Advice on how to deal with live-in mother?

Dear Donna, you should have a chance for happiness with your male friend, if thats what you want. Our mothers are very selfish and think life only revolve around them. If you want to cook, clean or iron his shirts thats up to you. Unfortunately, you sound just like me and even if you speak your peace it gets you no where. I often just want to tell everyone, I don't want to do this anymore, but don't know how I will feel later after I cause the scene that will probably break up my relationship with my parents forever. My mother is not a forgiving person, unless its my brothers. I feel such a deep connection with you and Cindi. I have a friend who is your age taking care of her mentally disabled 38 year old son and her mother-in-law and she can hardly go any more. My biggest fear is that this caretaking business could last that long. You should be enjoying your life. How old is your mother? How sick is she? God has somehow punished me, before the Hurricane took everything I owned, I said that I could never take care of both of my parents together, it would drive me crazy. Poof, I had to do it. I also said I would never live where I'm living now, in the boon docks so to speak, and Poof, I'm living somewhere I would have never thought I would be. Losing everything, I could handle, everybody did, but I don't feel blessed to have these situations, I didn't want to begin with. Before the Hurricane my mom and dad lived in their own home and I whined every day because I had to go 10 miles back and forth about 4 times a day to tend to their needs. Well, that was a breeze compared to this. I will go in a nursing home also, before my children ever have to go through this. I will put it in writing in case I lose my mind. One of my friends said it was terrible of me to say that I hope I die if I have to do this much longer. She said what about your children? My children is the only reason I wake up in the morning. Love to you Marylynne

I have no one to come in if I could take a vacation or go for a few days. I have my Aunt come over when I have an Appt. for my Mom. But she is 85 yrs old my Dad's sister, she likes to sit and talk to him when noone else can listen. I was looking into calling someplace that can send someone when we plan to go on vacation in July.
I had to put my dog down just before christmas and I said I wasn't going to get any more pets until something happened to my parents. My son wants a cat and talks about it at the dinner table, it only starts trouble with my mom she always find the negative things about a pet. I don't need anybody telling me when to clean the litter box, that it meows too much etc. My mom just came and told me I can get a cat if thats what I and my son want. I have permission girls, I'm 44 yrs old and my mom just gave me permission to get a cat.
Donna, its too bad that your mom can't see that you are happy when your male friend is with you.That is a change in your normal routine thats why you don't mind doing things for him and he appreciates it. My mom still doesn't see that my husband makes me happy, she hates him.
I am an only child so I don't have to worry about siblings, sometimes I wish i had them though, but it probably would be the same. oxoxo, Judy

Dear judy,

Feel like I have to get permission for everything also and I'm 46. Go ahead with your pet, unless you think it will hinder you from taking vacation. I know my parents are not the only thing that hinders me from vacation. I have to take my little Yorkie with me everywhere I go. Pets are such unconditional love. I don't know what I would do without mine. When I cry in the morning, she licks my tears away. Do what's good for you. I can't find anyone to stay with my parents either for vacations.

luv, Marylynne

Marylynne what a pretty name you have, I used to wrap my arms around my big lovable dog's neck and give her a big hug when I was down, I miss her sooooo much.
My Mom used to yell at her and she never showed her any kindness and the dog knew to keep her distance. That was just because it was our dog and not hers if she would have had her own dog nothing it would have done would have been wrong.
Cats are pretty independant that why it would be better then getting another dog right now. I tell the kids that there are many years left in their lives for pets and I won't tell them what they can have when they are on their own.
Where does eveyone find alittle comfort? I have some fish believe me I find comfort watching them, fish have character. We also have a turtle and a hamster which were the kids but guess who feeds them.
What I worry about most is that I like a cocktail every now and then and I really have to restrain myself from starting an alcohol habit. Sometimes the stress is soooooooooo bad that I need a drink. So far I have been able to handle it. But now that I am able to chat on here with all of you my stress may be alittle less.
OXOXOX Judy

Judy, Wish I liked alcohol. Don't like the taste, but People are trying to talk me into having a few drinks to take the edge off. You girls are what I look forward to every day now. You just don't know what ya'll have done for me. I'm showing my southern drawl. I can get by some of my day as long as I can go home and check to see about your and the other girls' day. Love, Marylynne

