I spoke to my landlord today about the situation with my abusive mom, and he told me I can’t tell my dad I have an apartment because if I do he would take her to court and sue her for back pay of all of the years of child support she should not have gotten because I live on my own. If I do tell him, I’m also negatively affected in turn by it as well. The proper time he said to tell him was when I first moved in, but I took my moms advice stupidly and never told him I have my own place. My mom is abusive, and my dad is not, but he is the only one who can change this situation. The only option I have for this reason to keep myself sane is to appease my mom constantly, meaning agree with her opinions and pretty much live her life. I cannot live one of my own, that’s off the table, as I’ve tried setting boundaries and they do not work and grey rocking only works for a limited period of time before she becomes abusive again.
I called the police on her last week as she was trespassing, staying at my apartment with out my permission to do so, and they sided with her, not with me.
I have practically nobody. Very few friends, no other relatives really other than my father, and I’m financially bad off because of the fact I don’t have a steady, permanent job.
My mom traps me at my apartment and her home and prevents me from going anywhere, doing anything, or living a full life. Nowadays I just exist and don’t live because I see no other way to get out of this situation, especially with what my landlord told me. He said if I tell my dad, I could lose my apartment and end up homeless.
I really need advice as I’m reeling with anxiety and depression, with the thought there’s nothing I can do but hope my mom either dies an early death or something else can change that makes life better.
for reference, I’m 30, have lived on my own since 2015, my parents divorced in 2004, and I’m in the state of NJ.
Thank you for listening.
Ignore the landlord, get some genuine legal advice, and sort yourself out as well.
There is support for that and many groups where you might find the help you need. Try
https://coda.org/find-a-meeting/
If the apartment is in your name and you don't want your mother there, then she is trespassing unless she too legally lives there along with you. Or is she your POA/Conservator/Legal Guardian who administers your disability money to pay your rent and bills with it? In either case she would have a right to be there.
Your mother does not run the town or the police department like you've said in past posts. They don't do her bidding. Neither does the town. If you called the cops and they didn't make her leave, then she had a legal right to be there.
As for your landlord telling you not to tell your father about your apartment because he'd take your mother to court to sue her for back child support is incoherent nonsense that either you or your landlord are making up. Most likely it's you making it up.
Child support stops when the child turns 18. If you're 30 now and have been on your own since 2015, that means you were 23 when you started living on your own. No one collects child support for a 23 year-old man.
You need professional help. This is a forum and support group for caregivers and not what you need.
It has nothing to do with you.
Likewise, nothing to do with your landlord.
You have not said, but are you in a "supported living environment", as the reason you are under the control of others at age 30?
Never lie for anyone.
Get yourself some professional support other than the people who are lying to you, exploiting you, and do not have your best interests at heart.
The goal for people needing supported housing is that you will be able to thrive independently.
Pardon my answer if this does not apply to you, in your case. We had posters who were disabled, living at home, needing support and caregiving themselves, who also cared for their abusive mother. Remember the goal: To thrive independently. If your father is supporting you with a disability, he should be paying you directly, or into a special needs trust now that you are an adult. Your mother, being abusive, should not be your POA.
Last time they didnt post their age but a 30 year old who let's their mother put cameras up in their house has a lot of issues.
Dont fall down the rabbit hole with this poster.
And seriously the landlord told him if he tells his dad he will lose his apartment. Lol you can't make this nonsense up. Or can you?
Is this landlord one of her family friends. Why is he so involved in family biz