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I certainly appreciate all the support. I will have to hope I can find another decent facility if it comes to that. I don't see how I can return her to where she was although there were positives before all this transpired. I feel i was blatantly lied to. They didn't tell me about the first bedsore for awhile and it was very advanced by then. These are causing her the most discomfort presently. But it all starts with being dropped by a careless aid. I had asked her in the past how she was lifted and she described the lift. She is too incoherent now to learn much else. That also declined rapidly along with the injury.
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Following the updates here Riverdale, and I'm shocked at what's been happening with mom. Sending you prayers that she is able to recover from this latest round of bedsores and now rectal bleeding. And that other placement is found for your dear mom as well. Stay strong, girl. Sending you hugs.
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So sorry to hear about serious bedsores. Hopefully, taking her to hospital will get them taken care of & make sure she’s turned often to relieve pressure. She probably needs antibiotic & maybe skin repair. Hugs 🤗
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Sending my prayers for your mom.
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Went to look at a different facility and talked to others. I felt positive about the one I saw. All others had issues that wouldn't work. Waiting for a few more tests but we seem to be heading towards hospice.

She could barely communicate today and when she did it was about great pain where bedsore is. They aren't giving her any food or stronger pain medication due to gastric issues. They do have her on IV's. Apparently she arrived dehydrated and with some heavy constipation. Another issue I kept bringing up at SN facility. When we were there we would have her drink but I am doubting they did. Just have to go soon and clear out her room. I can't see sending her back there.
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(((((((Hugs))))))). No words for this situation.
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No words for this situation, like Barb said, Riverdale. Sending you hugs and prayers.
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So sorry, RD.
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The facility felt and we observed my mother doing better but she has just been diagnosed with osteomyelitis and has to see an infectious disease doctor. She seemed more tired today and had less appetite. Does anyone know or think this could take her downhill faster?
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Riverdale, first off hugs, and thank you so uch for keeping to one thread

Osteomyelitis. Oy. My teenaged brother developed it for no good reason when he was like 14. Long hospital stays. I V antibiotics. He recovered, but he was 14 ad strong like ox!

https://www.medscape.com/answers/190115-82463/what-is-the-treatment-for-osteomyelitis-due-to-pressure-injuries-pressure-ulcers

I would want to have a frank private talk with the treating doc about whether this is a road you want to walk. (((((Hugs))))
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I had it too 2 years ago with my jaw. I was on a PICC line for 6 weeks. I am concerned because we are going into a weekend and that is without any antibiotics. She seemed very different today than just 2 days ago. Little appetite and just wanted to sleep. I said all this to the nurse in charge but the office has to get back to her. Just not having a good feeling for the umpteenth time.
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Is she still on the hospital or is she back at the NH?

Consider calling 911 to get her transported so she cam get IV antibiotics, if that is how you want to proceed.
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She is at the facility. She seems peaceful and not in pain. Hospital stays are stressful on her. The lights and noise bother her and my husband and I can't visit together. I could insist but that doesn't seem the right answer to me. She will have to be transported to the infectious disease doctor. I am not trying to finish her off. Of course I am younger but I had osteomyelitis for awhile before diagnosis and treatment. She just seemed peaceful but distant today. I don't want to disrupt that. I just don't know what to think anymore. This has been such a Rollercoaster. Previously they told me there was no infection in the bone.
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Oh Riverdale,

I am so sorry that your mom is going through this.

I pray that she is comfortable and rests, praying the doctors do right by her and her treatment.

Great big warm hug!
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Riverdale, I think you are right to keep her comfortable where she is.

I want to add: before mom went on Hospice (which my brother refused) the NH assured me that if we got to "end of life" they would be able to give her pain meds that would keep her comfortable.

Mom fell during a transfer and went downhill. Was clearly in pain, and on heavy duty pain meds. I ran to the nursing station and asked what they could do.

Fortunately, the facility doc was there and said "why isn't she on hospice?".

I gave him a short precis of my bro's objections and he said "your brother needs to get here right now".

I called my brother and explained the fact that mom appeared to be in terrible pain (facial grimaces, etc) and bless him, he came over. We got mom on hospice, got her on morphine and she passed peacefully 3 days later.

There are such hard choices to be made at the end. Blessings and hugs to you.
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I really appreciate the kind messages. Alot of family have just been MIA regarding my mother. Some don't respond after we reach out (doctor in the family). Others have become a real disappointment to me. My mother has always stayed in touch with her family. This site has given me great comfort.
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Thinking of you, Riverdale. It’s awful to be in the position of having to make these decisions.

I wish you and your mother peace.
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An infectious disease doctor cannot see my mother until early November. I have sent the facility the contact I had for myself. I have also asked if she should be on another antibiotic until then.

Today she seemed faded. Very little appetite and mainly wanted to sleep. I am my own worst enemy because I ask myself why I didn't feel more joy around her when she was in AL. I have mentioned how our relationship was not ideal but I know I tried to meet all her needs once she was in a facility. Now I have to search out staff for her pain medication etc. I guess I am wondering what untreated osteomyelitis might lead to. It is located where her bedsore is. I literally don't have any friend to reach out to. Am so grateful for this site and those who help me here.
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RD, now is not the time to be beating yourself up about 'not feeling more joy being around mom' when she was in AL! You can't go back and fix things from the past, or else you'd go way way back & fix the fact that your mom wasn't a person anyone would feel much joy TO be around in the first place. You've been nothing but a wonderful daughter to her all along, and what's happened now is through no fault of your own, so don't be blaming yourself for invented 'sins'. Just stay on top of her care, as you have been, and treat yourself with kindness & grace; this whole matter has been very hard for YOU, too, not just her.

