Family needs direction. Any advice?
I am a paid caregiver for a family who’s wife/mother is declining with Alzheimer’s Disease.
She also is in denial that she has Alzheimer’s.
She believes that she can adequately make all her dental and doctors appointments but in the last month has shown that she is losing this ability.
She is by nature a very stubborn woman and refuses to do anything with me the caregiver but walk. I have taken her to a few museums, but every other activity I have tried to suggest she feels is “boring”.
So we have a few things going on.
1). Denial of Alzheimer’s
2) Inability to handle making health and dental appointments anymore
3). Trying to incorporate more things for her to do besides walking.
Her husband has tried to communicate with her regarding the wrong dates and times appointments. But she just gets mad and walks away.
They have researched Assisted Living and feel she would not fit in right now.
The daughters say “Let it go”, which is very easy for them to say since they are not dealing with their mothers Alzheimer’s 24/7.
I am just reaching out to give the family some tools, techniques to move forward.
6 Answers
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I am wondering if she is saying it is "boring" as her way to deflect and protect herself from potential embarrassment for fear that she may not know how to do XYZ.
Maybe try getting her to do something else by saying .. "Barb, my leg hurts today let's skip the walk and do this" pick an activity that you think she can do.
It could be finger painting, painting on a canvas, making cookies or bread, cutting veggies for stew for dinner.
Your other post indicates that she does venture out on her own.
Her husband should put a stop to this. There needs to be a way to track her if she does leave without someone with her.
You also mention that she has begun shopping a lot. Her credit card needs to be suspended, frozen or cancelled. Her husband needs to be more in tune to her spending.
He needs to begin making appointments for her. And he needs to instruct the doctors office that she can no longer make appointments.
Give him the 800 number to the Alzheimer's Association for more information and help when he needs it
1-800-272-3900
He should also find a good Support Group.
Looking for an Adult Day Program for her would be a good idea.,
Some different activities, often they have trips and outings, most will pick up in the morning and return the participant in the afternoon. Generally a Lunch and snack are provided.
As my Mom's dementia got worse, she loved doing repetitive tasks. She loved folding clothes, She really loved folding cloth napkins. Maybe your client can fold all the laundry.
My Mom was afraid to walk, because she was afraid she would fall. We did lots of exercises like passing a ball from one person to the other. I made her walk to the car, then we would go shopping via wheelchair. When we got to something she would like to get a closer look, I got her out of the wheelchair, made her use her walker, then followed her with the wheelchair, wherever she went. We didn't spend any money, but we looked at stuff in the stores. I know where the elevators are for most large stores now.
I still take my Mom out. I sometimes park in spots that I know will challenge her mobility, like curbs, or parking on uneven surfaces. This is actually good for her as it requires her body to automatically adjust so that she can stay balanced.
My Mom liked to watch older movies. After she could not keep track of what was being said, we used closed caption (or subtitles). It worked....but it had to be movies that she had seen earlier in her life, because she could not follow or remember enough to understand the plotline. In the beginning, anything with the writing at the bottom worked. However, as the dementia progressed, the speed of the written word was too fast for her to follow.
I've heard of people going through picture books,
Some people like singing or listening to music. Once my Mom got hearing aids, music was difficult for her to hear. I notice that at my Mom's MC, they will put religious songs on with the words on the screen, and she and the others will join in.
I truly found it very difficult to keep my Mom occupied. Senior day care helped for 10 hours of the day, Monday thru Friday, as there was enough activity that she could watch what others were doing.
Tough times.
Hubby should just take over making her appointments. He shouldn't say "I'll do it cuz you screwed it up last time" but something more in the realm of here I'll do that for you honey,
There is no point in correcting them. They will get the same response of the person getting mad and walking away.
Hubby just needs to quietly and calmly take care of what needs to be taken care of. He needs to accept her deficits and do his best with what it is.
Glad to see that he already has help which is so important. Does he get out and do things while you are there? He should!
Sending encouragement and hugs your way. I hope everything works out and this situation will become less stressful for you.
"It's boring"
Two phrases that can be used to cover up being unable to manage or unable to engage.
Agree to looking at Teepa's fantastic work. Also other resources on this site & others on Alzheimer's & Dementia. There is much free info & study options out there - for whatever your level of interest, from what's happening in the brain cells to care stragegies.
Rather than *denial* I prefer the term *lack of insight*.
As with TBI & Stroke, Dementia is damage/injury to the brain. If the brain has some damage, it doesn't always know it does. So don't expect reasoning & logic to work well.
Regarding the appointments or similar, move gently from the lady doing these things solo, to you doing WITH her.
Gaining trust & doing tasks along side will help her to feel in control & useful. It may take longer, but that's ok.
Avoid just taking over tasks until you have to.
I remember when my mother was in the medium dementia stage. She would pace and pace, and call any suggested activity, “boring”.
Actually, what was going on was that she couldn’t comprehend print any longer. She couldn’t comprehend tv, and hated listening to music. I bet it all just came across as static to her.
Best wishes to you.