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My mom has vascular dementia, still lives at home (with a caregiver) and turns 94 in August. I suggested getting a cake and asking her neighbor friends to stop by for a casual open house. Mom is delighted and excited about it. My question is, what suggestions do you have for keeping her from becoming exhausted by the increase in activity in her home that day? I limited it to 2 hours, my invitation was worded, “please stop by for a few moments…” and I plan to seat her away from the front door so that she doesn’t get confused by people walking back and forth in front of her. Any other ideas for keeping her comfortable? She is really looking forward to it. If this happens to be her last birthday, I want it to be fun for her.

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I’d put one chair close to M’s chair, so one person at a time is near her and at her eye level. It’s a way to get visitors to take turns in talking to her. Looking up at several people would be much more difficult for her..
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Thank you so much, everyone! Your comments have been very helpful and encouraging to me. I appreciate you all!
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Reply to tagyoureit
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My mother is in a very small care home. For her 99th we took in flowers and enough cake for everyone. We had her back to the doorway so people could come and go but she only saw a limited number at a time. She was cranky at first, until she took a bite of cake. (we’re a food driven bunch) She lasted almost an hour, then told us to leave so she could nap. We did.

Sounds like you have a conscientious plan.
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Reply to Anabanana
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You're pretty much handling the party exactly like you should. Keep it short and small so she doesn't get overwhelmed.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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This is a good opportunity for a Hug Party. Neighbors have done this for a terminally ill friend.

The traffic comes in one at a time from the front door, is escorted to the Guest of Honor, has two minutes (timed) to hug and chat. Then another escort takes the visitor to the back part of the house or porch or whatever, where refreshments are served and GUESTS can all visit with each other.

It doesn't tire the guest of honor, she remains seated or in bed. It can be called off at any time or she can go to lie down in the bedroom if it is just too much for her.

Personally I wouldn't want people hugging me if I were very elderly or sick with a depleted immune system, because I don't want to get Covid, RSV or any other plague that they might spread to me in my weakened state. (But maybe if terminally ill, a person wouldn't care. )
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tagyoureit Jul 11, 2024
Oh, what a great idea! “Metered visits!” (I’m not keen on hugs, either.) But keeping the traffic flow to a minimum is genius!
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This is just me, but I think birthday parties should be for kids only. Anybody over age 17 doesn't need a party or a cake.
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Geaton777 Jul 11, 2024
The OP didn't ask for opinions on whether or not to hold a party.
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Don't think about doing it the full day, maybe just the morning. If she is a sundowner or afternoon napper, then definitely don't do it in the afternoon or evening unless you know she can get some rest in.

Have people wear name tags with their relationship to her written on them. Coach them/remind them not to ask "Do you remember...?" type questions. Maybe consider an organized reception-style line so that multiple people don't all come at her at once.

I hope she enjoys her special day!
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Reply to Geaton777
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It sounds good to me.

What overwhelmed my Mom in Church was everyone coming up to her and hugging her. I had to stop taking her to Church. Ask that people just say "Hi, its Jo Ann". Not "Do you remember me" May not want the hugging or kissing unless she initiates it. One person at a time talking to her. Not everyone trying to have a conversation at once. Keep it simple.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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It's really nice you are doing that for her. I hope she has a lovely day.
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tagyoureit Jul 11, 2024
Thank you! You are very kind. ❤️
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I think what you've planned already sounds pretty good, as you want to keep the celebration short, and not overwhelming to your mom.
And I would just allow one person at a time to approach her so she doesn't get overwhelmed by that as well.
And perhaps with little breaks between each visitor.
And if and when your mom starts to show some agitation, please make sure that you're honoring that and take her to her bedroom to get away from it all.
Let your mom be your guide as to what she's enjoying and what she's not.
Hope it works out well for you all.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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