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Time off, away. With no interruptions. Not one single phone call or text.
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Want someone to come spend time with hubby and be interested in him. Engage him in conversation or some sort of activity. Not for me but rather for him. Even if we had a room full of people (which hasn’t happen in ten years) and hubby sitting in the middle of it all rarely would the focus be on him.



for me: foot rub.
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2022
Sweet post. I hear you.

Foot massages are fantastic!
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A trip to Japan?

No I'm just kidding but some money would be nice
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2022
Sushi! Yes, please 😊.
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Needhelpwithmom - I needed the chuckle about the Roomba!! :) Thank you for posting nit!
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2022
You’re welcome. My friend wasn’t laughing when it happened but he laughed afterwards.
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Time off without guilt would be the best gift, IMO. Especially without guilt from the person you are caring for - an acknowledgement that, while they cannot always control the amount of care they legitimately need, you also need relief from being constantly "on-duty." Nothing sucks the joy out of a brief respite like the person you are caring for going on about how they know they are such a burden. I get it that it's hard for people to accept that they need help, and absolutely, we try to not call attention to what we do out of respect for their feelings. At the same time, if Santa has any breaks in his sack, that would be good.
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2022
Yes, I always appreciated when I got time away and heard, “Have fun!”

No one needs a heavy dose of guilt. It can be hard to ignore certain comments from people who want to make others feel guilty.
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Well the gift I would really like is help in entertaining my parents.
Since that isn't going to happen I booked the pre Christmas getaway for my
family.
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2022
Good for you!
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As a caregiver for my 90 year old dad I appreciate the daily thank yous he gives me. It would be nice to get some appreciation from family members - a text, card, etc. Someone asking how I was doing and really wanting to know. Offers to spend the day with dad so I could go to a doctors appointment. That would be my dream gift. Thankfully my husband is a big help. He takes off from work when I need to see my doctors.
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2022
Your husband is a gem! Mine was too when I had doctor appointments.

Later on, mom qualified for a few hours of help through Council on Aging. Have you contacted them in your area?
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It’s good I never expected any appreciation from my parents for my efforts on their behalf because I never received a thank you thus far in the past five years that I have been doing this. I think they look at it as payment for my being born.

I do plan to give our two wonderful aides $100 each for the Holidays just from me. I also gave them each $50 for working Thanksgiving. I’m sure my parents will give something too but I want them to know I appreciate their kindness and generosity of spirit. I am so grateful to them for taking such good care of my parents.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2022
Good for you to be so kind to your caregivers.
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You know what I would have appreciated while I was caregiving at home?? Both mom and I being included.

It would have been wonderful if the family had been willing to travel to our home to spend the day and share a pot luck or some other simple meal, but it never happened. Even if we'd rolled mom to the corner of the room and she slept most of the day away it would have felt very meaningful to me.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2022
Absolutely! There comes a point in time where the only the only outings are doctor’s appointments or ER trips.

So, it’s not like they can hop in the car to visit others.

If hospice is ordered for them, they no longer go anywhere.

Yes! A break from cooking would always be welcome to many caregivers.
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I agree with those who said some time away, even it's a short time. My DD has gotten us a gift certificate to a Gettysburg BnB each year since folks moved in, and still does it now. Close enough in case of emergency but far enough away and a place we love. She would stay with the folks when we went, and now she watches the pupper and ferals while we go. and she was great with the parents and then just Mom so they felt like they got a gift too!
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2022
I felt like this so much when I had mom in my home.

A change of scenery can break the monotony and help to renew energy.
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Peace and Quiet
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bundleofjoy Nov 2022
yes please. i’ll order the same. and with a side of, tranquillity, kindness, truth, goodness, loyalty.

and a cup of coffee.
i’m not asking for much.
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I used to bake alot for Christmas. When Mom was in the AL I took in a tray of cookies. Fudge and white choc. dipped oyster crackers. When she was in the NH, I would bake and take things in. I used to do a tray of cookies for my boss, RN, and she used them at her Christmas dinner. One less thing she had to do.

When my brothers told me they appreciated what I did for Mom, it was a big thing. One's wife had thyroid cancer and the other lived 7 hrs away. Appreciation from the one ur caring for, too. People need to understand that no one is obligated, other than paid Caregivers, to care for them. It is really is a gift. My Mom, as long as she was able, always said thank you.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2022
That’s so sweet that your mom showed her gratitude to you.

Homemade goodies are the best!
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Christmas can bring forth many different memories.

The holiday means different things to different people or nothing at all.

For some it is a season of giving. Others find it too commercial and stressful and glad when it’s over.

I hope all caregivers will have at least one of their holiday wishes come true, if not during the holiday season then some time in the near future.
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Time off! I agree. No one has volunteered tho, so I bought myself ten lovely days of respite. Starts this weekend!
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2022
Good for you! Smart lady. Get rest, have fun and focus on your needs!
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What would I like? To not be asked a single question, for one whole week. Not one.
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bundleofjoy Nov 2022
haha me too.

let me guess, the question is always:
“can you do this for me?”

and without a please.
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I love vacuuming, sounds strange I know lol
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2022
My grandmother loved to wash dishes! LOL She found it relaxing. To each his own, right?
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You’re very correct about caregiving being most often a thankless job. When my mother was in NH care, taking fruit, doughnuts, or cookies was always appreciated by the staff. I wish I’d thought to do a gift basket for them like you describe, for them to be able to choose things from, so many worked hard for not a lot of money. I still remember some telling me that NH work was their “calling” or “life’s work” how grateful we should be for these people! For family caregivers, simply noticing and expressing gratitude is huge. Giving a day off is even better. Bringing groceries, taking the person out to an appointment or to get a haircut or anything else can be a gift. I also don’t have parents anymore, but I do have a complex adult son (brain injury, lots of complex health issues) and the worst by far is when people simply ignore his existence. Not knowing the right thing to say really doesn’t matter, just ask how things are, it’s appreciated just to know someone cares
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2022
I relate to everything you have said. Caregiving is so complex and some people get it and others don’t. You get it! Great response. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

My niece is an incredible person because she has been through a lot herself, both with her parents and having a child with special needs. Her circumstances have made her very aware of others.
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Needhelp,what a thoughtful gift from your niece.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2022
She is precious to me and always brings a smile to my face.
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We have a Shark robot vac. I love it. It does a good job but needs to be programmed by mapping the house. I also have an upright because I don’t think a robot suffices as an only vacuum.
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Time off.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2022
This was always my very favorite gift! Was very rare but certainly the most welcomed and needed gift.

Time off where you can truly escape and enjoy a different atmosphere is even better! Even if it’s only a weekend getaway.
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I'm not a caregiver anymore; both of my parents have passed, so that's that. But this year for the holidays, I'm giving homemade gift baskets to my loved ones. They're each themed; I have a Mexican/Southwestern basket, a Bath/Shower basket, an Italian basket, and a Bar/Drink basket that I'm putting together. Each basket is a gift in and of itself; the bar one is an antique copper washtub with a hand painted lid, the Italian basket is a Longaberger covered picnic basket, etc. It's fun and it's taken me months to hand pick each and every item I'm putting into these baskets. Then I'll wrap them in clear cellophane and tie them up with a huge checkerboard bow.

I know I would've loved receiving a gift basket like this myself, so I hope they're well received by my loved ones this year. Just wanted to do something different.

Caregiving is a VERY hard job, and my hat is off to everyone who's doing it for a loved one.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2022
Those gifts sound fabulous! Very thoughtful and fun.
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