Hey folks, welcome to the new whine/general topic thread. Feel free to use this thread to discuss anything that is on your mind. Caregiving- related stuff, life after a loved one's death, your own emotional wellbeing. Whatever..........anything on your mind.
Looks good!
He is compliant now with B/P med Atenolol. His Smartwatch reminds him.
It took a year just to decide to take it, then another year on 1/2 tablet.
Now only one tablet every morning.
Good job, Cwillie and Nacy!
When I was checking it out before laundering it I discovered OMG it's DOWN🪶
they've always been little piggies ,interested in food pretty much only.
They LOVE their treats~
The treadmill is a great idea and I can afford it,but I don't know how I'll get any of the cats to get on it.
All they want to do is eat and sleep and watch me get them things.
They're still the light of my life and the reason I get up every morning.
Thanks for the idea anyway send~
Is this a new behavior in your cats?
I get extra hungry lately, and think it is the change in seasons.
There is this wonderful toy for cats, like a treadmill.
It is a giant circle, they love hopping on and going round and round.
I am guessing it is on the upscale side of expensive.
I searched online: treadmill for cats. Some are only $39.99, others are over $100.
Maybe a Christmas present?
Everything's ok here today.
The cats are gettn' fatter by the minute but they still want even more food constantly begging and it's driving me crazy but that's all~
It was a first.
Now, I can no longer say: No good deed goes unpunished.
I’ve been rehearsing in my mind to get ready for MIL visit .
I have been a study of your asking questions , ways of putting the responsibility of planning her care on her .
We will be setting boundaries of what we will and will not do . ( Especially since she refuses to assign POA) . She wants to stay in control . We will not be controlled by her .
However , I do fear it will fall on deaf ears again , as denial of decline always wins with her . Sigh 🥺
I do the same. Tie it back, tie it back then have to do a big chop.
That 60yo.. clueless. Sheesh.
I had a (80s) woman say to me this week "how BAD families are these days.." in reference to how families "put their parents in old people's homes."
I calmly explained often the care needs are just too big for family. Or families live far, work fulltime, have their own health issues etc. That many families are heartbroken over this.
Nope, she said their were "bad children". I remained calm & asked how SHE would care for her parent, with physical, emotional, cognitive & behavioural needs, needing round the clock care. Splutter splutter splutter. Well they would HAVE to do it. So clueless & judgemental.
I asked again "How would YOU do it? Frown. I then said, "Judge me if you will, but I cannot provide the care my LO needs".
Then she frowned again.. but looked fearful & said "I never thought... What will I do? What will we all do?"
I said we will just make the best of it. Keep smiling I guess.
I think I will invest in earplugs too.
My hairstylist used to be an aide in AL , she told the 60 yo that the 86 yo said she’s very lonely and wants to socialize with other residents so that’s what she should do . The hairstylist said that the 86 yo had been telling her for years how lonely she was living alone .
My hairstylist also knew my mother as well and my situation . I used to bring my mother to get her haircut there . My mother was never nice to her .
My hairstylist even told me she has another customer in a similar situation that I was in and said she wished she could set us up on a lunch date , to try to tell this woman how to get out of Dodge . She says the daughter doesn’t know how to say “ No” . Her mother makes her come over every day . She calls her up sending her to the store for one thing every day etc .
Way, I’m losing my ability to keep my mouth shut. I like to bestow my wisdom upon all misguided souls around me. And wow, was that 60 year old misguided!
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But ………. Uggh .
I go to a very small 2 chair salon where every customer is 50 and over . Once again I got to overhear another customer talking about caregiving . Today a woman about 60 yo was talking about her 86 yo neighbor . ( The 86 yo was also a customer at this salon , so she was telling the hairstylist the update ) .
She was saying how her 86 year old neighbor is in rehab and was told she can’t go home to live alone . The 86 yo accepted this and said she would rather live in a care home because she’s been very lonely living alone , and that she doesn’t want to move in with and burden her daughter . She herself admitted she’s stubborn in some ways and that her and her daughter would argue so she would not want to live with her daughter . Sounds to me like this elderly woman thought this through . I was impressed!!!
However , this 60 yo woman was appalled by this . She said the 86 yo should move in with her daughter . She said if it was her mother she wouldn’t allow her mother to go to a nursing home . She would make her mother move in with her . Then later in the conversation had said her own mother had passed away already . This 60 yo did no caregiving for her Mom , so she’s clueless .
I may start bringing ear plugs so I can enjoy the one thing I pamper myself with , a haircut and color .
I just want a useful sized bag that I can fold up and put in my pocket, why oh why is this so difficult!! 😭
Good to see you are back on the forum. You were missed. 🌹
Nacy: Good for you, too!
Those were simple, beautiful things Golden!
R and I went out for supper . I wanted a break and it was good for us to get out.
We had a decent light meal, went to "Jacks", an excellent little fast food place with the best ice cream for R and then on the Walmart for a few things.
Rain started spattering the windshield as we turned to leave the parking lot and the light was very strange in the west. I got a great shot of it. It was brown and grey and eerie and the sun shine very bright through it,
Then as we drove home by the back roads, the rain started coming down heavily and to the east there was a full rainbow, with a few shades of a second one.
Got home and took some shots from the balcony. The rainbow was fading but the sky and clouds were wonderful colours - gold, purple, pink. As the rain moved further east, a beautiful blue with white clouds appeared from the south and the air was so fresh.
Simple things but they made our day.
You have a difficult situation, and you are likely to want comments on various things for some time. It’s best on your own thread, so that it all hangs together. Yours, Margaret
Your siblings from neighboring states not helping is very common . I’m 1of 5 . I alone 95% of the time took care of my parents for over a decade in their home . However I did not live with them . I had a rule , I went home every night to my own home and family . When they could not be alone overnight they were placed in a care home .
Others will tell you that you can not expect siblings to help . You are choosing to do this . That does not mean that they have to help.
Your siblings may see this as your problem . You chose this arrangement and you do have a way out , but you do not want to place Mom in care yet.
You may be feeling resentful that you are the one preserving inheritance for everyone , meanwhile you did all the work .
Unfortunately , these situations are common . Each persons view of the situation can differ .
I agree , your mother is likely not going to change her ways at her age .
I wish you luck in this . Let us know if you found any ways to make this work for your family , because it is not working now .
I did not take my parents into my house . I used their money for their care . For me inheritance wasn’t worth it . It was difficult caring for my parents . But I did get to come home to the privacy of my own home. That was priceless .
I wish you had found us sooner before you took Mom in and now Mom is contributing to the mortgage which fuels your mother’s thoughts that she can be the matriarch . Many of us would have advised you not to do this living arrangement .
Remember you do have a way out when you need it . At least your Mom does have money for a care home . Your physical health , mental health , marriage , and children not living in a house full of stress matter .