant. Some of it is just watching someone - standing guard over them as they sleep. And I agree that good caregivers can be difficult to find. But I still stand by my previous answer that they should not sleep on the job. Blessings to you!

Devil you know is better than the devil you don't know.

As long as she is napping and not in a dead sleep, gets up when your mother calls I say it is ok. What is the difference between napping and doing a activity such as reading, knitting, or watching TV.

If it bothers you to the point of anger, sit her down and let her know there is no napping on the job. Tell them to bring a book.

Eyerishlass, Do you need another job? I live in Georgia and you sound like the care giver I would love to have for my mom. :)

My caregivers sleep on tbe job...when my grandma is asleep. It doesn't bother me, but believe me...she lets them know when she's awake!

BUT DEFINITELY--NO SLEEPING!!! I would talk with the agency and let them know about your concerns. From the agency that I have worked with in the past, I have never heard of an employ napping especially during the day time. Diplomatically, call the agency and let them know of your concerns as you are paying for an alert staff person.

You said...."But in an 8 hour shift, 7 days a week there is only so much cleaning a person can do. When she's awake they are active with her (we have watchful neighbors). My Mom also gets upset if they disturb her by doing things while she's asleep." There is only so much TV watching and/or reading a person can do before your brain is numb & you fall asleep if you're not "allowed" to do anything else during that time. I would say to cut them a break as long as they aren't sleeping so soundly that your Mom has to wake them up. Sounds like your mother is well cared for.

I think you should do it all yourself..with out a nap..

They should NEVER sleep, that is not they are paid to do. I have had issues with this in past too.. One girl had fallen asleep with her shoes on the couch which really upset my mom, she felt that since mom has trouble talking she would not be able to tell me. The next time she fell asleep, she hit the tray next to where mom was reclining and knocked water all over her... she did not tell me, just put the blanket in the wash. That was her last day working here.

Caregiving is a hard job and does not pay well. I have two caregivers in addition to myself to take care of mom's (101 years) needs. I treat them with such love and care and even cook gourmet meals to keep them happy every day. If they fall asleep it is fine and I don't even expect them to sit in my mom's room. I want to have them look at it more than a job. One care giver took two buses on her day off to come and see mom when
she had a stroke last month. They are treated like family and they in turn give the loving care that my mom is used to. So be more understanding with your caregivers so they don't have to look over their shoulder. This will give you peace of mind too. Good luck! You are a good daughter to care so much!

I agree with ladeem, I also have taken care of people in home. There is just so much you can do before you go out of your mind. my sister in law was a full time care giver who worked for a fine man, he did not mind that she had crafts while his mother sat all day watching TV and sleeping off and on. if you are happy with this person and trust that they are not doing any harm, than keep the communication open and it will all work out from there. We care givers are also human, I don't care how professional people say the are they are still human. If you don't want to do it yourself don't expect it to be perfect from someone else. I take care of my 96 year old mother and it's not easy, so hats off to anyone that gets paid peanuts for doing it, the money never out weighs the effort. talk to your give giver, treat them like family instead of hired help and you may see different results, after all you have entrusted them with your mothers life. Good luck love a lot than cry

I am a care giver and feel it all depends on mom and/or the family. I've had some moms get very upset if I stay in the room with them. Then, there are those that don't want me to leave their side. Some mom's wait till you sleep then try to get up and get around to do things they shouldn't... like walk. It's an iffy subject. I have slept and it's been okay because the family provided a baby monitor so mom could be heard or I've slept in a chair next to the bed. Everybody is different and their needs are the same. Listen with your experience and your heart. For the family, if you prefer the caregiver to remain awake, tell them. They won't get upset and if they do, you have the wrong caregiver.

Good grief - some of the comments about "an 8-hr shift" as tho it's 80 hrs! Would
you expect an employee working an 8-hr shift at a bank or a retail store to fall asleep during the day? If they know your Mom naps a lot, they should bring along something to read or work on when she does sleep, but for heavens sake, stay awake while doing it! We've had helpers with my Mom for 3 yrs. now, and one "nods off" a lot - to the point we've had to nearly shout to wake her, as Mom has gotten up and tried to walk by herself. Obviously, we've never left this one alone with her! Mom has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember she's in her own house, so my sister and I are there (from out of town) on a "rotation" basis to keep the household stuff going (groceries, cooking meals, laundry, etc). We have caregivers for Mom so we can do that as well as errands outside the house, but need to know they're alert and watchful, since Mom can't walk on her own, but will try to stand up and go. All we need is another fall and hip break and we're back to square one of a long journey bringing Mom back from rehab, then, when pneumonia developed, assisted care (where she dropped from 130 down to 90 lbs.), and back home, where we've worked to get her back up to 118 lbs with the help and attentive care of 2 wonderful caregivers (of our 3 - the "sleeper," who's about to be dismissed, as last week I walked into the den from the laundry room and found her asleep and my Mom not in the room with her!!) A little panic could help you make your decision!

SB, yes white noise of some kind would be good. You can even buy little noise generating devises that make ocean waves, birds chirping and all sorts of things.
A humidifier makes quite a bit of noise and is beneficial in what are often overly heated rooms, for the elders. A fan in summer.
My mother sleeps with her T.V. turned up to 11, so nothing bothers HER. Drives me to distraction, but oh well.

Good caregivers are hard to find. If you have some that are doing their chores and taking care of Mom and her needs as she requires, definitely talk to the caregiver first about the napping. My own step son fell asleep while supposedly sitting with his Dad and that was for a 2 hour stint while his wife sat there and watched them both sleep. Later chastising her husband for sleeping. I never left the house when they were here, but was always in another room doing something. One suggestion might be to break the time between the caregivers to a 4 hour shift each, but ask them first. 8 hours is a long time for anyone, yes, people work 8 hour shifts all the time, but from my own experience, 8 hours of sitting and watching can be quite unstimulating for anyone. Knitting, crocheting, watching TV quietly or whatever should be options after the work is done or when Mom is napping. Bless all the wonderful caregivers everywhere - you are angels in disguise and it is not an easy job no matter how much you are paid. I would not be "dropping in" on them - that is a sign of not trusting, however you can call and see how things are going if you're concerned. There has to be an element of trust between you all - the bottom line is this: If Mom is comfortable with them and they respect her wishes at all times and are kind and compassionate, I would not rock the boat. As I said in the beginning: good caregivers are hard to find and I would tread lightly if you have good ones, but speak to them directly first if you or Mom are concerned and this becomes an issue. Caregiving is not for sissies.

I generally stay awake,unless is an overnite.Even then tho,I try to stay awake,but you can generally tell the expectation of the client by the couch and the bedding that might or might NOT be laid out.Dont go to the bosses first.They have no idea what its like to do the work,usually.If you trust your caregiver,then trust them all the way.I wouldnt be too happy w/someone who makes it a habit,and especially during the day.Talk to THEM about it! Good topic!

I don't know of anyone that works 8 hours, though that doesn't get a lunch break and 2 15 min. breaks. Even nurses get breaks.

I am not hard to wake up, so that is where I am coming from. If a caregiver is asleep for hours, that is a different story. I take care of my granddaughter. I sleep when she does.