Rough statistics show that 30% of caregivers die before those they are caring for. Some studies show deaths higher. Illness that doesn't lead to death is rampant, as well - depression and auto-immune diseases are high on the list. Caregivers often don't find time to go to their own doctor appointments. They put them off, because they are too busy, or are just plain sick of sitting in clinics with their loved ones. Then things like breast cancer, which could be caught at an early stage, aren't found until the illness is much worse or even life threatening.
Caregivers are as important as the people they care for. If they abuse their bodies, minds and spirits while caring for others, no one wins. Support for caregivers means we must tell our stories and know we are heard. I hope we'll hear many stories on this site.
Carol
Now I understand why my parents [mid-90's] will probably outlive me.
Please keep us updated on how you're doing.
Carol
ff - thx for the updated information. I knew about the 40% but not the increase to 70% over 70. I am assuming that refers to hands on caregivers, but even as a distance caregiver I know there is a toll on my health and those figures make me even more resolute to look after myself. I do have a couple of non life threatening health conditions which affect my quality of life. These have been exacerbated, if not caused, by the stress of caregiving a mentally ill mother. All the more reason to look after one's self. You deserve a decent retirement. I know it takes work to keep distancing yourself against those who do not understand - in my case not only my parent but also the facility staff who are not very aware. But it is worth it to preserve your own life. (((((hugs))))) to you too. Are there any geriatric managers in your area who could be hired to help?
It's wonderful that you can pay for his wife's care and he needs to know that, but many of his generation do feel that it is their duty to provided the care even if that care isn't as good as others could provide or if it kills the caregiver. Unless he has has severe cognitive impairment, he has a right to this decision.
I wish I could give you a different answer, and maybe someone else has one. I don't. I think if you force anything that could kill him, as well.
It's got to be terrible for you to watch this, so my heart goes out to you.
Carol
Take care,
Carol
Before your parents' declines, they would have been horrified at the thought that their care would have put you in this position. Try to remember who they were and that they'd want you to get healthy.
Put your health first. Yes, visit you dad, but don't consider that your main responsibility. Your main responsibility is to yourself now.
Please update us on how you are doing.
Carol
Thank you for bringing this alarming and frightening statistic to the forefront. More research needs to be done on helping caregivers through their long battle and journey, It seems that there is too little federal support for research on caregivers.
Carol
But any time I did schedule my own appointments I usually had to cancel them because Mom or Dad had a medical emergency, so I got gun shy about re-scheduling.
And there is the time when one is dealing with two parents and their many doctor appointments that you feel like you will scream if you see yet another waiting room !!
Carol
Caregivers don't get enough respect from society in general and often not enough from those around. The amount of unpaid labor that men and mostly women could to the economy is about 50% of Walmart's annual revenue-billions and billions.
Medicare would be bankrupt today or much sooner if it has to pay for all that unpaid labor.
The problem is that our nation perceives caregiving as an occupation that one does when lacking the skills to do other work. You have to become a CNA, LPN, etc. to be deemed qualified to be a caregiver. Given my experience with very low-paid caregivers is that they don't fit into many homes; a cultural mismatch. Yet that is the first question many prospective clients ask when they contact me about my services. Many unpaid caregivers do a far superior job of caring for their loved ones than the commonly available caregivers found in so many areas. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. But not as many as one might hope for.
Best wishes for the holiday season. Ann
Oh wait I am living in cloud cuckoo land they would want to to give the money overseas? Well that would be about right!
I have always said (and I did used to work honest I did) that I would rather pay a few £s more tax and have a police service and a health service that was effective than I would have more money in my pocket and no money for my health or safety later in my life when I will depend on these services.
The NHS in the UK was sold to many by using the term caring from cradle to grave to keep you above the national minimal standard. I get 96.00 a week BELOW that.... you go figure how much a caregiver is worth to the state...... may be it is billions but they don't give a damn as long as we do it .....and if we die earlier?Well thats good too because thats one less to worry about. It does annoy me that I am considered utterly worthless by our country - I just wonder how they would cope if we all notified the social services we were not going to do any care on Monday!
About a year later, the whole topic of caregiving exploded. Still, it's been an uphill battle and will be for a long time. There is nowhere near enough support. Caregivers need choices. They need respite. They save whatever government they are under billions of dollars each year. Yet squeezing some services out of the tax payers seems like - if I may use the old adage - getting blood out of a turnip.
We need to be grateful for some changes but there is so far to go that for many any help will come too late. Many of us have been financially devastated as well as physically affected by years of caregiving with no assistance. We need each other desperately for many reasons but support may be the greatest.
Carol
I agree that this is a huge problem. However, many people don't have families who could help or anyone else to turn to. Or even if families do help, they all have jobs, they are all trying to get along. Help is limited.
We desperately need, at the very least, some way for reliable respite care. Some communities have block nurse programs and other programs that are marvelous, but many have no options. Few have enough.
I don't know the answers but it seems to be a world-wide problem so no health system or social system has this worked out at this point. We can all hope for better.
Take care, JesseBelle. You are such a valuable resource for us.
Carol