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My father is in his 60s dealing with Dementia and Parkinson's. He got diagnosed in 2021 but has been rapidly decline due to the specific strain. He has an at-home aide that comes regularly to help while my mother is at work. He has been affecting me and my mom mentally and physically. He has ruined my mental health and caused me to spiral and get admitted to a psychiatric ward. He has affected my mom's back and spine due to the fact that he is quite large and cannot stand by himself. He has also made 4 other aides quit already and I can’t stand him anymore. No elderly home or nursing home will help us due to the fact he acts normal while they are present. We have already gone to 3 in the past 6 months. He has caused me and mom so pain. What can I do?

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He has Dementia and Parkinsons. He needs 24/7 care and no Longterm Care facility will take him? He needs care that you nor Mom can give him anymore.

I would consult with an Elder Lawyer. Its much easier to get someone in a facility under private pay. Mom can have their assets split and his split going to pay for his care. When the money is gone, Mom applies for Medicaid for him. There is something she can sign where she is not personally financially responsible for his care.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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"No elderly home or nursing home will help us due to the fact he acts normal while they are present." I don't know what this means. It would seem like a temporary plus, as nursing homes do kick people out for behavoiral reasons. To be admitted to a nursing home, a medical professional must conduct a functional and medical assessment to certify that he requires a "Nursing Facility Level of Care". The inability to stand or transfer safely usually guarantees he meets this standard. Are you saying he stands by himself for these assessments? He does need medication to address his behavoir. Contact his doctor about that at the very least.
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Reply to jolobo
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Move out. Have mom get him medicated.
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Reply to JustAnon
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This sounds dangerous and unsustainable and I hope you, your mom, and your dad get significant help soon. I agree he may need meds.

I don’t understand this: “No elderly home or nursing home will help us due to the fact he acts normal while they are present”

If he physically can’t stand on his own and needs an aide and can’t be alone, that sounds like exactly the situation that senior care facilities are designed to help with.

I think you mean he “acts normal” or not aggressive (?) while being evaluated by professionals? Can he stand on his own then?

Has your mother discussed this with his doctors?
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Reply to Suzy23
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Perhaps you and M need to precipitate a crisis. M needs to go for a 2 week vacation (even if it is to recuperate in a care facility!), you need to back out of caring for him. He needs to find for himself that he needs care and cannot live alone without it. It would be good to work out what is the best outcome of the crisis that will inevitably happen (eg “he can’t stand by himself”), and make sure that’s what is on the table to resolve the crisis.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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LakeErie 1 hour ago
He has dementia and Parkinson's. He's not able to find out anything.
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Yes, he needs medication to calm his behavior. Your mother should contact his neurologist immediately and tell him or her that it is an emergency safety issue. If you or she feel unsafe at any time you should leave and if necessary call 911 and have him taken to the ER and ask that he be admitted as an inpatient until medications can get his temperament under control. I'm sorry you and your mother are in this situation.
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Reply to MG8522
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Your father needs medication to calm his extreme behaviors. Your mother needs and deserves to live in peace. As this has caused you this much mental duress, you need to back off completely and protect yourself. This is beyond your ability to help or fix, not your fault. Please take care of yourself, you matter
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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