I'm full time caregiver to my 90 year old Mom with advanced dementia. I always feel the need to entertain her when she's up. I play her favorite music, look at old photos with her, in addition to bathing, diaper changing, feeding, etc. Yesterday I was very tired and we just sat quietly. She dozed on and off, repeated phrases and grasped for things in the air. I felt guilty that I didn't entertain her - is this daft?
Do you have children? When they were 4. 5 years old did you sit with them every moment and entertain them? I am guessing not. You went about and did daily chores. do the same here.
Give mom socks to pair, towels to fold.
Can mom stand for any length of time? If so maybe she can wash dishes. A few cups and saucers in the sink.
Or just turn on the music, any kind not just her favorites (unless you enjoy it as well) and let her look at the photos, doze off.
Increased sleeping is part of the decline with dementia.
Also if it is possible get her out for a walk or just out for some sun a bit each day even if it is just sitting on a porch, deck, patio...Sunshine, birds singing it is good for Body, Mind and Spirit.
Several years ago I purchased about a dozen dvds of classic musicals for my aunt with advanced dementia. She didn't want to watch them then but now she watches one every night and sits quietly. She likes reading the captions even though she's not hard of hearing. The stories are happy and upbeat and don't have anything scary in them. It keeps her occupied for 1-1/2 hrs every evening. You need to give yourself blocks of time to have your own life. I'm sure your mom would want that for you :-) Blessings!
Be careful not to burn out!
You are doing all you can. Most primary caregivers are stretched to their limits. It is important to care for your needs as well. Call Council on Aging for an assessment to see if you can get some outside help.
I read that your Golden Boy brother bailed on your parents, so you were left to do 24/7/365 caregiving? And that you weren't treated right growing up by your mentally ill mother?
What was the caregiving situation before your brother became estranged? Did your mother live with him? Did he help?
How many years has your mother been living with you?
What is her financial situation? Can she afford a facility? Is she Medicaid-eligible? Are you getting any kind of compensation from her?
If she has assets, I certainly hope she hasn't left it all for the Golden Boy, and that you are doing caregiving so that money/assets will be left only to him?