Mom has dementia which is getting worse. She has CHF and her legs and ankles are swollen and weepy. The cardiologist keeps increasing her diuretics and changed to a more potent one. He says if this doesn't help she needs to go to the hospital for IV diuretics. The last hospital visit almost killed her. She had to be restrained and had no concept of where she was. She was terrified. She is 90 and living in AL. We actually had to move her to AL becauce she declined so much after last hospital visit. Prior to that she was in an apartment with daily help and was relatively happy there. The doctor said if I refused to take her for the IV diuretics the only other option is hospice. Mom is miserable and wants to die. She says so constantly. I don't know what to do. Do I put her in the hospital where I know she will be terrified and decline even more to alleviate the swollen legs, only to extend a life she is miserable in? I dont know how to make these life and death decisions. Has anyone else struggled with this decision? I swore I would never take her to a hospital again. Please help.
I have been in the same situation. Having an IV as you know is no big deal and the diuretics work very well by that route. They will also put in a catheter so not problem with bedpans or getting out of bed frequently. She will get alot of relief from removing the fluids but once she is discharged it will probably return.
The last hospital admission was a disaster so why repeat it? the tretment will only temporally relieve the symptoms so why do it.
Mom has stated that she wants to die so why stand in her way. it is not going to improve her dementia or general health.
Comfort care would be my choice so let the experts at hospice take over and keep her comfortable for whatever time she has left. They will also provide a lot of support for you during this difficult time. It is the loving thing to do.
If you can, try to quiet your mind as you go to sleep and listen to your inner voice when you wake
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It seems pretty clear. The question you need to ask yourself is whether you are continuing for yourself or for her?
If I were you I would use hospice. I think your mother is telling you what she wants. Hospice was really great for both my father and MIL.