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Sounds like your MIL caused a few headaches for you. It happens.
I am extremely grateful that my mom or my mother in law were angels. Neither of them tried to take over our wedding. In fact, they were absolutely wonderful, in every way. I had issues with my mom about other things, but not my wedding.
I said the same thing as you did. No kids! The only children at my wedding were the children in my wedding party. Period! I limited the number of guests too.
I picked out everything. No one objected to anything. Everyone respected that it was my day. The bride and groom are the people who are getting married, not their parents or any other family members.
Some couples aren’t so fortunate as we were and it’s a nightmare. I’m so sorry that you endured that. You are not alone though. Surely, you’ve heard all the stories too. I’ve heard a ton of them. Planning a wedding is stressful. I see why some people just elope! LOL. No one needs others interfering in their big day!
I want to share a funny story with you. We were at the jewelry store. We were picking out my engagement ring. Well, I had my hand stretched out looking at a ring that I admired.
I was crazy in love so I wasn’t paying attention to anything but my fiancé and the rings that we were looking at.
All of a sudden I hear this familiar voice standing behind me saying, “That’s a lovely ring.” I knew the voice but it didn’t register with me. I turned around and saw my future MIL and she said, “I knew this day was coming and I couldn’t be happier. I have never seen my son look at any other young woman the way he looks at you. I just came in for a watch battery but I don’t want to interfere with your private moment.” She bought the battery and promptly left, giving us our privacy.
She told me afterwards that she saw us immediately when she entered the jewelry store and didn’t know what to do, whether to walk out or stay.
She said she decided to stay and wish us well, but then scoot away quickly so we could have our privacy.
That was my MIL. She told me from day one that she would never interfere and she kept her word. She was lovely.
It is so sad that her MIL and her mom were always mean to her. She always said that if she were blessed with a daughter in law she would never treat them like she was treated. She told people that I was her daughter. She had sons, no daughters She always wanted a daughter. I became her daughter. She was someone that I was proud to call ‘mom.’
I adored my MIL. She died too young with non Hodgkin’s lymphoma but for 15 years I had the best MIL and grandmother to my daughter that I could have ever had. My child was 5 when she died. She died before my youngest one was born.
WorriedinCali: Wow! Your MIL story takes the cake! No pun intended! Your SIL stood her ground on the big poofy wedding gown! And MIL didn't want you to have a white bouquet? Sounds like is not a happy woman? Yeah, the bridesmaids' gowns story - I agree!
Sometimes it’s the mothers that turn the daughters in to a bridezilla! My MIL was very frugal. So was her partner. Annoyingly so at times but they were smart with their money. Anyway.....when my SIL was planning her wedding (that she & her fiancé were paying for), MIL and her partner felt a wedding dress was a waste of money and there was big disagreement when SIL refused to wear my MILs wedding dress!! As in, the big poofy 1970s frock she wore when she married her ex-husband! I wasn’t there for this one but my exSIL took MIL and SIL to her friends jewelry shop to look for jewelry for SIL & the braidsmaids. Inexpensive bead jewelry, not diamonds or precious stones. Anyway....apparently my MIL threw a fit because she didn’t want SIL buying the jewelry, said it was a waste of money! And when SIL said said too bad, I’m buying it, my MIL said she was being a bridezilla!!
When I was planning my wedding.....she complained about my bouquet. It was all white and she threw a fit because “all white flowers are for funerals”. We also exchanged words over the length of the bridesmaid dresses. All 3 bridesmaids were short, 5’1-5’3” with SIL being the tallest so the dresses hit at an awkward length. They were supposed to hit just below the knee but Hit at mid-calf. Really looked silly! MIL got mad when I said they’d have to be hemmed a few inches shorter. And the worst one was.....she came with us to the golf & country club to book the reservation and go over the meal plan. She was personally offended when I decided it would be adults only. We were having 225 guests and....to allow kids, it would have added a few thousand to the bill. My parents were paying for the reception not my MIL. And there were no kids on that side of the family anyway but she got mad when I said no kids! And then s*%> really hit the fan on the drive home when she asked my husband who was going to be the best man and he gave the wrong answer! He said he was going to ask his best friend but hadn’t yet because he didn’t want to hurt his brothers feelings. His best friend had and always has been more of a brother to him than his own brother. He’s been there for us more than my BIL has. Anyway....MIL lost her mind. Started yelling at him. said his best friend couldn’t be the best man, that it has to be his brother. Apparently there’s some unspoken rule that your brother MUST be your best man. Believe me when I say, it was bad. She had her own idea of what common traditions are and this was no exception. Being the best man, as far as she was concerned, was my BILs right. So my husband ended up asking BIL to be the best man. And it was really no surprise when he neglected to arrange the bachelor party, neglected to attend the party arranged by the other groomsmen. All he did was rent a tux and show up for the wedding. My hubby’s best friends, the other 2 groomsMen, did everything at the wedding. My BIL did absolutely nothing. Didn’t even buy a gift! And the reason I mention that is because he got married 2 months after we did and he had the nerve to ask my husband for $1200 because he and exSIL booked a photographer and picked the most expensive photo package. The photos cost more than the dress and the reception combined! They couldn’t afford the photo package so they had to get the money from a few family members. My husband gave him the money too! And now they are in the middle of a divorce LMAO!!
