I've put my foot down with my mother in-law after being taken advantage of for far too long. It's time the other siblings step up to the plate. However, she has painted my husband and I as the bad ones to get her way. Here's 1 example: She's not supposed to have salty foods (kidney disease). So, to get her way, she tells the other siblings that she just wants a taste of something and that her body is just craving it. She does this about every other day. She says that the doctor said it was fine to have McDonalds fries. Then, she cries and says she was begging us to buy them and that she had tears pouring down her face and we drove past McDonalds and made her just look out the window at McDonalds while ignoring her. This is not true, but it works for her because they always cave to her manipulation. We have tried to explain to the siblings what is going on. We told them that was not true and that we never even passed a McDonalds. No one says a word to her about lying. If she had said those things about the siblings, they would be livid and have no trouble speaking to her about this but since it's us she is lying about, no one seems to care. Should we just ignore this? It makes me scared that her lies are going to grow. The siblings can't seem to understand that she doesn't like us because we go by what the doctor says to do. If they did what the doctor said (which they won't because they are idiots), she wouldn't like them either. I am turning doctors’ appointments over to them and I'm hoping by them listening to the doctor, they may change their ways.... although I have my doubts. I've just never experienced so many lies and so much dysfunction in all my life. I guess my question is, does it make it any better to confront her with her lies and manipulation? She would probably deny it or turn herself into more of a "pitiful victim" to the other siblings.
I wouldn’t call her out, just distance yourself.
Its so easy for the other siblings just to sympathize and let her have her own way. They don't have to put up with her. I would tell her to eat what she wants. Then when her kidneys fail, she can go on dialysis and find a way to get to and from treatments because you will not be doing it. Better, maybe tell her doctor the situation and see if she can sit all day in a dialysis unit and see what these people go thru weekly. Because, once you get to that point, to stop means death in a couple of weeks. You die from the toxins in your system. It also effects your brain. I have had two friends choose to stop dialysis because it was so hard on them.
Your husbands siblings need to be supportive.
Not sure Margaret you have the option of MIL when filling out ur profile.
I am reporting hoping Admin. can change to questions. You will get more responses.
Personally? For my mom at 92, if she has a hankering for something she 'shouldn't' have, I probably would get her whatever she wanted. Life is a drag for her and she's lonely, tired and miserable a lot of the time.
I don't think she'd cry over fries, but she might over a QP with cheese.
Why not feed her whatever she wants without arguing? Mickey D's 3x a day and a large Dairy Queen Blizzard with extra Reeses Pieces for dessert? You trying to force her to eat a healthy diet and take care of herself is only going to give YOU a heart attack and extend HER life to 100.
Give up the food fight and let her be. Better yet, get her into Assisted Living where she can gorge herself at every meal and nobody will care.
Is it feasible for you both to take a month's break and allow the others to care for her?
Or perhaps she'd do better in a care center.