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My mom has recently qualified for hospice. She has vascular dementia and COPD. I notice often she seems to be staring up--when nothing is there. Is this a sign of end of life symptoms?
Nurse Magdalena's comment, "I have also been so distressed on occasion from what I call unnecessarily violent passings of people on whom resuscitation should never have been attempted," reassures me that, at age 84, I always bring my DNR order with me when I'm hospitalized.
Just because we don't see anything Does not mean they don't. My Mother once told me that She saw herself up in the corner above her bed, looking down at her body laying in the bed.
I have had several family members die and see people or things prior to their deaths. When my brother was in hospice the nurse explained some people see loved ones or other things near the end and how we should acknowledge what they have seen because it is real to them even though we don't see it or them. It did give them comfort. My brother saw candles all around him. He asked us about them and we told him it was Christmas ( which it was) and we always have candles. There were none in his room. Through my faith, I believe We return home to God. I think the visions and visitor are leading the way home.
From what I've read about end-of-life, many times people tend to see things on the other side. Sometimes these are mistaken for hallucinations. However, there is a spirit realm from what I've read about end-of-life, many times people tend to see things on the other side. Sometimes these are mistaken for hallucinations. However, there is a spirit realm that even people who have had NDEs can testify of during their own experiences. I for one have actually visited heaven, so I can honestly say that there is an afterlife. People who are near death often see things we can't, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's not real because Heaven is for real and so is hell
I too believe our LO's see LO's on the other side...I think they are there to help guide them and comfort them on their journey home. It gives me great comfort knowing Mama is home now and knowing one day I will see her again...
Hi. Yes, my friend didn't have dementia but was in Hospice dying of cancer. She had her eyes closed most of the day, but right at the end she opened her eyes and looked off in the distance and said " Oh! It's beautiful ! Do you see it? It's awesome". We believe she was glimpsing heaven, which no one else there could see. Good for her !
My husband passed away recently, and I frequently remember how he looked the last few hours. His eye were very wide, and he stared at the ceiling. His mouth was open half-way, as breathing had become very difficult. As he breathed, a strange noise repeatedly came from his opened mouth. The noise sounded like some mechanical machine with my husband gently blowing air out of his mouth in a steady pattern. What is the name of the breathing activity? During that time, was my husband conscious or in somewhat of a coma? Could he hear what was being said to him or had he reached a "brain-dead" point? Thank you for providing some insight into my husband's passing, I was too shocked and numb to remember a lot of what happened right before his final time of breathing out.
Sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds to me like your husband was probably just taking his last breath. Each person's experience will definitely be different. I'm sorry you were traumatized at this particular time. Watching a person pass before your eyes must be hard, and it's definitely not for the faint of heart. Dealing with death can take its toll on you and for some people it really doesn't take much. I hope you're able to cope OK and get through this. Losing loved ones is never easy. A friend of mine lost her special needs daughter a while back, And I was actually amazed at how well her family seemed to handle the loss. Not everyone can handle loss that well
Sdnbishop, I am sorry for your loss. My dear 93 yr old Mom passed a few weeks ago in a similar way, but there was not much noise from her breathing. Her eyes were half open and opened wider right before she died. The hospice team told me that this is very common right before a person passes, and I believe it is as though they see something incredible ahead. The hospice people told me that she was not in any distress and there is no pain when someone passes this way. I have seen this with my Dad years ago and believe the person is gradually transitioned and there is no pain but much wonder at the beauty that lies beyond. I do believe that my parents are together again and safe in Heaven now, and though I miss them much it is my duty to move forward and do the best I can while I am still here as they would want that and I would want that for my loved ones if I passed over.
my mother clamored for her brother johnny as she was dying . johnny has been worm food for 20 yrs now . i believe her brain was losing voltage ( yes , its an electrical over chemical machine ) and her last thoughts were deep seated from nearly 70 yrs prior . the only thing my mother is on the other side of is st rd 252 . her house was on the south side , her grave is on the north side .