My exSIL was dealt her fair share of MILs antics and all I can say is.....if my SILs and I were bridezillas, it was my MILs fault!!!
My friend who has the daughter who is the wedding planner for the super wealthy here says it isn’t the brides that are the problems. It is the bride’s mothers! They want to control their daughter’s weddings which is such a shame. It isn’t their wedding. It’s their daughter’s special day. I never did get parents who live vicariously through their children. It’s horribly unfair to their kids.
Needhelpwithmom, I love king of queens too!! I’m also watching reruns of married with children, Maude, and All in the family. I love those reruns and they always make me laugh.
NHWM: Thank you so much! I hear you on expensive weddings. I paid for 3 weddings - my 2 and our daughter's. My mother did not have much money. Kissing frogs - ha ha. Good for your daughter's friend!
Yeah, I did not have an extravagant wedding either. It was nice, the size was limited and I did not want to go into debt for our wedding! Not a good way to start a relationship.
I totally agree with you on these over the top destination weddings! Who wants to pay a ton of money to attend these weddings? It’s ridiculous! Oh gosh, your child would have been miserable flying to your brother’s wedding and back home. I would not have done that either.
I am not naive. I realize not all marriages will work out but why in the world would a couple want to spend money they don’t have for a wedding? Going into debt for a wedding is absurd.
If a person is stinking rich, so what? In that case, knock yourself out! I was NOT stinking rich and I wasn’t interested in spending a crazy amount of money. It was a beautiful wedding but not all this crazy fanfare. Know what I mean?
I couldn’t agree more about the nonsense that big, splashy, over-the-top weddings have become. And, of course there are the “destination” weddings.
My brother got his shorts in a nasty bunch because no one on his side of the family flew to Hawaii - on their own dime - to attend his (second) wedding. I was a single parent at the time and Rainman was around 3yrs old - and newly diagnosed with severe autism. Going to Hawaii was so beyond my financially means at the time - never mind carting around an autistic toddler who still wasn’t walking. And a five hour plane ride with said toddler? Forget about it!
But - I digress...
My first wedding - to The Donor - was relatively small. But it was very beautiful. An outdoor wedding on a perfect day in May at The Columbia Gorge Hotel (worth a google if you love big ole’ fancy buildings). But my point - over half of the guests were my parents friends. Our marriage lasted 2 1/2 years.
About nine years later current hubby and I decided to marry. We told three people - two of which were my parents so we could arrange for them to watch Rainman for a week - and off we flew to Las Vegas. The entire wedding - which included a limo to take us to the courthouse for the license and then to the chapel- cost around $400. That included a bouquet and pics!
Hubby and I married with only the officiant and two supplied witnesses. It was hands down the most romantic moment of my life. And here we are 20+ years later.
Sorry. I carry on - without saying anything about TV. Guess I’m just in need of thinking of a happier time. I guess, I could mention the TV show about “Bride-zillas”... Only watch that train wreck once and unfortunately- that’s 60 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.
Sometimes we kiss a couple of frogs before finding our prince.
I feel sorry for couples who had to cancel their wedding due to coronavirus.
I was reading about marriage the other day. An article about these huge, expensive weddings that usually end up in divorce and couples who had more sensibly priced weddings seemed to have solid marriages. It was an interesting article.
My friend’s daughter is a wedding planner for the super wealthy. They spend a minimum of a million dollars on their weddings! I can’t imagine spending that much money on a wedding. Crazy to me.
NHWM: A big Congratulations on your Wedding Anniversary. How great! Hubby and I will celebrate 39 years in June. I got a late start as my first husband was a bad person.
NeedsHelp - I know how you feel regarding your anniversary.
Rainmans birthday is tomorrow. Hard to believe my baby will be turning 27!
