She is 90. I'm stressed about things she tells ppl on the phone. Example...
Today she told a family member she is always alone and hasn't seen anyone all day. She went with my parents to church this morning and saw many friends. I was cooking a special meal she likes in the kitchen and overheard her complaining. Yesterday our whole family went out to dinner together. Day before, we took her, my mom and daughter to lunch and shopping. She goes to my mom's to visit twice a week. I don't know what she expects.
What sort of "legalities" are you stressing out about with regard to moving grandma in with you? If it were me, I'd be worrying about losing my privacy, my mind, my autonomy, etc.....with legalities being at the very end of the list. There are a ton of things to consider before doing such a thing, ESPECIALLY if you think dementia is a factor! That's a real game changer, even for people who have lots of patience and experience dealing with dementia behaviors!
My 86-yr old MIL is in LTC. Once we were visiting her and while there her other son from out of state called. She told him nobody ever visits her...while we were standing right in the room. She has mild dementia and a lot of short-term memory impairment.
I learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and focuses on positive caregiving tactics. She gives excellent explanations of how dementia changes our LOs, which causes them to say and do the things they do, and gives guidance on how to interact with them in calm and productive ways for better daily engagement. I wish you much success in getting an accurate diagnosis. I also wish you much wisdom in deciding if her living with you is the right thing to do for everyone involved.
The only way to know if someone has dementia is to get them evaluated by a neurologist, psychiatrist or neuropsychologist.
Per your profile, gma is getting a pacemaker tomorrow and moving in with you and your family.
Have you all considered this move carefully? Who will be doing the caregiving?