My mom does not qualify for Medicaid, nor are we financially loaded. Just a regular middle class family. I have looked into the cost of assisted living and nursing homes and I almost fell off my chair. The cheapest I have found for assisted living, which is probably the stage my mother is in now, but would then need memory care, is over three thousand dollars per month. OMG!
Are there other alternatives to assisted living like being in a group place or something else? I wish my mom could live with me but I just couldn't emotionally take it as she has moderate dementia and other personality issues.
Thanks!
I was just trying to warn people that when a parent gives you cash in the past like; birthday, wedding, Christmas money, vacation trips, college cash, new born grandbaby cash, etc., your state may expect all of you to pay it back
What burns me is that my mom has thousands of dollars worth of home health and NH care policies that don't fit her current needs! Even she didn't realize that the control these companies have over her money will leave you out in the cold!! I'm just really glad my mom didn't give us any cash, I was just reciting what the NH employees have told me regarding what they've see happen to some families.
Moral of the story is that if you do purchase one of the senior care policies, be sure that it cover's all health scenarios in case you too, out live your assets.
Some lucky parents never have to be taken to a NH. and let's hope your and my mothers are like this. Personally, I am looking forward to the blessing of making her exit, very sweet by surrounding her with the love and tenderness she never received during her childhood.
1. the home is valued at over 500K (750K in some states)
2. it is not a homesteaded property - it's income producing
3. mom is terminal under 3/6 mos (this is usual to have happen)
What imho happens is that once mom is in the NH, there is NO $ to pay for upkeep on the house, as all mom's income less whatever her state's personal needs allowance ($30 - 60) she get's to keep. So no real $ that she can use. If there is still a mortgage, this can be alot of $ due every month which has to be paid or home goes into default & foreclosure. So the family sells the house as they can't pay the mortgage. But many family do maintain the home and pay for insurance, taxes, utitlities, maintenance, etc and then in probate seek reinbursement from the estate for what they paid for. This is totally legitimate and done all the time.
As my Dad always said, "My money is my money to burn if i want to." he has been gone for about 4 years, and, yes, no one misses him. Just hateful. Brother and I never asked for a penny, ever. All money in our family was for their care in their old age. So that is what it will be spent for. Don't care anymore.
Sad thing is Mom has close to 1 million dollars. Nothing I can do. She gives each of us 100.00 for Christmas and we turn around and spend it on her Christmas gifst. She was bitching yesterday about her cable bill, too high. Brother pays for her cell phone and she will not get a computer or internet.
You know, I intend to not do this to my kids. i may not have any money left, but I made sure my kids could support themselves. Mom and Dad were old fashioned Southerns where girls were to get married and have kids. No education either, that cost money.
I know alot of people say it is their money to spend as they see fit. I some what agree. But every action has a reaction. And when you treat your kids like they don't matter, well the kids treat you like you don't matter either. That is what you taught them.
My husbands family entirely different. Estate planning, trusts and a good bit of inheritance. Mom was treated like a queen because she was so good to her kids. Her daughter took care of her in the last year of her life. She had ALS. Not easy.
My Mom and Dad's only comment. "They didn't want to spend their inheritance." Sorry to Vent. It has been a bad week.
I just read that the average life expectancy in a nursing home is 6 months - 2 years. Mostly because people are in pretty poor condition before they finally end up there. But, you can see why the nursing home inflates things to use up the persons assets quickly.
Sadly, my hubby's folks never discussed anything about growing older and never even discussed death - with anyone - not even between each other! When he died - she didn't even know what is 'final wishes' were - they hadn't talked about it. They figured if they didn't think about it or talk about it - it wouldn't happen! We got our ducks in a row when we were 50 - wills, trusts, etc. Don't put your planning off!!
If you have time - at least 5 years - (still 3 in some states) - go see a GOOD elder attorney. and see what can be done to preserve the estate. Go see an elder attorney even if you don't have 3-5 years. They can guide you.
Why do you think so many people are caring for their elderly relatives? I think first of all, it is because we care. Secondly - there aren't enough funds to pay for good care or we are trying to preserve their assets. My MIL has no assets - we just think it would break her heart to have to leave here :0(
The baby boom generation will have even LESS choice and sadly, our kids just may not want to put their life on 'hold' to care for their parents. This is NOT a blanket statement - I know there are still plenty of caring children out there - but this is a difficult and often thankless job - not everyone can do it. And the economy doesn't make it easy. I am not even sure if I want my kids to try.
I believe that our kids may be FORCED to care for their elderly - the government is broke.
You will need LOTS of encouragement - this site can help. I am sure glad I found it. It doesn't always change anything - but a person sure can vent :0)
Wow, your Mom has Parkinson's? My Dad had that. He died four years ago not from the Parkinson's but Colitius. Just weakend him until he had a heart attack. Parkinson's is harsh. You do have a lot on your plate.
Hopefully those of us baby boomers can learn from the above situations. Modest homes, no debt, planning for the future, frugality, being content and counting blessings, not paying for things that are not needed--those are all wonderful traits to have. Most of our parent's generation (my own Dad and others excluded) were very wise in the way they lived. May we pay heed to do the same.
Ron Paul is interesting. I agree with some of what he says but am too old to really think it would work. If I was 20 again, I'd probably like him. But, unfortunately, I am not 20. Sad.
You know there are lots of nice people here who can give some great advice. I have had alot of problems with my Mom over the last few years. Just a nasty head case. Because of good advice and research, I have learned how to deal with her. I am at peace.
Hope you find some peace with all the stress of caring for your Mom. Take care.
Look back from DHS is 5 years so maybe you could change the ownership to protect the house and hope your mom won't need to go into a medicaid situation until the 5 years time limit is up? You might check with a lawyer about selling a house when no one is buying these days. That may be another way it could turn out that you wouldn't have to sell it if you can't! Or you could then sell it, use some of the money for her and be left with atleast some of the money to start a new life.
That's a hard one but really it was her house, if it's meant to be yours it will be, if not, you won't feel bad about taking care of mom with it. We all change as they change and we realize we could be like them someday, not having any $$ to have a roof over our head. Hope this helps, just keep asking around and you may be able to find a way to have your cake and eat it too.