Hi Ladies! Well, I just logged on and it's late here almost 12:00am. Been a busy day. Let's see if I can keep this short and sweet. Donna, I am glad you have a gentleman friend, there is nothing immoral or wrong about that and I hate it that your mother puts it in a dirty vain. Tell Mom that you are not doing anything immoral and that you feel it's mean of her to talk to you or about you like that. That she wouldn 't want you to talk badly about her. Anything that makes you happy is a good thing why would you want to make it ugly and dirty, Mother. That is bad. Especially when I take such good care of you. Why do you talk this way. Please stop it. Find someone to let you have some time off sweetie, you need it! Tell Mom that you won't be able to continue if you don't get out some.
Marylynne, after reading your entries I would suggest never saying never again!!! Brought you nothing but no good! I am afraid to say never cause usually it comes true! I understand what you mean about your mother not being a forgiving person. You are afraid that she will have nothing to do with you unless you do everything her way. Doing this is tearing you up though. Maybe it's time for some boundaries that begin with Mother I love you, but...the but could be I need more time away..etc etc..could be this situition is wearing me down so how can we do it to make it more workable. Or, maybe you can think of ways to make it work better for you and tell you mother that you need to try things this way because you are at the end of your rope and you want to be there for her but things need to be done differently...otherwise mother I will not be able to take care of you anymore and I don't want to do that. To Judy, yes it is ridiculous that mom says you can have a cat if you want. I have a feeling she thought that was big of her! More like thank you Mother, I'm happy we have your support if we get the cat it will make things much easier if you are accepting. Get a cat if you think life will be better for you all and if that's what you want! Judy, maybe Mom is jealous or envious of your husband and your relationship and that is why she hates him. Judy please be careful about the alcohol not worth it! If you have to drink to take care of Mom..maybe time for mom to go. I do have to tell you girls that my vice is food. I am overweight by a lot. Enough that I am considering a gastric bypass this year who will take care of them then?! But, I have been overweight for some time mostly due to being emotional and having a family that always has some kind of chaos going on...this only adds to it. On top of which..well let's just say I have had a few bad hardships the last few years will go into that later. We have a beagle named Oliver. He is my daughter's dog. She will be coming home tomorrow!!! Spring break from college. Looking forward to seeing her. Thank god, my spirits were better today. I think this perimenopause thing is affecting my emotions. Got very irritated at Mother two times today. Happens alot at dinner time. Husband is snoring...I better go! Hugs to all of you! Have an endocrinologist appt tomorrow am. Will leave mother and father alone for an hour or so..Have a good day!

good morning ladies!! well, i am going to try to be positive today. Hope it works out for me. cindi, i think that it is wonderful that you are thinking of doing something good for yourself. You deserve it. I used to be overweight somewhat, but since I have been caring for my mom, i feel like eating rarely, usually too aggravated to eat. And on the dog thing, a lady offered me a 2 pound yorkie while back, and i would have loved to have taken it, but, my mom said that she never had a dog in the house and never would. so, i turned it down. anything for mommy dearest.yesterday my friend was here and he was being very nice and attentive to her and she just very bluntly said, I dont want you calling here after 7 at night and before 9 in the morning. it disturbs me. I was not only embarassed by her hateful attitude, i was angry. he took it with a grain of salt tho. you asked how sick she is? not much. Her mind is not as sharp as it used to be, she has some trouble walking, and most always will not use a cane or walker, for what reason i have no idea. There is no reason that she cannot stay alone "in her chair" while i do things i have to do. She had colon cancer a few years ago, but, it is no longer there. Her main affliction is her meanness. and need to control. anyway today it is going to be a lovely day, and i am not going to let her make me aggravated or hurt my feelings. luvya all, donna

Good for you Donna, choose to be the bigger person and not play into the criticism.
I have the drink thing under control every now and then I sneak a rum and coke to take the edge off or a glass of wine.
Cindi, full concentration on your daughter enjoy your time with her.
marylynne, couldn't wait also to get on and read what you had to say, since it is easter break the kids are going to tie up the computer. I will demand my time on it though Ha Ha. Pretty quiet around here with the old folks today they must not be feeling good. We're expecting a snow storm starting tonight hopefully its our last. Hope everyones Easter is pleasant oxoxox Judy

