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Cwillie, Giant Tiger sells bags that tuck into a pouch with a clip. Mine is blue with orange slices.

Way, I’m losing my ability to keep my mouth shut. I like to bestow my wisdom upon all misguided souls around me. And wow, was that 60 year old misguided!

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I got a haircut today . Was soooo looking forward to it . I was chopping off some length and get it thinned out and some layers cut as I usually do once it gets cooler and I’m no longer wearing it tied back , as I do in the summer months ( because I have very thick hair ) . It will be shorter and feel lighter ,

But ………. Uggh .
I go to a very small 2 chair salon where every customer is 50 and over . Once again I got to overhear another customer talking about caregiving . Today a woman about 60 yo was talking about her 86 yo neighbor . ( The 86 yo was also a customer at this salon , so she was telling the hairstylist the update ) .

She was saying how her 86 year old neighbor is in rehab and was told she can’t go home to live alone . The 86 yo accepted this and said she would rather live in a care home because she’s been very lonely living alone , and that she doesn’t want to move in with and burden her daughter . She herself admitted she’s stubborn in some ways and that her and her daughter would argue so she would not want to live with her daughter . Sounds to me like this elderly woman thought this through . I was impressed!!!

However , this 60 yo woman was appalled by this . She said the 86 yo should move in with her daughter . She said if it was her mother she wouldn’t allow her mother to go to a nursing home . She would make her mother move in with her . Then later in the conversation had said her own mother had passed away already . This 60 yo did no caregiving for her Mom , so she’s clueless .

I may start bringing ear plugs so I can enjoy the one thing I pamper myself with , a haircut and color .
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I lost my pocket grocery bag today, it's such a little thing but it's left me feeling discombobulated. After retracing my steps without success (one positive thing is I've got almost 20,000 steps today) I immediately looked for a replacement on line with no success - well I did find one on Amazon for only $1, but the shipping was $10 🙄. I hauled out some fabric and attempted to make one but .... 🤦‍♀️
I just want a useful sized bag that I can fold up and put in my pocket, why oh why is this so difficult!! 😭
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Nacy and 97: Thank you!
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Hi Llama

Good to see you are back on the forum. You were missed. 🌹
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Llama, I just want to say, it's really nice to see your name again!
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Golden: Glad that you and R got to experience the wonderful supernumerary!

Nacy: Good for you, too!
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Simple things, spending time together, is the best days!

Hubby has been redoing an old truck all summer, he took a break this weekend, it was nice to not see him all greasy too. 😂
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Thanks, send -and the coyotes howling and yipping, singing their songs after the rain.
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Yes, simple things can make your day.
Those were simple, beautiful things Golden!
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I got a little wet had fun!!!

R and I went out for supper . I wanted a break and it was good for us to get out.

We had a decent light meal, went to "Jacks", an excellent little fast food place with the best ice cream for R and then on the Walmart for a few things.

Rain started spattering the windshield as we turned to leave the parking lot and the light was very strange in the west. I got a great shot of it. It was brown and grey and eerie and the sun shine very bright through it,

Then as we drove home by the back roads, the rain started coming down heavily and to the east there was a full rainbow, with a few shades of a second one.

Got home and took some shots from the balcony. The rainbow was fading but the sky and clouds were wonderful colours - gold, purple, pink. As the rain moved further east, a beautiful blue with white clouds appeared from the south and the air was so fresh.

Simple things but they made our day.
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I'm wondering if a better way to get people to fill out the profile would be to ask the people that reply to a thread. I get it when you first come on many are hanging by there last thread, and it's hard, but maybe if we start asking them if they stick with us and answer post , then they should definitely fill out the profile
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@MargaretMcKen, thank you, yes - I’ll try to do that. Having just a little trouble figuring out the forum format.
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Carina, please could you start a new thread of your own, not leave answers to you to get mixed up with other things on General Topics? All you have to do is to copy your first post onto a new question, in the box accessed from the top of the screen.

