Tenant called the health dpt they said they would be on it (?) I hope so
social services person called me and said she would call APS
they were both sickened by being around him.
He called today asking for a number for a biohazard company
This is a total nightmare I told the social svcs person to call my sister we dont talk but she should know I am tired of carrying this alone.
Hey, it's good news if the fire and police departments went there and said the place is fine. Okay. Now you walk away. If you arrange an uber and your father craps in it, that's not on you. That's on him.
You talk about him ruining another day of your life and that it's your own fault. You're absolutely right. Good for you taking some responsibility for your own life. You don't have to allow any of it because it's not your responsibility.
Many people have selfish, narcissistic parents like your father. People who usually groomed one of their kids from a young age through a combination of parentification, emotional, psychological, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse to assume the role of family scapegoat, care slave, and dysfunctional, totally guilt-tripped companion to their parent. Often times the parent will 'love bomb' the person as a way to manipulate them if there's a chance they may not get what they need or want simply by demanding it. These kinds of parents do it to their child also because sometimes they feel some guilt for how they treat the kid.
You're a grown woman with a life of your own. Your father needs help but is only willing to accept it on his terms and conditions. That's not how it works. You're not responsible for him. Neither is your sister. She's figured out how to stay away from this mess. So can you. Good luck.
he also went to the hospital for an impacted stool (he eats total junk)
Haven't talked to him since and told him not to call me (he just did but whatever) The tenant just called me as well, not talking to her either.
just wanted to send an update and thanks for all the support here!!
p.s. My sister is out of her mind unfortunately, she says I am evil and have stolen from my parent's house. We don't talk
The fact that teams of officials have arrived bodes well for him getting cleaned up in some way. I hope that happens. And try talking to yourself about yourself with a lot more kindness.
It seems to me this tenant, who has been complaining, could have moved out.
Instead, they have chosen to stay there, for many months. I would worry less about the tenant's complaints. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR MANAGING YOUR FATHER'S MESSES! OR HIS LIFE. OR HIS FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS.
You have tried distancing yourself, yet you always come back to this upsetting situation. Please speak with a therapist who can help you learn to LET GO.
It's not your job to provide a number for a biohazard company to your dad's tenant. They can look it up as well as you can. They need to find a way to work this out with your father. The tenant should just leave. But, they won't, which indicates something strange going on with this tenant. It's not your problem.
And please stop fretting over whether to call your sister. Call your sister, or Don't call your sister. Why is this so distressing for you to decide? I suspect you have long been groomed to have a role in some dysfunctional family dynamic.
It has not been good for you. Just walk away from it. Focus on what you need to do in your life, not what your family members need.
You say you're tired of carrying this alone. You don't need to carry it at all. Free yourself.
he is still in his home, he wants me to go see a lawyer with him and go to the hospital with him tomorrow
made a mistake telling him I would hire an uber how stupid. they will refuse him and if he goes he will be sued for defecating in their car
he called telling how much he loved me (i don't think he is capable of loving anything other than himself this sucks)
I won't do anything for him unless he cleans up and he won't I HATE this he ruined another day of my life, my own fault
any phone calls I won't answer
he may be removed from his house, he deserves it, what an awful person I am so sad he was my father
Keep those boundaries. Do not get involved . Do not let the health dept , police , hospital or anyone try to talk you into doing anything . You don’t help your father , you don’t go over to his place to clean it up . DO NOTHING .
Let the authorities handle it. You tell them you have no power, no POA, and that you do not want guardianship either . Try not to answer your phone . It is best for all involved if you don’t get involved .
At this point the authorities can help Dad more than you can . But you have to force the responsibility on them by you not doing anything .
I got this news from his tenant
I don't care what happens at this point, I just heard the phrase protect your peace and it hit me in the gut
I would be the caregiver in some form if he would let me, I don't know if he is delusional, has dementia (which doctors say he doesn't) or just doesn't trust me and I don't care
"Angina is temporary chest pain, discomfort, or pressure caused by reduced blood flow and oxygen to the heart muscle, typically signaling coronary artery disease. It is often described as squeezing, burning, or tightness in the chest, spreading to the arms, neck, or back. Key symptoms include heaviness, indigestion-like discomfort, and pain triggered by exertion, anxiety, or heavy meals."
You are not responsible for him and refuse to be the caregiver so let APS and the social workers figure things out because it's not on you.
you are right they all have my number for some reason and I slightly resent the social worker calling me to tell me she was going to call APS
ok I REALLY resent it, she even said she shouldn't be calling me so wtff-
she KNOWS my history with this person and how much I have tried to help
so why contact me
I have to block all these people and tell them I am not involved anymore
thanks E1 again gnight :)
I hope your tests are ok .
He doesn't want to hire a biohazard company because of the cost (over $1000 and most likely more, he has the money)
I told him he will be removed from the house he doesn't believe it
Husband will talk to him if necessary for emergencies going forward, I am done
I am getting chest pains and may have had a heart attack that I didn't know about, it looks like it may be nothing, I hope so but I need more tests kind and am kind of scared. I know this crap isn't helping and maybe even causing it.
He doesn't want to hire a biohazard company because of the cost (over $1000 and most likely more, he has the money)
I told him he will be removed from the house he doesn't believe it
Husband will talk to him if necessary for emergencies going forward, I am done
I am getting chest pains and may have had a heart attack that I didn't know about, it may be nothing, I hope so but I need more tests and am kind of scared. I know this crap isn't helping and maybe even causing it.
He also doesn't know the health dpt and elderly services were contacted I hope the social worker can get somewhere with them because I didn't