Yesterday, I wake up to a phone call from MIL from overseas. The first words out her mouth were, “Why have you forgotten about me? Why don’t you call me?” Clearly the most narcissist, manipulative, gas lighting I ever heard. First, I’m not your child. You can’t be missing me that much. Second, I don’t have a problem with calling someone, but if I’m being forced to do it then I have a problem. I am not obliged to call you every day. I don’t call my own father every day! I have normal boundaries with my family. Third, always acting like she are hurt and dying to be with you, gas lighting. She is doing it because it’s good for her, because you’re the one that gives in to her every whim. Lastly, why aren’t you calling the other SIL saying how much you miss her? Could it be because you don’t really care except if it’s good for you? Years of this have been going on and I’m tired of it. Putting her nose in our marriage where it doesn’t belong. Telling me how to cook how to run my house. She does it all in a way that drives me crazy as if she’s some angel, only there to be helpful my a** .
If not, or you feel compelled to chat for politeness sake, then be polite. Keep the calls short & on topics that are 'safe'.
Any talk that strays into MIL has a problem - Oh. I see.
Any talk of everyone else being the bad guys - Oh, I see.
A wise poster a while back said she pictured the drama staying on the stage. She stayed impartial, in the audience.
If the call has too much drama, time for the curtain to close.
"Gott go now, speak later".
Maybe be honest. "Sorry MIL, I don't call because I do not particularly like you." I just read your first post and the one where u had a long talk with your husband. Funny how she needs to be sent to you because she may break up a marriage but its OK if your marriage breaks up. You live here why does Mom have so much influence over DH when she lives so far away? A cultural thing I guess.
All I can say is you laid it all out for your DH. Your just going to have to follow thru if he allows her to come here. Would you mind being the bad guy. DH could
tell family "Sorry, Mom cannot stay with us. She causes too much strife for my wife. And living on one salary, I can't afford to put her in an apt." Really, relatives are miles away. What are they going to do, put an 88 yr old woman otn a plane anyway?
We had Weary whose Mother came from India to live with her. Prior to that the woman did live in a Senior home. The only reason Weary brought her here was because brother would not check in on her and Mom was not being taken care of properly. Do you not have Senior home where MIL lives?
Its a shame people are like your MIL. That they feel they have to manipulate people to get what they want or need. Do they not realize that instead of mourning her when she is gone, you all will be relieved that she is gone.
I'm a second generation from immigrant Grandparents. I get that some of the cultural stuff dies hard. But die, it must.
You are not responsible for her happiness. You are not her entertainment committee. You are not her retirement plan. She is operating from an assumption and is outraged that you and hubs (and others) aren't living up to her expectations. She won't go down without a fight, so you'll need to be strong until she gives it up (or something else happens to her). Do NOT let her into your home, even if she is put on a plane and flies here. Do NOT.