Hey girls, I think the positive thing is a good idea. I can seem to do it sometime, but other times it gets to me soooooo bad. Brought Mom to get her hair done today, which by the way is a weekly thing. So lets see now, had 3 doctor appointments with them this week and a weekly hair thing. Oh, yeah, I still don't do anything. Did I mention to you girls that I have a 20 year old daughter too. She is not coming in for spring break. I'm paying for her to share an apartment with 5 other girls and she stays with her boyfriend in his apartment. She is coming back home to live next semester and thinks the boyfriend is going to sleep by my house every night. Told her boyfriend is not allowed to sleep over. Have to set a good example for my 12 year old daughter. So if she wants him she needs to get a job and live on her own. Right before the storm, I couldn't wait for this kid to graduate because she caused such havoc in the house. She finally graduates and goes to college and then I get the dredded old people. Well have to go feed the troops. Truly, have a Happy Easter Cindi, Judy and Donna. Love to you girls, Marylynne

hello girls,
still trying to be positive, but somehow it is difficult. I have to go pick up my son today, he has spent a week with his brother in tulsa. it is about 2 hour drive. I want her to ride with me to get him, but she says she doesnt want to. now that means hurry hurry hurry to get back here to make sure she is ok. I havent felt well for the past two days, and she has been fairly nice, knowing that i do not feel like doing much. HAPPY EASTER to u my friends, hope the bunny brings all the things you need. love, donna

Hi, I can't seem to convince my Dad that you have to do things the way the Doctor wants so we don't have any more injuries.I wish I could give him his way but i am so afraid after all that I have been through one wroug move could send us back to square one.
My oldest graduates high school and starts colege in Oct. at a local college still will have him at home though he is gone most of the time. I too have to remind him that he is setting an example for his younger brother. My 15 yr.old is the opposite of the 18 year old. Though they are good boys, can be thankful for that.
My mom has decided not to speak to my husband, he doesn't mind. She must not be feeling good because the complaining has been less. My Aunt had a few words with her about how much I do around here and that I drive my car around for them. My Dad compensates me but my mom doesn't. Again thats what I'm here for. Take care all of you oxoxox Judy

Hi Judy, Donna, Marylynne: Was was tired last night just read your postings and went to bed. My Mother made a comment yesterday to me about how she probably should live in a senior home instead of here because that way I can do what I want. She was referring to the fact that my grand-daughters ages 4 and 6 and their mother (whom she does not like) would be coming over today to celebrate Easter early. Mind you, she came from an active senior residence place and moved in here November because she didn't like living alone with no family. She says these words whenever she is not pleased. I simply answered her with Mom, do whatever you like whatever you think you should. I said I am going to have them over sometimes. I can't not have my granddaughters over at all. I can't live like that. She responded no, I wasn't saying that. She said well just leave me alone in my room then. What does she have against, Jessica (mother of my grand daughters?) the fact that she doesn't always say thank you to her personally in the past when she has bought things for my grandchildren. Also, one time when my son (who passed away in 2005 at age 26) was separated from Jessica. My mother saw her in a Macy's where she works and Jessica did not say hello instead she was talking to a customer about her father who is an ex-cop. My Mother said she didn't say hello to me but was bragging about that good for nothing father of hers. What's the big deal he was a policeman. How many people did he cheat? Such attitude my mother has when she does not care for someone. It doesn't take much for her not to like you. My sister who I swear has BPD...(borderline personality disorder) is the same way. But, they came over and we had a good time. My daughter and I baked easter cupcakes last night. Her girlfriend came over and they dyed eggs. We hid the eggs and had an egg hunt. I had easter baskets for them and I brought in Some real good carne asada burritos for lunch. Grandkids are gone now and I have to do dinner. Ugh... Mother said to me this am as I was doing the baskets...Oh looks like you have kids again. I said yes, I do...(snickering)...I knew she was talking negative..because she is often sarcastic. And this is her way of donversing cause she has a hard time saying something positive most times. She said well enjoy it then, and I said I will. I like to do this. I forgot to put on her pain patches and it was afternoon, I brought in some pizza for her lunch and she said you are so busy you forgot all about putting on my patches...(in a sarcastic way) I said yep, well mom you could have reminded me...she says you were too busy. My husband told me I am an angel for all the snotty talk I get from my mom. some days I take it better then some days I will to screammmmmmmmmmmmm. Happy Easter to all of you and your beloved families. Are you all cooking or going out for Easter? I am cooking.

Boy, I sure am wordy huh?! Dinner is over and done. Thank God. On the positive note, Mom was pleased with her dinner. She is a difficult one to feed so it was a good feeling for me. Daughter is getting ready to go out with her friends. Always nice to have her home.