Is she not on hospice now? If not, why not? You say, "I am not trying to finish her off." Of course you aren't, but by the same token, continuing to administer harsh drug treatments now, like IV antibiotics for osteomyelitis, is taking drastic measures to prolong her life AND her pain when she's declining further all the time. Doesn't it seem that way to you? It may be wiser to stop medical treatments at this point and allow hospice to give her comfort meds to keep her pain free and relaxed. This is the course I would take with my mother, should she find herself in a similar situation.

I know this is very difficult for you, but the signs are pointing towards hospice being the right next step, especially since you have to transport the woman to the infectious disease doc who can't even see her till early November!! You just want peace and no pain for her now, that's the only goal. When the ailments just keep piling up and UP, the treatments become too much to manage and that's how you know that hospice is likely the right decision. When my dad's brain tumor grew, the only meds were steroids which would make him very sick and wouldn't really DO anything to get rid of the tumor, so that's when we knew hospice was the best call. A bone infection can be a very hard situation to get rid of. My sister in law had one for months & months and it would not clear up, so her foot had to be amputated up to the knee. And she's only 64.

Sending you a big hug and a prayer that God will guide you to the right path w/o punishing yourself in the process.
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Thank you Lealonnie. You always have such thorough replies that make so much sense. One daughter is coming here this weekend. She is in the Healthcare field. I will inquire about hospice is she stays the same. A few days ago she was alert and hungry. This up and downs make it hard to know what to do.
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YW RD. My father was exactly the same way. He was FINE one minute, then all of a sudden, he started leaning to the left. My mother was screaming SIT UP STRAIGHT SIT UP STRAIGHT but he couldn't! The AL nurse thought he'd had a stroke, so off to the ER we went. It wasn't a stroke; the brain tumor had grown, as a CT Scan revealed, which was at the root of his leaning to the left. Hospice got involved, and dad immediately developed a UTI, got into bed, and never got out! He passed away 19 days later. He was 91, same age as your mom. I think at such an advanced age, something hits them and BOOM, they start that slide downhill they can't recover from. For dad, it was blessedly fast and for that I'm very grateful. Hospice was wonderful; they kept him very comfortable the entire time, thank God.
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Riverdale; please try to get past the "hospice is just a way to finish her off". My dear brother had the same feeling; I truly regret not pushing to get hospice in earlier to get my mom more day to day assistance.

The NH promised me that at the end, even without hospice, they would be able to relieve her pain. They weren't . There were apparently limits beyond which they couldn't prescibe.

Have you spoken to the Medical Director of the NH? That's who helped me out, and who was abke to talk to my brother, sensibly, about relieving mom's pain.
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RD, I am so sorry that your mom is having such a brutal time.

I have to agree with Barb about hospice. To many people bring them in to late and lose so many of the benefits.

Remember, you don't have to allow the amount of meds prescribed be administered. My sister had wound care, on hospice and she decided what she would or wouldn't take. (Until she couldn't and then her mom decided, whole drama)

It is definitely worth speaking to them, at least.

Big hugs for all of you.
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That is a good point BarbBrooklyn. I know they do have end of life medication
I don't know how effective it might be. In my thoughts., Cancer patients need the very strong stuff but maybe the simple elderly might be fine with the basics. Of course if a hospital is necessary that would happen. I had a first cousin who planned for home for her end but the multiple cancers she had were so strong and required much pain relief so she had to go to a hospital and died there. Her pain required only what allowed by hospital.

.
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Riverdale, big (((((hugs))). The hardest thing for me was making these decisions when in the back of my head was "do you remember when you told me to stop making mountains out of molehills?". Remembering when, in a fit of anger, she threw my favorite doll out in the trash.

I think folks who have great relationships with their parents have one kind of terrible time letting go. Those of us with ambiguous relationships are always second guessing ourselves (at least I was).

Be at peace with getting your mom good pain relief.
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Riverdale, just reading about your mom...oh my I'm so so sorry for what your mom (and you) are going through. I pray you are comforted by the very wise insights and support from the seasoned caregivers of the forum. ((hugs to you))
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Thank you Geaton. ITRR, it is not clear to me if she has to agree to hospice although I believe the facility only offers palliative care. She continues to have that aspect to her personality of not dealing with reality and add her current state. She claims she wants to get better. She does not express a desire to be freed from all she is enduring.
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Rd, If she is not ready, then you keep doing the aggressive treatment.

Is palliative care keeping her relative pain free? If not, ask them what can be done so she is not suffering.

My sister believed that she would utilize hospice to help her get better, so no thought of it being the end. Unfortunately, she had breast cancer that had metastasized to the bone and she would get spontaneous breaks in her spine when she moved. It took 5 of them before she sought medical treatment and at that point, it was too late. Treatment only offered an 8 week survival. She actually lived 10 more weeks without anything but hospice care.

Right to the end she believed she would walk out of that room completely healthy. She did, just not in the way she thought.

I pray that they can heal your mom and restore her to better health.

Warm hug! This is such a challenging time for your family. May The Lord strengthen you all.
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For the last few visits my mother seems in an altered mental state. Complains of alot of pain yet all her pain medications were just given to her. She just is different and it feels more permanent. She still has some appetite. She will claim she can't breathe yet they bring in everything and all her vitals are stable. As I know so many of you know it is incredibly hard to witness. I just don't know what to think. Conversations go in circles as my mental state grasps for reality.
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RD, I am so sorry.

One thing that I would verify, are they giving her pain meds as needed or on a schedule? Because it takes time for oral meds to work, sometimes as long as an hour, so perhaps she is in pain.

My granny was in tremendous pain near the end and she was unconscious but, we could tell by her face and body movement that she was hurting. It took getting upset with the doctor to get enough prescribed so she could be comfortable.

Prayers for God's will to be done.
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