You have a difficult situation, and you are likely to want comments on various things for some time. It’s best on your own thread, so that it all hangs together. Yours, Margaret
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@Carina1977,

Your siblings from neighboring states not helping is very common . I’m 1of 5 . I alone 95% of the time took care of my parents for over a decade in their home . However I did not live with them . I had a rule , I went home every night to my own home and family . When they could not be alone overnight they were placed in a care home .

Others will tell you that you can not expect siblings to help . You are choosing to do this . That does not mean that they have to help.

Your siblings may see this as your problem . You chose this arrangement and you do have a way out , but you do not want to place Mom in care yet.

You may be feeling resentful that you are the one preserving inheritance for everyone , meanwhile you did all the work .

Unfortunately , these situations are common . Each persons view of the situation can differ .

I agree , your mother is likely not going to change her ways at her age .

I wish you luck in this . Let us know if you found any ways to make this work for your family , because it is not working now .

I did not take my parents into my house . I used their money for their care . For me inheritance wasn’t worth it . It was difficult caring for my parents . But I did get to come home to the privacy of my own home. That was priceless .

I wish you had found us sooner before you took Mom in and now Mom is contributing to the mortgage which fuels your mother’s thoughts that she can be the matriarch . Many of us would have advised you not to do this living arrangement .

Remember you do have a way out when you need it . At least your Mom does have money for a care home . Your physical health , mental health , marriage , and children not living in a house full of stress matter .
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Carina, I've been taking care of my mom for 4 years now. Not 24 7 but hasn't been easy. And the tension and stress, I was bringing home was not good for us so I'm gonna tell you how I turned it around.

I realized how lucky I was , that my husband was putting up with my moods. The only way possible I've been able to do what I've been able to do for mom was because of that man! And I try to show him gratitude every day for it.

I suspect if your husband was not who he is your mom wouldnt be there.
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@Anxietynacy, thank you for the welcome and I will stick in here. I’ve been looking for an online support community because I’m really struggling. What you say rings true, I know she’ll deteriorate. She has said that if she physically or mentally deteriorates and needs care she will move to a community or hire a caregiver. So she’s not entirely unreasonable. I’m just struggling emotionally and in my marriage with her and looking for ways to improve our immediate situation.
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Carina, welcome to the forum, I would suggest you stick with us , it will help, you have a bit to learn, but you especially have to understand, that your mom is only actually 84, this could go on for years and years, and she will have many health issues, and doctors appointment, and she will get worse to you your husband and most importantly your children.

Btw, there are always options, there is always a way out of bad situation.

Best of luck.
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@waytomisery, I agree with a lot of your points. But it is complicated, there is a large inheritance at stake as well as moving now would uproot my children and many aspects of their lifestyle. Mom does contribute significantly to the mortgage. We still love her; this is not all negative. She still has a lot of wisdom. But she’s just too micromanaging and negative and we have so little privacy that it’s really hard. My rotten siblings don’t help at all; live in neighboring states but do nothing to help with mom which increases my anger. I feel that best for me given all the factors is to learn to improve how I manage the current situation rather than change it at her age. 
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@Carina1977.

How about having Mom go to the therapist with you ? Your mother needs to learn boundaries , it’s your house , your marriage , your kids. Maybe the therapist can get your mother to listen to your concerns .

Let it blow up. Stop tiptoeing around your mother . So she gets mad . You don’t have to put up with it .

Therapy didn’t work because you are too afraid to stand up to Mom .

I know you said moving is not an option , but that is the obvious solution here. See if there are any HUD subsidized senior apartments for Mom . Rent is based on her income . If there are any , put her name on a list. If money is not the problem , then you point blank tell Mom that this is not working for your family and she needs to move out , you can help her move .

If it’s your mother’s house you and your family need to move out . I know you said it’s not an option , but you have not said why . It may actually be an option and you are not recognizing it

The other thing is maybe a senior center for activities or adult day care where she will meet people her own age.

Your mother is not extremely sensative to criticism . She is expressing her dominance as your mother . She sounds like the how dare you talk to me like that in her head , but cries to your face to manipulate you .
The “ you don’t appreciate what I do “ type of mother to have things her way. You are an adult , stand up to her. Stop letting her be in control of your household and kids.