Hey girls, I read all about your day and mine was about as normal as yours. My mother seems to think when I'm tired, I should forget about doing homework with my 12 year old. She says, Oh she is old enough to do that on her own. She says go and rest. the truth is, she just wants me rested up for what she needs. I told her I am supposed to help my child and I like it. I learn something from doing homework. She was sick today, so I cooked dinner for tomorrow. My husband misses out on going out with his family, but can't leave my mother and father alone on a holiday, I'm sure you know all about that one. Donna, know about those rides they don't want to go on, but makes you have to rush to get back to them. How miserable. I woke up this morning and vomited from nervousness with what the day will bring. I have decided one thing that might help you Judy. I use to watch every move my dad made transferring from wheelchair to bed and so on. I don't want nothing else to happen that I will have to take care of, if you know what I mean, but.....I figure what ever is going to happen will happen and I have just made up my mind that the next thing that does happen that incapacitates him the next step is the nursing home. I will not be using one of the cranes and so forth. My Dad lives in a double car garage that I turned into quite a nice apartment. Only problem is I have to lift him over a step to allow him to use the bathroom for No.2. Well my dad would spend his life on the toilet. So sometimes several times a day, I am lifting him over this step and He is DEAD WEIGHT. He has a commode, but I love being greeted with a Bag of Crap that he hands me when he uses it. I use trash bags in the commode so I don't have to empty it. Love my life.... On a better note and I didn't mean to gross yall out, Happy Easter and Love, Marylynne

Hi my friends,
Easter today, and i feel lonely. yes, cindi, my mom kept me from my grandkids for many years, now they are nearly grown, and i dont have the opportunity anymore, and i am so sorry that i let her make me miss out on thier childhood years. She says they make her nervous, and they are as sweet as can be to her. DONT LET YOUR MOM MAKE YOU MISS OUT TOO. Friday morning, i went with a friend who was getting new teeth made. the denturist is a friend of mine and he gives my friends a better deal, so i went. first of all, my mother said, they should be giving you a salary for going down there all the time. i said well, we are going in her car, and wont be gone long. of course i could see the hatred in her eyes when i left. when i returned, she had all the doors locked. i didnt take my keys, as i was riding with someone else, so, i had to ring doorbell until she decided to unlock door to let me in. then, later on, when i came in the house, i noticed that she had closed the door to my bedroom, i asked why, and she said well, i didnt want any one to see that mess if they came in. well, no one comes to see the mean old heifer anyway, it was just something she did out of spite. now today, i am going to a baby shower for my best friends granddaughter, and she said well, what did you get to take to the shower, and i showed her the gift. she said well, how much did that cost? i said 10 dollars, she said well, 10 dollars means a lot to me. you throw money around like it is water. now she is pouting because i am going to the shower. i am going to start going whenever i feel like it. she can just stuff it for my part. if she wants to lock me out, then, i wont come back. next time it happens, i am going to come in, pack my bag and leave and go to my sons in tulsa for a few days and see how she likes having to fend for herself. Marylynne, i know what you mean about the crap. my mother had 16 inches of her colon removed, therefore always has diarrhea, and she get it on the shower curtain, the floor, the vanity, and especially the stool. she never bothers to try to clean up after herself. i have to do that several times each day. Have 3 spare shower curtains, because i know i will have to wash them at least once a week. i am sorry, i have nothing good to say about her today. love my life too. loveyall, donna p
ps another thing i have wanted to say and keep forgetting, she wont let me keep my hair dryer and curling iron on the vanity in the bathroom, says it looks awful, so i have to come in my room to do my hair and makeup, there fore, my dresser is messy, but, shouldnt bother that old witch.

Donna, I'm sorry you are feeling lonely today. Hope it gets better. Your Mother acts horribly to you (so does mine sometimes but we're talking about yours now). It's your life. You can go to a baby shower, help a friend, spend money on a gift if you want to. Noone told her what she could or could not do nor do they tell her now. She uses guilt and manipulaton to get back at you for not doing things the way "she wants you to do them." Perhaps, you are getting wiser, tired, and want to have more of your own life to live. Think it's a good idea if you decide to go take care of son next time she locks you out. Might be good to warn her what you are inclined to do the next time that happens so she will be forewarned and think twice. Yes, I do try to do and see my grandkids according to when I want. I seldom have energy so I see them about once or twice a month. Plus they see their other grandma alot. Like everyday. She helps her daughter out a lot more which makes sense. Plus I don't want childcare expected of me on top of everything else. Sorry, you missed your grandkids growing up. There is a limit what we do for these mothers. I guess that is the lesson in all this for us. Started making dinner already. Tired...daughter spent the night at her girlfriends. I don't like it when they don't come home and call you at 2 in the am and say I'm spending the night at friends. But, I did want her to spend more time with her girlfriends for awhile she was only connecting with her now ex-boyfriend. She needs more girl time. All her friends are boys...ugh! Well, most..except her two friends from home here. Hugs to you Donna! Hugs to you Judy...Hugs to you Marylynne...Happy Easter!

