My 86 year old mother has lived with us for 8 years. Her only contribution to our family expenses is $100 a month for groceries. Her only income is Social Security. How do others handle this? I feel like there needs to be more funds from my mom. It is a little uncomfortable to bring it up, though.
where would she go just paying 400.00 a month ANYWHERE???
I say charge her. Or have her live someplace else.
If there are 4 of you in the house (including mom) divide gas, electric, mortgage, insurance, garbage, cable, food by 1/4 and she pays her 1/4 of all expenses.
Keep records,
If at anytime you need to apply for Medicaid these would be expenses that would be acceptable as it is for her care.
If you are physically caring for her you could also charge her for your time caregiving. I would write out a Caregiver contract though and indicate what you do and how many hours of caregiving you do. Set a rate that is equal to what caregivers in your area get. (this would be income for you so you would have to declare it as such)
How and when did you come up with the $100 a month for groceries? If it was quite some time ago and it's just never been revisited because it never came up, you may be pleasantly surprised and your mother may be perfectly content to discuss an update.
But the first thing must be to add up. You can go for the percentage figure Grandma54 suggested, lots of people do; but if you don't like that idea another possibility is to figure out what amount (roughly) your mother adds to your household budget - how much extra does she cost for electricity, water, phone, food, wear and tear, what have you?
What's pretty certain is that living with you is going to cost her less than living by herself anywhere else. And nobody ever promised that once you're over 75 everything is free! So don't feel bad. It is actually more disrespectful to treat your mother as though she's some kind of helpless wet behind the ears infant who's never heard of the cost of living than it is to ask her to discuss household budgets.
She would be paying her share of costs. She pays whatever dollar amount monthly and it is allocated towards her share of living expenses. If your utilities are 600.00 monthly and 3 of you live there then she pays 200.00, groceries are split the same way, unless she has specific dietary needs and then she pays 100% of that expense. It is okay for her to pay you for her room, you would calculate what her square footage is, divide that into your mortgage and add property taxes and insurances to that and that is what she pays as her share of cost.
If you drive her around, you can do it a couple of ways. She can pay mileage at the standard IRS rate or she can buy the gas or pay the insurance. Whatever works for all of you.
She will not be penalized if she needs care that ends her on Medicaid. They expect people to pay their way, it is the transfers of large sums of money right before someone files for Medicaid that causes problems, not the cost of living expenses.
Was her spouse a vet that served during war? If he was, she could qualify for assistance.
Call Council on Aging and express your concerns. They can lead you in the right direction to apply for help.
Best wishes to you.
To make it fair, consider how much your mother had to pay in medications and treatments, She should pay for her own supplies - toiletries, incontinence supplies, medications, dietary supplements in addition to an amount for moderately-priced meals (check frozen meal prices as a gauge). Consider adding transportation costs for her appointments and travel needs to financial burden. You will then get a true cost for her to live with you. Please do not take all her money, but allow her to have a little spending money so she can treat herself and buy small gifts for others.
When you have calculated the costs, opt for a family meeting instead of just a demand for more money. Show mom what her costs are for her own needs. If you are happy getting that amount of money, ask that she contributes that to her own care. If you need a little more coming from your mother, you can show her "roommate share" - but only do this if she can afford it. If she can't afford that amount, ask how she would like to contribute to "family needs."
When/if your mom ever needs to go into a nursing home, they will take all of her assets, so she is not "saving" for anything.
Have the conversation with your mom. Be prepared with real numbers from outside caregivers and facilities if she gives you push back. She may not have a clue what things cost. Everyone thinks because it's family that it ought to be free. If we were talking about letting a family member stay for a couple of weeks or even a month or two while recuperating from a surgery or waiting for an apartment to open up, staying for free is not a big deal..but 8 years! No way.