OMG, I am (finally) bawling my eyes out reading these posts. My mom would stare at the ceiling too, her pupils were tiny..that bothered me a bit. The tiny pupils with her sky blue eyes. Mom died on 12/17/15 and she wanted to make it until Xmas but that was not to be. One day, towards the end, but before any severe hospice drugs, she said to me, "Did you see? Your father was just here". I asked her if he was coming back and she said she didnt know. Then she told me a story about going on a picnic. She said it was such a beautiful day. The Sun was shining, the birds were singing and we took a walk through the woods, we went on a picnic. I asked her what did you bring with you, fried chicken? And she said no... HOT DOGS (as if it was a silly question). I said did you build a fire?She said of course! Oh, it was such a lovely day, she said. My good sister from NY was told dad was there once too. I KNOW that he came to get her. He died in Jan 2008. I really havent had time to grieve, crying my eyes out right now. I miss my mom, yet I am glad that she passed in peace and is with dad.
Captain, do you think you could show a little more sensitivity than to refer to your uncle as worm food? There are many here who are in the grieving process and that does not help! We are all quite aware of what happens to the physical body after death, even if we don't agree on the state of the soul.
dejavuagain, thank you for your comment to captain.....my thoughts exactly. There is no need to be crude with our comments here. This is a site for help, compassion, understanding and a place to air our grief and frustrations. No one needs to be insulting or rude.
Everyone may not agree with this but a year after my mom died i went to a group reading with a medium. While my mom was in her last few days I kept telling her that she would get to see her parents and sisters again soon. She was very close to her sisters. The medium said to me, yes your moms sister were there to meet her. I didn't ask any questions but had always wondered about this, mom was not verbal when she passed so I didn't have the opportunity to have any conversations with her. We would pray the our father and Hail Mary, but other then that, she said nothing. It gave me great comfort to know that my aunts were there to take my mom to meet our Lord. Btw, this medium was catholic and a very religious person. I truly believe that our loved ones are helped across by their loved ones who have passed before them. It was a very enlightening experience.
Over the year or so after my sweet daddy died, I had this dream that he was running up a hill of some kind, ha da full head of hair (I had always known his bald head :) and he was SO HAPPY! He was wearing some kind of white robe or something and when he "spoke" to me he was just so full of joy and light. This was comforting to me, esp as his last years were physically so restrictive--come to find out my KIDS were having this exact dream. One by one they shared with me. My youngest daughter (who is an atheist) was the only one who was "bothered" by this dream.
I didn't chose to "make up" this dream. I sure didn't make my 5 kids "have it". We just think of it as a sweet reminder that we'll all be together again someday.
And yes, he stared at one spot on the wall for a couple of weeks before he died. Talked to people. In retrospect, we should have left him alone with those people, they were more real to him than we were.
Midlife, I was told that thru dreams are loved ones do come back to us. You are so fortunate to know that your dad is at peace and with you all the time. You have a special angel looking over you and your family 😇
well, What is it when my mum, who the doctors say has "early dementia" (whatever that means) has begun to stare out of the window at the back yard daily when nothing much is going on except the grass growing?? Her neurologist recently prescribed for her short term memory loss. Mum is ninety-one, by-the-way. Any insight cheerfully appreciated.
GuvnaBee: She is staring out the window because her mind is now drastically altered from dementia. Possibly you can get her involved in an activity that she can handle. How about those new coloring books for some adults?
or is she already checking out, in that sense and wouldn't be interested in anything to try to draw her back here; that's something that was brought up at a caregiving class I took
When people pass away our perception of what is happening is framed by our views of life. While sitting with people have are passing I have found that some deaths are frightening, painful (both physical and emotional), quiet, beautiful and passive. Every death is personally viewed and experienced by family and/or friends. I am not trying to say a person does not look up at the time of death. I believe that all of us will have this question answered at the time of our own passing.
Many people have tried to explain what occurs at the moment of death. So many different segments of the persons' life contribute to this moment. What I can say is I have known people and children who do look up at the time of their death. Not all people do this, however.
