My siblings and I all agree that my elderly Mother is showing signs of dementia. We have been trying to get her into a Doctor to be diagnosed. Our Aunt who lives 9 hours away keeps trying to micro manage the situation. She feeds into my Mother's paranoia and has created an "Us vs. Them" situation. She also helped my Mother cancel the appointments that my Mothers Doctor made for her with a well-respected Neurology group. I don't know what to do! This Aunt is making this so much harder on my siblings and I. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I think if my Aunt weren't involved my Mother would have gone to see the Doctor without issue. In fact, she was all on-board until my Aunt got to her.
Your Mom's sister is probably in a panic thinking if her sister has dementia, then that means maybe she will get it, too, which is not always the case. My Mom was like that about her sister who had died in her 50's from cancer, my Mom obsessed over that even in her 90's, never thinking that none of her other sisters came down with that type of cancer.
If your mom still has capacity, then she can refuse to go to any doc she chooses not to see.
You, as a family, can also refuse to provide whatever is keeping her "independent". If she's endangering herself or others, you can call APS and report her as a vulnerable adult.
There are many folks on this site who are "waiting for a crisis", so that they can get their parent the help they need.
But to get your aunt on board, she's probably going to have to see the situation up close and personal.
Will aunt come for a visit?