We moved my MIL from Florida to Michigan in October in 2023. I know for a fact that she was losing weight and always telling us how bad the food was there. Well she is 96 and in a nursing home. She has lost 11 lbs since we moved her in. And not one person caught this. I was asking every nurse and cna. I seen the menus for the next day and she was able to circle the items that she wants. She would circle tomato soup for lunch and dinner along with hot tea. Also maybe a pudding. She would get a few spoonfuls and say she has to watch her girlish figure. She wants to be a model. She can’t eat anymore. There have been so many reasons…. She ordered a hot dog with no bun and took one bite and said it’s too cold. I reported this to the nurse of the days ( each day that we go up there). I always asked about her weight. And they would she is about the same. Finally I asked the exact question….. how much did she weigh when we moved her in …. 129 they said. What does she weigh now. …118 they said. I said now how is this ok? They said oh a red flag should have been up. I said I have asked everyone in here. No one seemed to care. So I demanded a meeting with her doctor. Whom I have not met or spoke with yet. I have an appointment tomorrow to meet with him.
Since researching this. I am learning that 78% of elderly with this disease dies without treatment and people even realizing.
Any input from others?
Thank you.
Most elders at 96 eat a few bites of food a day and that's it. By the time my mother reached 95, she'd gone from eating like a lumberjack to pushing food around on her plate.
Best of luck to you.
Elders, approaching end of life, lose their drive both to eat, and to drink in the final stages of life.
That will not be what takes your mother, however, as these same elders (witness Joan Didion) can live weighing 76 pounds for quite some time.
What will take your mother is the normal aging process, which she is well progressed in at 96. Her heart, lungs, kidneys, brain are now 96 years old. To be blunt, they are worn out.
How long do you want your mother to live in her nursing home?
To age 100?
To age 110?
Forever?
Let us assume (and I do not BELIEVE) that you are right about your diagnosis? What would you choose to do at this point. Put down a feeding tube? Force food that will cause diarrhea and further wasting, infection and sores? Give her psychological counseling.
I think you are overly enmeshing here in the caregiving, and worrying too much about something that to be honest, in my opinion, seems to be going well. I would suggest you see a cognitive therapist or a licensed social worker in private practice (often best at counseling on life transitions) for a few sessions.
I wish you the best.
Meanwhile you have what sounds like a decent facility here, that is caring, and a relatively content mother, who is not expressing hunger or a wish for more sustenance or different sustenance.
In this case Mom appears to have an ongoing interest in living and doing (visits to the casino at 96!). VSED may not apply in this situation; however, I think it may when very old, debilitated people refuse food.
At 96 your mother is not going to be treated and cured if she does have anorexia. It is a complicated disease that takes a lot of therapy to try and treat and cure - if that is in fact what your mother has. Her comments about wanting to be a model and having to watch her figure could be cognitive decline or an eating disorder.
How was her eating when she was younger? Has she always been prone to eating little to nothing or is this something new? If it is something new it may be that she is not really hungry - though in your comments she says the food tastes bad. Have you brought her food she wants to eat and does she eat it? If she won't eat anything - even food she likes then she may very well have disordered eating.
But what can you do about it if she does have an eating disorder at 96 years old? Bring her to therapy? Would she even agree to go?
It got worse as she aged. She lost her appetite and barely ate. Somehow, she lived to be 95 years old.
I understand how you feel. My mother was skin and bones.
If labs say everything is normal, and you witness how she eats, then chalk it up to age and a sedentary life.
My mum used to have Aymes and now has nualtra Foodlink Complete. These are powder sachets that you mix with milk. They are a lot thicker than the readymade bottles of ForteSip or Ensure. They also taste better (smell better!).
My mum has never liked milkshake and we couldn't get her to drink the readymade bottles, but she will drink the ones that are freshly made with the powder sachets and 100 ml (I think that's 4 fl oz) of milk.
You could try those and see if they're better. They contain all the same nutrients, proteins and calories.
https://www.todaysgeriatricmedicine.com/archive/JA22p14.shtml
It can be hard to change our focus as end of life nears because it goes against everything we've done and believed up until then. We've spent our lives encouraging ill loved ones to eat to "keep up their strength" and devote time and energy creating food that we hope will tempt them - food often equals nurture and love.
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