Im horrible about putting photos in any format beyond a large envelope but my hubby has been scanning pics into his computer for years - thank goodness! Yesterday we were looking at many of them from Rainmans childhood. It was so sweet - up until I got all weepy over them. Seems like everything and anything has me in tears these days!
Anyhoo - not sure how we’ll make the occasion at home. I don’t have the ingredients or tools to make a cake. But - I’m thinking maybe some ice cream with a candle in it will do. I almost never let Rainman have that - he and dairy are not really on friendly terms but he does love it.
So, perhaps one big scoop. I don’t really like the idea of postponing the event as life is fragile enough these days - and when it comes down to it - Rainman, his dad and myself are all together and healthy at this point in time and that seems like reason enough to me - to celebrate!
gatha Christie mysteries to A Tale of Two Cities with Ronald Coleman; from hilarious exciting comedy like The Whole Town's talking with Edward g. Robinson to family drama like Our Vines Have tender Grapes with Margaret o'brian.Such terrific variety of true family entertainment, Even some early fifties films like Wait until Dark and The Thrill of It All are great too.
I know what you’re saying. Actually, you said it perfectly. It’s about spending time with each other for each other, not to impress anyone else. It looks rehearsed or contrived. All for show! Just seems fake.
I’m sure it’s sweet for some people though. I agree with you. I don’t like these productions. They post everything on social media!
When I was dating my now husband we started sharing little things about our lives.
I told him about a playground that I loved going to when I was little. He wanted to see it.
Well, after dinner we drove there so he could see it. I hadn’t been there since I was a child. I was so happy that it was exactly as it was when I was a girl.
I immediately ran over to the swings. He giggled as he watched me swinging. Here was this serious minded engineering student looking at a free spirit like me.
When I stopped swinging and he stood in front of me and stooped down to kiss me.
I knew that I was falling for him and I hoped he felt the same way about me. Then he said, “You are the lady of my dreams.” He melted my heart.
It was at night, so absolutely no one else was at the playground. It was just the two of us. It was a special moment just between us. No one else was there and that is what made it personal.
I would never have wanted to be with the guy that would have an airplane write in the sky, “Would you marry me?” Yeah, some women may be flattered by that. I like that all of our special moments were private. They weren’t meant to be shared.
Exactly NHWM. True bonding may be different to everyone but putting your skits and so on out on social media is almost exploiting the situation. Maybe I'm jaded but I can't help wondering if some of these people are just trying to gain a following of some kind. To each his/her own but...............maybe parents could try doing a jigsaw puzzle or crafts like in the old days to bond while this is all going on.
I'm with you on that NHWM. I hate seeing animals like that too. I get physically ill when I see anything where animals get hurt. Even those wildlife shows where they show antelope getting attacked by lions etc. I just can't watch them.
On another note, this is probably going to sound mean and heartless but I am so sick of seeing youtube videos of families singing and sharing little skits etc. because they are bored self isolating. Some might find it charming and sweet. I find them nauseating. Sorry, don't shoot me!
Watched The Greatest Showman with Hugh Jackman recently, a musical. I don't watch too many musicals, but it was pretty good. Beautiful costumes, dancing, good story.
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APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
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APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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Sounds like your MIL caused a few headaches for you. It happens.
I am extremely grateful that my mom or my mother in law were angels. Neither of them tried to take over our wedding. In fact, they were absolutely wonderful, in every way. I had issues with my mom about other things, but not my wedding.
I said the same thing as you did. No kids! The only children at my wedding were the children in my wedding party. Period! I limited the number of guests too.
I picked out everything. No one objected to anything. Everyone respected that it was my day. The bride and groom are the people who are getting married, not their parents or any other family members.
Some couples aren’t so fortunate as we were and it’s a nightmare. I’m so sorry that you endured that. You are not alone though. Surely, you’ve heard all the stories too. I’ve heard a ton of them. Planning a wedding is stressful. I see why some people just elope! LOL. No one needs others interfering in their big day!
I want to share a funny story with you. We were at the jewelry store. We were picking out my engagement ring. Well, I had my hand stretched out looking at a ring that I admired.
I was crazy in love so I wasn’t paying attention to anything but my fiancé and the rings that we were looking at.
All of a sudden I hear this familiar voice standing behind me saying, “That’s a lovely ring.” I knew the voice but it didn’t register with me. I turned around and saw my future MIL and she said, “I knew this day was coming and I couldn’t be happier. I have never seen my son look at any other young woman the way he looks at you. I just came in for a watch battery but I don’t want to interfere with your private moment.” She bought the battery and promptly left, giving us our privacy.