To answer your questions , yes many have come here with a similar problem as you and they have ended up divorced .
Your responsibilities are to your marriage and kids, not to keep the peace with a bully of a mother .
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Hi all, I’m new here. I’m not exactly Caregiver, but my 84 year old mother lives with my husband and children in the same house and it has been a major strain on our marriage. She is basically healthy other than some chronic pain and difficulty with stairs and she doesn’t have dementia. However, she has become more difficult and negative with age and does not have many friends or any activities outside our family. She is very involved in my children's lives to the point of micromanaging and also very controlling about the management of the household. Our situation is complicated and moving/changing it is not an option right now, but I struggle daily with frustration and feelings of being trapped and patronized by her. I have seen a therapist but it didn’t really help because my mother is extremely sensitive to criticism and won’t accept boundaries. It has really strained my relationship with my husband and put tremendous stress on my life. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you cope? I want to improve things without blowing up the situation.
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We just found out the government agency that looks after home and long term care has changed it's name, again. Since I've been part of this circus it gone from home care, to community care access centres (CCAC), to local health integration networks (LHIN), to home and community care support services (HCCSS), and now Ontario health at home - not sure about the acronym for this one - and I may have missed one, it's hard to keep track. And with each change it gets harder for the public to find and receive services (but it sure must keep the bureaucrats busy)
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DoggieMom,

Next time your mother throws up in your face that you are living in a friend's house, remind her that she is too. Tell her ," People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones".
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Doggie Mum, if you are the tenant and M doesn’t like living there on your terms, ask her to find somewhere else to go. Your brother’s house is not the only option! Nor is the house of your brother’s friend! Stop looking at Facebook, and be the boss of your tenancy on your own terms. If M complains to brother, and brother complains to his friend, and brother’s friend terminates the tenancy…..M too will have nowhere to live, so she had better start looking now.
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You deserve a life too. Terrible she can't just stop her nonsense and attitude about you and the dogs.
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My mom doesn't have a home right now as she lives with my bro and his wife..My mother said she won't go back because they deserve to have their own life as a couple. I am at a loss at this point. I have a lot going on and thought I was getting support but I feel like I'm in more stress.
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I apologize for my complaints. I am going through a lot as Mark"s family is attacking me (except for the legal papers we are divorced) saying I'm not acting like his wife, how dare I abandon him. They attacked me on Facebook. Plus my mom is griping about my dogs again saying my clothes are going to stink like dogs. I got fed up and said, "This isn't going to work." I then got the lecture of being ungrateful as this house is a friend of my brother's and how selfish I am.
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I saw an Instagram post with Willie Nelson, yesterday.

I've heard the same thing he said before, but for some reason it resgnated with me so incredibly much more than before.

It was about worry, why do we worry? Worrying has never changed a dam thing in life. It's never solved a problem, all it does is create problems for are health.

It went something like that. It was just a very powerful uplifting message.
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doggiemom - (((((hugs)))) your mom came to help you "settle" and she is greatly "unsettling" you. it's past time for her to go. Don't listen to any of her complaints. The more you respond to her the more she will complain and there is no sense in it.

You can tell her this is your house and it is clean enough for you. That this is your life and those are your dogs and they are staying and she is going back to her home as soon as it can be arranged. You will help her pack and get whatever transportation is needed. She will be upset but what's new. She's upset anyway.

Firm boundaries are needed here, doggiemom. Never allow anyone who is that manipulative and mentally unhealthy into your home again. Prayers with all this. Just send her back to her home as soon as possible no matter what she says. It is clearly nonsense. Look after you and don't let these sick people interfere with your life.
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DoggieMom, I can't believe you let Mom come into your home. You just don't need this added stress and burden. You are complicating your life. You need an honest talk and she needs to go home to her own digs. This is going to end with you being in more trouble than you just got out of. This is YOUR HOME. Your having your mom in is going to enable her deterioration and anxiety and worsen your own. Get her OUT OF THERE SOON.
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