What I do believe is that at the time of death for any person there are many factors at work. When a person has a belief suggesting a higher power is playing a role at this moment, there is frequently a time as they are passing they may look up. Are their angels waiting to escort them to the feet of their maker? Well for this I am not sure. However, if one believes, we will see the signal of that belief as the passing is happening. There are times when I have known people had a very personal relationship with a higher being and not had the occurrence of looking up. We need to give some thought to if the death is sudden can people have the time and ability to look up.
What does happen when a person looks up can be explained as a reflex of the eyelids and the eyes themselves. What I see more often than anything is a calm and peaceful presence about the person passing. When studying the topic of Death and Dying, we purposefully elect to talk about the physical attributes of dying. I can tell you that there are as many as beliefs as there are people. I have sat with people dying who have their eyes closed and never open them again as the pass on. I have found that as a person is dying they frequently find a place in their heart that is comfortable and warm for them as they pass.
I have studied and worked with people who are dying. I can only tell you that the most important earthly item necessary during this time is having the ability to bring closure to the relationship within a person's life. Many tools can be used to help this happen; however the most affirming is the ability to come to a place that affords the dying to sweep the chart clean, so to speak. If you are given the opportunity to help a person achieve this kind of solidarity within their life, honor it, hold it tightly and help this person achieve the best possible death.
my dad had a grandson who just would not let him go, so my dad kept trying to hang on; I was too close to the situation; there would have been repercussions had I attempted to allow him to let it go, but an "inlaw" of the family and, yes, had it been realized that a mere "inlaw" had taken it upon themselves (though, yes, they did ask me beforehand and I gave permission, but that was never considered) to do that, there would have been as well, and especially if they ever realized I gave permission, but there wouldn't have been as much with them and possibly not as much with me as if I'd actually done it myself, but anyway, she went to him and told him he'd be okay; we'd help (though wasn't much offered, except to be there if he reached out to them, which he wanted more, but they wanted it that way, but I guess that's a whole other issue as well) and he must have accepted that, or at least was enough since he just really didn't feel (I feel) he could hold on much longer and I think realized he certainly really wouldn't be able to hang on long enough to hear it from grandson himself because as long as he did he'd never consent for him to be gone; he had to reach a place of just trusting/committing/whatever term you want to use. I wish I could have done more, still not sure just how or why this grandson's attitude is what it is, though I have an idea and I hate it both for him and for dad, but sometimes that's just the way it is
I work in the hospital, and many people will seem to stare into space at the end. I think they are really looking inward, or maybe they have a glimpse of heaven, because they will talk to people that are already gone. For the most part, they are comfortable and calm. The main thing you might do is get some saline eye drops, one brand is Refresh, and put one in each eye a couple of times a day. A lot of times, when the patient is staring into space, they are not blinking, and if their eyes dry out, that can cause pain. So to prevent pain, you can drip a drop twice a day. Many times they will blink then, and that will ease their dry eyes.
