He wants me to stay away now and I'm very hurt and concerned. PLEASE HELP! what can I do-Dad (80) let very young gold digger move in with him after 10 dates. Slight Alcohol related dimentia. Moved down to FL to be near dad (now 80) that needed help (alcoholic) cleaned his house, got him straightened out-took. 6 yrs. 2 visits a day. He just took on a girlfriend that looks 25 (a massuse) move in with him after about 10 dates. He is keeping me away from him and does not want me to spend any time with either of them. He has no use for me NOW. I met her when I was allowed to say "hello" at his door and she was not all made up and ready to spend time with me. I am not apparently welcome anymore and and very hurt and concerned. -- p.s. he is very stubborn by the way. . What should I do? ---he is talking about setting up a massage parlor for her and buying 1/2 her stake in some mobile home. Marriage is in the works and I am devastated after 3 failed marriages for him and 3 badly failed live ins.
Other siblings wish him well with this circumstnce, are far away and could not care if he died. More $$ for them..
I stopped a caregiver suicide on Twitter once. Spent hours watching the notes get more and more "serious" and the caregiver (a guy) obviously more and more drunk. I searched his twits from past and figured where he was located, figured his business, found his from biz website... and called the cops, who went right over. And he was indeed in the mood and drunk enough to do it. mostly he put his Alz mother at risk. Needless to say, he didn't twit after that. oh well. (The cops called me and gave brief report on what happened.)
exploitation by second parties
For more information on abuse, neglect and/or exploitation, contact the Florida Abuse Hotline at 1-800-962-2873
If this wonan is involved with illegal activity, adult protective services will not be able to enforce the law.
If her background is clean & innocent, then APS may help.
If she has a history of prostitution, your father will be devasted.
You will feel worse.
Please, trust your instincts. God gave us intuition for a reason.
Don't be afraid to step back from the situation. He is an adult.
So are you.
You can do just so much before your heart explodes.
Please, don't let that happen ......
I hpoe YOU are doing alright, gmbyacht
Yes, Ics, I wish I didn't believe its happening. I wonder how many names she uses ...
Sorry to be cynical. Past cop experience. It's a civil matter until something horribe occurrs.
I feel sympathy for you!
How old is her damaged son? If he's been shot I imagine he has enemies. Are you still living in the same complex?
Hope you are safe.
Rip
Hey Rip and others, Many Thanks for keeping in touch.
The G.D. at one time used her most recent maiden name. This was from the 2nd husband who sold his business, bought them a house - up the road - then he suddendly died of a drug overdose? -8 yrs. ago. -He was only 50.
The troubled son is from the 1st husband is 21 yrs. old and living mostly in her house (to be kept in only her name). -that her 2nd deceased husband bought. I must point out that she looks 25 (in a dark hall)- but is not-she is about 50 - come to find out. . Ref- son of G.D. -This is the 2nd shooting aimed at the boy that I know of, since the affair started a few weeks ago. The Kid got off the 1st time and my Dad bailed him out of jail. Yes, I live in the same complex - as I own a condo unit here and cannot afford to sell. It is hard not hearing from him every day/week and I cannot even call him. She gets annoyed and he is to preoccupied. I have a bad feeling about this ending. I will keep in touch.
What if you went to your dad and the GD and said something to the effect that at first you found it hard to accept that your dad had found a new love (which to me would be a totally normal reaction of a daughter when her father is in his 80's) but now that you see he is serious about it, you are trying to be more open to the idea and you would like to be friends with your dad again and with the GD. By remaining your dad's friend, he might become less defensive with you and more open to telling you how things are going and what is happening. In this way, you might have more influence on your dad and his actions than you do now.
Just a thought. lcs
Sounds good on paper. He is proud/dellusional of the way things are going and it just get's me sicker every time I hear things. He is very defiant , still drinking, stubborn and horney. He worships the ground she walks on and she can do no wrong. Without viagra, he may be able to see past his ------. I do know some of the other things stupid he is doing, (taking your advice/tried) when he can be bothered to talk to me, (never in her presence) but that does not change what he is going to do and doing. The GD has just quit her job and living off Dad's $$. I am not in a position to quit mine and wait for the once a week phone call when she is not around and he is bored. I am afraid to call him back-he could be with her and taking calls (esp. fr. me) are prohibited. He will have to fall on his face again. I am tired of picking up the pieces and no one else in the family cares. Thanks for your suggestion and keeping me in mind. I think it is time I moved on with my life.
Blessings, gmbyacht
When thinking about your problem, the thought popped into my head "Where are the friends of this old man?" Does he not have peers that must be worried sick about what he is doing? Or has the GD prohibited your father from talking to his old friends too?
It must be driving you near crazy to realize that you, gmbyacht, are the only one who appears to have your dad's best interest at heart. He is a lucky man to have you - too bad he doesn't realize it.
Thanks for writing. Dad has no friends. As I live in the same condo (6 yrs.) as he does , a couple of close neighbors jaws dropped when I told them HE was engaged. I did not really have to say anthing - they said it a "gold digger.?" He was disappointed only a few people from the buidling showed up at his Anniv. Party in our social room. They congratulated him, but their eyes rolled behind his back. I must note, she did just sign a pre-nup, but I don't know what's in it. I honestly don't think she will actually marry him?, I just think she'll milk him dry for a few years. I believe that is what she did to the 87 yr. old that she actually had a marriage license with and never went through with it.-that was 18 months ago. If she does not marry him, the carnage may not be as bad financially. He'll just be broke and the kids & grandkids won't be getting anything. It's always been about his wants and needs anyway. Thanks for keeping in touch.
I am so sorry! That doesn't even touch the matter you are dealing with!
What are you going to do???
Do you have an escape plan?
You can't be around that ... Head to Seattle?
You're so right when you say "period".
Thanks for keeping up with you.
We care
Rip
He's the one that need's the escape plan. I have too much invested in my home/life here now in the same building/city to just pick up and split. I must emotionally divorce myself from his shennigans and physically obviously-they have made this clear. I must go on with my life! This is easier said than done as the mess (as I see it) gets deeper by the week. But I must for my own sanity.
Forgot to mention the Gold digger recently quit her job, threw her paying roomate out of HER house and is trying to get her 24 yr. old drug addict son out of HER house. .She is isolating my father. She has access to drugs and with his drinking issues, someday it might be bye, bye. He says he is going to die soon anyway - so I think, his thinking is, why not go out with a "bang". If she had a 10 page rap sheet, his attitude is "No Big Deal". He may end up at the bottom of it someday.
Yeah, I think I get it.
Just feel so damn helpless for you. You are in the same building? Slap in the face anytime you speak with them?
If he could only he had adopted a safe puppy to keep him company.
Sorry, really sick humor - but your situation is in crisis.
She sounds like a blood sucker with no regard for your father's family, you, or anyone else.
I kwonder if she has another man controling her behind the scene.
It's hard to feel sorry for him since he has this pattern. He is so lucky you care - but it isn't helping your health.
At this point you need to look after yourself & the people close to you.
He won't. He has his floozie girl.
How many times have you dragged him out of a bad situation? Leveled him? Stood by him?
I don't know if any services in the world would help him to see beyond his new princess.
I'll be thinking of you... Maybe you should take a trip to St Augustine & visit Bobbie's Boat.
I wish I could have a day with that lady! She sets things in perspective.
Cheers ~
Rip
Blessings to all. And thank you again.