She told me afterwards that she saw us immediately when she entered the jewelry store and didn’t know what to do, whether to walk out or stay.
She said she decided to stay and wish us well, but then scoot away quickly so we could have our privacy.
That was my MIL. She told me from day one that she would never interfere and she kept her word. She was lovely.
It is so sad that her MIL and her mom were always mean to her. She always said that if she were blessed with a daughter in law she would never treat them like she was treated. She told people that I was her daughter. She had sons, no daughters She always wanted a daughter. I became her daughter. She was someone that I was proud to call ‘mom.’
I adored my MIL. She died too young with non Hodgkin’s lymphoma but for 15 years I had the best MIL and grandmother to my daughter that I could have ever had. My child was 5 when she died. She died before my youngest one was born.
When I was planning my wedding.....she complained about my bouquet. It was all white and she threw a fit because “all white flowers are for funerals”. We also exchanged words over the length of the bridesmaid dresses. All 3 bridesmaids were short, 5’1-5’3” with SIL being the tallest so the dresses hit at an awkward length. They were supposed to hit just below the knee but Hit at mid-calf. Really looked silly! MIL got mad when I said they’d have to be hemmed a few inches shorter. And the worst one was.....she came with us to the golf & country club to book the reservation and go over the meal plan. She was personally offended when I decided it would be adults only. We were having 225 guests and....to allow kids, it would have added a few thousand to the bill. My parents were paying for the reception not my MIL. And there were no kids on that side of the family anyway but she got mad when I said no kids! And then s*%> really hit the fan on the drive home when she asked my husband who was going to be the best man and he gave the wrong answer! He said he was going to ask his best friend but hadn’t yet because he didn’t want to hurt his brothers feelings. His best friend had and always has been more of a brother to him than his own brother. He’s been there for us more than my BIL has. Anyway....MIL lost her mind. Started yelling at him. said his best friend couldn’t be the best man, that it has to be his brother. Apparently there’s some unspoken rule that your brother MUST be your best man. Believe me when I say, it was bad. She had her own idea of what common traditions are and this was no exception. Being the best man, as far as she was concerned, was my BILs right. So my husband ended up asking BIL to be the best man. And it was really no surprise when he neglected to arrange the bachelor party, neglected to attend the party arranged by the other groomsmen. All he did was rent a tux and show up for the wedding. My hubby’s best friends, the other 2 groomsMen, did everything at the wedding. My BIL did absolutely nothing. Didn’t even buy a gift! And the reason I mention that is because he got married 2 months after we did and he had the nerve to ask my husband for $1200 because he and exSIL booked a photographer and picked the most expensive photo package. The photos cost more than the dress and the reception combined! They couldn’t afford the photo package so they had to get the money from a few family members. My husband gave him the money too! And now they are in the middle of a divorce LMAO!!
My exSIL was dealt her fair share of MILs antics and all I can say is.....if my SILs and I were bridezillas, it was my MILs fault!!!
My friend who has the daughter who is the wedding planner for the super wealthy here says it isn’t the brides that are the problems. It is the bride’s mothers! They want to control their daughter’s weddings which is such a shame. It isn’t their wedding. It’s their daughter’s special day. I never did get parents who live vicariously through their children. It’s horribly unfair to their kids.
Some of those old shows were great. I giggle too.
Yeah, I did not have an extravagant wedding either. It was nice, the size was limited and I did not want to go into debt for our wedding! Not a good way to start a relationship.
I totally agree with you on these over the top destination weddings! Who wants to pay a ton of money to attend these weddings? It’s ridiculous! Oh gosh, your child would have been miserable flying to your brother’s wedding and back home. I would not have done that either.
I am not naive. I realize not all marriages will work out but why in the world would a couple want to spend money they don’t have for a wedding? Going into debt for a wedding is absurd.
If a person is stinking rich, so what? In that case, knock yourself out! I was NOT stinking rich and I wasn’t interested in spending a crazy amount of money. It was a beautiful wedding but not all this crazy fanfare. Know what I mean?
I couldn’t agree more about the
nonsense that big, splashy, over-the-top weddings have become. And, of course there are the “destination” weddings.
My brother got his shorts in a nasty bunch because no one on his side of the family flew to Hawaii - on their own dime - to attend his (second) wedding. I was a single parent at the time and Rainman was around 3yrs old - and newly diagnosed with severe autism. Going to Hawaii was so beyond my financially means at the time - never mind carting around an autistic toddler who still wasn’t walking. And a five hour plane ride
with said toddler? Forget about it!
