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Without an accurate diagnosis it is impossible to know what to do. Why is he afraid or unwilling to seek medical advice? If he is depressed he needs meds to help him out until he can figure it out. If he is overly anxious he needs meds until he can figure it out. Why do your parents at such a young age live with you? Or have you always lived in a multi generational home? Maybe depressed Mom would benefit from some antidepressents. Or family counseling all around. I know what it is like to deal with someone who is unreasonable. But just firmly and calmly telling them what has to happen can make a difference. Since they are unhappy to begin with a little more unhappy doesn't make a big difference. Do you have any brothers? Sometimes a man will listen to a man before he will listen to a woman.
Oh my goodness. And he won't listen to her either? It sounds as if you'd better call in a heavy mob from somewhere. You don't need his permission to ask his doctor to call, as long as you warn the doctor in advance that your father may refuse to speak to him. Or, as suggested, get hold of hospice people for advice. You can't do this on your own, and between your dad and your mother you've got too much as it is. Get help. xxx
Dolly, in January of this year I had a colonoscopy exam, and the doctor found a very large polyp and removed it. He made a mark where it had been so that section of the colon could later be removed if necessary. (I have a tattoo in my colon! :-) ) Later after the lab had examined the polyp the doctor called me to tell me that it was not cancer.
Did your dad's doctor remove the tumor or polyp during the examination? Did someone do tests and determine the growth in your dad's intestine was cancerous? Was a course of treatment recommended?
I think that you might be better able to discuss Dad's health with him if you had a clear picture of what the colonoscopy revealed, what was done, and what Dad's current status is. Could you talk to the clinic where the test was done?
Dolly, I take potassium pills and I'd rather not. For some reason I find them hard to swallow. But ... tell your Dad this. The potassium pills are not to make his life last longer. But they will help ensure that everything works as it should while he is alive. They are to help keep him from feeling bad, such as having muscle pain, irregular heart beat, and fatigue.
Sometimes people do not want any "heroic" measure to extend their lives. But taking something like potassium can help someone with low potassium feel better. It is not "heroic" or "extraordinary" -- it is just supplementing a natural substance the body needs to function well.
I think this is one of the small things sunflo2 mentions that can help give him best quality of life.
It should be his decision, but I hope you can explain it to him so he is making a well-informed decision.
Finally, I bring him to see a doctor. the doctor recommend him to go to ER. His heart beat irregularly. Later on they find out he is low in Potassium. I did not told the ER doctor that my dad has a polyps at the colon. They run the blood test and xray on his. they find nothing. My dad does not want to go to get more test. Now, I don't know he is cancer free or not. They discharged him home two days ago. But he does not want to take the Potassium pill. I don't know what to do with him.
Try to encourage dad to see a doctor and reassure him he has the right to weigh the advice and make choices as to next steps or care. Reassure him you will back his decision but don't want him to suffer or feel bad if there are small things that can be done to give him best quality of life.
Abide by his wishes and decisions. Good luck and wishing you better days ahead with dad.
If your father is of sound mind he certainly has the right to make the decision not to seek treatment for his colon cancer. It may in fact save him from more suffering from the treatment than letting the disease progress to it's natural end. It is very important that all his options are explained to him so he understands what treating the disease entails and the likely after effects and his prognosis. Hospice would be a good consultation to have. It does not commit you to anything but the RNs have cared for many patients with similar diseases and will explain truthfully the likely progression for him. They also have lots of little tricks up their sleeves to help him feel better. I know he's only 71 and you want to save him but hard as it is you have to support his decision. It is also possible that straightforward surgery could be a cure in itself. The MD who did the colonoscopy should have a very good idea of the prognosis. Blessings to you and your dad
At 71 your father is young to be reaching the giving-up stage. But given his brother's history, and assuming he's clear in his own mind, it's heart-breaking but all you can do is stand by his side and be ready to help if/when he asks.
Behind the scenes, I'd also suggest you research treatment options and background information on his type of cancer; and try to build up a good relationship with his doctors as his next-of-kin. Then, very cautiously, you can talk to him about how much has changed since his brother suffered from the same disease. If he's refusing further investigation and treatment because of terrible memories or fears, this might encourage him to give the medics a chance. But don't push it. It's his choice. Horrible for you, but I'm afraid it's up to him. Big hug. xxx
last year, the doctor found out he had at tumor at the colon based on the colonoscopy exam.he refuse to do anymore exam. so I have no idea what stage he was. he always think is the hemmoroids cause the bleeding.
Dolly can you tell us a bit more about your Dad. What is wrong with him and why does he not want to see the Dr? Is he too sick or tired to make the trip. If he has a terminal illness now would be the time to call in hospice. The RNs are the connection. They will come to the house examine the patient and report their findings to the Dr who will order any medications. The hospice also has a medical director who will make home visits if necessary. Dad certainly has the right to refuse to visit the Dr but unless you tell us more it is difficult to make suggestions.
I see in your profile that your dad has cancer. I am so sorry. What stage is the cancer in? What treatments has Dad had for it? How old is he?
Has your dad made a conscious decision not to have any further cancer treatments? Or has he just sort of drifted into not caring about himself? Competent adults should be able to make their own decisions about their care -- we should just be sure they understand their options.
Might your Dad be ready for hospice care? They would see to it that he has what it takes to feel good, while not pushing further cancer treatments.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Did your dad's doctor remove the tumor or polyp during the examination? Did someone do tests and determine the growth in your dad's intestine was cancerous? Was a course of treatment recommended?
I think that you might be better able to discuss Dad's health with him if you had a clear picture of what the colonoscopy revealed, what was done, and what Dad's current status is. Could you talk to the clinic where the test was done?
Sometimes people do not want any "heroic" measure to extend their lives. But taking something like potassium can help someone with low potassium feel better. It is not "heroic" or "extraordinary" -- it is just supplementing a natural substance the body needs to function well.
I think this is one of the small things sunflo2 mentions that can help give him best quality of life.
It should be his decision, but I hope you can explain it to him so he is making a well-informed decision.
Abide by his wishes and decisions. Good luck and wishing you better days ahead with dad.
It is very important that all his options are explained to him so he understands what treating the disease entails and the likely after effects and his prognosis. Hospice would be a good consultation to have. It does not commit you to anything but the RNs have cared for many patients with similar diseases and will explain truthfully the likely progression for him. They also have lots of little tricks up their sleeves to help him feel better. I know he's only 71 and you want to save him but hard as it is you have to support his decision.
It is also possible that straightforward surgery could be a cure in itself. The MD who did the colonoscopy should have a very good idea of the prognosis.
Blessings to you and your dad
Behind the scenes, I'd also suggest you research treatment options and background information on his type of cancer; and try to build up a good relationship with his doctors as his next-of-kin. Then, very cautiously, you can talk to him about how much has changed since his brother suffered from the same disease. If he's refusing further investigation and treatment because of terrible memories or fears, this might encourage him to give the medics a chance. But don't push it. It's his choice. Horrible for you, but I'm afraid it's up to him. Big hug. xxx
Has your dad made a conscious decision not to have any further cancer treatments? Or has he just sort of drifted into not caring about himself? Competent adults should be able to make their own decisions about their care -- we should just be sure they understand their options.
Might your Dad be ready for hospice care? They would see to it that he has what it takes to feel good, while not pushing further cancer treatments.