Arianne, I wish so much my mom would have had one; I wonder if she knew what she was going through when I had her attempted to be resuscitated; now, having said that, I thought they had to unless they had a DNR, but I guess if you don't tell, no one would ever know but the nurse didn't want to have it done and I personally for myself wouldn't have but 1) nobody was expecting this and my dad was just leaving to go home, since I'd gotten there and this is rather strange and disconcerting, last thing I remember was he had gone into her restroom when this happened - though he possibly had already left the room or, knowing him by that point, it's possibly he hadn't but came out of the restroom and left the room without realizing, though thinking if the crash team wasn't already there that the nurse would have said something to him; I'm pretty sure I didn't go get him, at least not until they did get there, which, if nobody else did, not sure why he would have even still been there, since he was going home but the next thing I remember - and I'm thinking she made me leave either when or before the team got there; they don't want you seeing how violent it actually is - I was sitting out in the lobby with my dad when the doctor finally got there telling him mom was gone and he just could not comprehend it until they did have us go in and see her; it was horrible so now as to why I did it because don't really think I was thinking of dad at the time but maybe good thing I did for his sake though not sure would have made any difference as long as he saw her for himself, but their grandson had just left and actually at that point she was even still - somewhat, long story there - sitting up in a chair, with him thinking everything was pretty much fine; she'd just gotten back from a walk with the physical therapist, but he left pretty much as soon as, so before therapist started noticing she wasn't responding right and before she got her back in bed because she basically was needing to be supported; she wasn't really being able to sit up in the chair unassisted, so...he missed all that, but he was coming right back, had only left to take his daughter home, so if he'd come back and found things totally different, as in her being gone and found out I had just let it happen without trying to do anything - as it was, he didn't really believe I had because he just couldn't believe things could have changed as drastically as they appeared to have - but none so blind as those who will not see - he would have been even more upset than he was and I at least felt I knew that maybe mom at least didn't feel what was going on even if she knew it, in that sense, because, to me, she was gone and they weren't going to get her back, but I could at least tell him I had tried, so...that's what was behind that - now why it had to happen with the timing it did - well, for one thing, like someone said not everyone can handle seeing someone die and I don't think either one of them could so I think I got chosen...
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I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
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Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Does not mean they don't.
My Mother once told me that
She saw herself up in the corner above her bed, looking down at her body laying in the bed.
Sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds to me like your husband was probably just taking his last breath. Each person's experience will definitely be different. I'm sorry you were traumatized at this particular time. Watching a person pass before your eyes must be hard, and it's definitely not for the faint of heart. Dealing with death can take its toll on you and for some people it really doesn't take much. I hope you're able to cope OK and get through this. Losing loved ones is never easy. A friend of mine lost her special needs daughter a while back, And I was actually amazed at how well her family seemed to handle the loss. Not everyone can handle loss that well
The hospice people told me that she was not in any distress and there is no pain when someone passes this way. I have seen this with my Dad years ago and believe the person is gradually transitioned and there is no pain but much wonder at the beauty that lies beyond. I do believe that my parents are together again and safe in Heaven now, and though I miss them much it is my duty to move forward and do the best I can while I am still here as they would want that and I would want that for my loved ones if I passed over.
I didn't chose to "make up" this dream. I sure didn't make my 5 kids "have it". We just think of it as a sweet reminder that we'll all be together again someday.
And yes, he stared at one spot on the wall for a couple of weeks before he died. Talked to people. In retrospect, we should have left him alone with those people, they were more real to him than we were.
Many people have tried to explain what occurs at the moment of death. So many different segments of the persons' life contribute to this moment. What I can say is I have known people and children who do look up at the time of their death. Not all people do this, however.
What I do believe is that at the time of death for any person there are many factors at work. When a person has a belief suggesting a higher power is playing a role at this moment, there is frequently a time as they are passing they may look up. Are their angels waiting to escort them to the feet of their maker? Well for this I am not sure. However, if one believes, we will see the signal of that belief as the passing is happening. There are times when I have known people had a very personal relationship with a higher being and not had the occurrence of looking up. We need to give some thought to if the death is sudden can people have the time and ability to look up.
What does happen when a person looks up can be explained as a reflex of the eyelids and the eyes themselves. What I see more often than anything is a calm and peaceful presence about the person passing. When studying the topic of Death and Dying, we purposefully elect to talk about the physical attributes of dying. I can tell you that there are as many as beliefs as there are people. I have sat with people dying who have their eyes closed and never open them again as the pass on. I have found that as a person is dying they frequently find a place in their heart that is comfortable and warm for them as they pass.
I have studied and worked with people who are dying. I can only tell you that the most important earthly item necessary during this time is having the ability to bring closure to the relationship within a person's life. Many tools can be used to help this happen; however the most affirming is the ability to come to a place that affords the dying to sweep the chart clean, so to speak. If you are given the opportunity to help a person achieve this kind of solidarity within their life, honor it, hold it tightly and help this person achieve the best possible death.