But - I digress...
My first wedding - to The Donor - was relatively small. But it was very beautiful. An outdoor wedding on a perfect day in May at The Columbia Gorge Hotel (worth a google if you love big ole’ fancy buildings). But my point - over half of the guests were my parents friends. Our marriage lasted 2 1/2 years.
About nine years later current hubby and I decided to marry. We told three people - two of which were my parents so we could arrange for them to watch Rainman for a week - and off we flew to Las Vegas. The entire wedding - which included a limo to take us to the courthouse for the license and then to the chapel- cost around $400. That included a bouquet and pics!
Hubby and I married with only the officiant and two supplied witnesses. It was hands down the most romantic moment of my life. And here we are 20+ years later.
Sorry. I carry on - without saying anything about TV. Guess I’m just in need of thinking of a happier time.
I guess, I could mention the TV show about “Bride-zillas”... Only watch that train wreck once and unfortunately- that’s 60 minutes of
my life I’ll never get back.
Congrats to you too. 39 years is a long time.
Sometimes we kiss a couple of frogs before finding our prince.
I feel sorry for couples who had to cancel their wedding due to coronavirus.
I was reading about marriage the other day. An article about these huge, expensive weddings that usually end up in divorce and couples who had more sensibly priced weddings seemed to have solid marriages. It was an interesting article.
My friend’s daughter is a wedding planner for the super wealthy. They spend a minimum of a million dollars on their weddings! I can’t imagine spending that much money on a wedding. Crazy to me.
Rainmans birthday is tomorrow. Hard to believe my baby will be turning 27!
Im horrible about putting photos in any format beyond a large envelope but my hubby has been scanning pics into his computer for years - thank goodness! Yesterday we were looking at many of them from Rainmans childhood. It was so sweet - up until I got all weepy over them. Seems like everything and anything has me in tears these days!
Anyhoo - not sure how we’ll make the occasion at home. I don’t have the ingredients or tools to make a cake. But - I’m thinking maybe some ice cream with a candle in it will do. I almost never let Rainman have that - he and dairy are not really on friendly terms but he does love it.
So, perhaps one big scoop. I don’t really like the idea of postponing the event as life is fragile enough these days - and when it comes down to it - Rainman, his dad and myself are all together and healthy at this point in time and that seems like reason enough to me - to celebrate!
Happy Anniversary, NeedsHelp!
https://www.9news.com/article/features/cute-fun-hedgehog-photos/73-48f63b28-ba54-410c-8d66-07a3aef05c48
He is the love of my life. April 22 is our anniversary. I had hoped to be able to do something special. Not this year, right?
We have a ‘stay at home’ order. Nothing is open. A strange coronavirus lingering about! Still feels so weird, like a sci-fi movie.
I do realize that it’s not ‘what’ we do or ‘where’ we are as long as we are together 💗. Will be 42 years!
I know what you’re saying. Actually, you said it perfectly. It’s about spending time with each other for each other, not to impress anyone else. It looks rehearsed or contrived. All for show! Just seems fake.
I’m sure it’s sweet for some people though. I agree with you. I don’t like these productions. They post everything on social media!
When I was dating my now husband we started sharing little things about our lives.
I told him about a playground that I loved going to when I was little. He wanted to see it.
Well, after dinner we drove there so he could see it. I hadn’t been there since I was a child. I was so happy that it was exactly as it was when I was a girl.
I immediately ran over to the swings. He giggled as he watched me swinging. Here was this serious minded engineering student looking at a free spirit like me.
When I stopped swinging and he stood in front of me and stooped down to kiss me.
I knew that I was falling for him and I hoped he felt the same way about me. Then he said, “You are the lady of my dreams.” He melted my heart.
It was at night, so absolutely no one else was at the playground. It was just the two of us. It was a special moment just between us. No one else was there and that is what made it personal.
I would never have wanted to be with the guy that would have an airplane write in the sky, “Would you marry me?” Yeah, some women may be flattered by that. I like that all of our special moments were private. They weren’t meant to be shared.
I can’t watch anything where animals are exploited or abused. Any suffering of animals just makes my heart break.
Yeah, I get it regarding some YouTube videos. A bit contrived. More like entertainment than genuine bonding.
On another note, this is probably going to sound mean and heartless but I am so sick of seeing youtube videos of families singing and sharing little skits etc. because they are bored self isolating. Some might find it charming and sweet. I find them nauseating. Sorry, don't shoot me!