donna, I know exactly how you feel. You want to do the things you want, but they always make you feel guilty about what you are doing. I have not found that inner strength yet to fight the manipulation. I give in, in order to avoid a fight. Only, because I can't take the fight. She can fight good and it don't bother her in the least if any one is mad at her, but it bothers me if any one is mad at me. It causes me distress that I cannot handle. I have two houses right now. The one I am in I'm renting until the other house has its addition put on. I told her last fight we had that I was going to leave and go live in the other house, just to get a break. She had a fit. I feel like running away too. Don't you feel like just not going home.....I feel for you, I know that feeling. No one in my house understands that feeling. My husband keeps saying hold on, when in reality he is another person I just have to please. We are people pleasers, I don't want to have to please any one anymore but don't know how to do it. It's like changing your own personality. I Think Cindi, you have more strength, than I. I think you are more assertive. Wish I had that. Am at the end of my rope. Everytime I think I'm having an o.k. day, something happens that just throws me off. Love to all of you, Judy, Cindi and Donna on this Easter Sunday.......Love, Marylynne

Well easter is over, I cooked yesterday as always so i didn't do anything special. My Aunt and cousin came over for a short time. Dad having a pity party for the last two days.
Talk about the toliet habits, he has a comode in his room and used to use it for #1 and 2 but now that he can get to the regular bathroom during the day it helps. Its when he says I haven't gone in a couple days, they are just like babies. Now he is conjested and can't sleep at night, he was taking Musinex seemed to help but he stopped taking it because he was getting kidney pain.Had to deal with kidney stones with him since I was a little girl. He also has acid reflux. He coughs and chokes up stuff constantly. He had new dentures made last summer but the bottoms won't stay in tried eveything nothing works, so he wears no teeth everything has to be something he can chew. If I grind food up he doen't like it. He wants my homemade chicken soup all the time which I can't constantly make chicken soup.
looking forward to tommorrow yah right, oxoxo Judy

hi everyone, well the week has just begun and i am already looking forward to it being over with. went this morning took my mom to wal mart, picked up meds at drug store, got gas. i left her in wal mart to wander around aimlessly while i did the other stuff, and then she griped that she didnt have time to look at anything. my son and i went back for her and like to have never found her. then after wal mart, took her out to lunch at our local cafe. she saw a lot of people that she knows, and got to tell them about her 90th birthday party Saturday. she was very confused as to times and days of what was happening. when we got home she was worn out and is now in her room asleep. (which means, i will have her up and down all night.) ok, tomorrow is a free day, but wednesday is sons group, thursday the urologist, friday her beauty appointment, saturday, finally the darned party. then sunday i will still have company from the party. will have to cook. have decided to make a big lasagna and a green salad, and with birthday cake,that should be one good meal,. may make a pot of stew the next day, and call it good enough. at least so far today she has been nice to me. only flared up a time or two, and i was able to draw her attention to something else. Hope all of yalls day is going ok too. i guess i need to rest while i can, so will close for now. luv you judy, cindi, marylynne.

Hey Donna if you have a Costco near you they have a terrific meat lasagna and the price is right my Dad even likes it. I had to make an appt for Dad I think the broncitis he had last year is back taking him in tomorrow.
Did some grocery shopping, banking, and trip to the drug store where they know me by name, kinda sounds like CHEERS, have a pleasant birthday for mom you don't know how many more she may have but heck my Dad is 94, he's already saying he feels so bad that he might not make it to his next b-day june 30th. He's said that since he was 74. oxoxox Judy

Marylynne, I've become more assertive after 10 years of counseling off and on learning how to deal with my crazy, chaotic family, mostly Mother and Sister. Helps that mom lived with brother and then in senior residence. She can remember how she had it there and how it is better here. Had a good talk with her before she moved in. Plus she knows that I wouldn't let her live with me earlier. Just dad lived with me cause my counselor said it wouldn't be good for me. I also do not like people to not "be happy with me." But, I guess something clicked. I still have a hard time though. With mothers like ours it is never a bed of roses. As, I said in a previous post...it takes all the counseling I have had and learned to deal with Mother and then some.

Judy, sounds like you all had a nice Easter. My dad has problems with is dentures too. Can be real difficult them being able to eat. It is a lot of work making chicken soup. Good of you to make it for him. I'll see if I still have some recipes of foods that are easy to swallow and chew. Does he take anything for the acid reflux? Good you are taking him to the doctor to be checked. At their age any infection gets bad real fast. Most of the time they die from those kind of infections especially at age 94. Hard for them to fight it. Judy, maybe your dad might not be around much longer...he is up there and sounds like he is barely making it with the simple stuff like eating, bathroom. You have your work cut out for you. Your Dad's birthday is the day after mine!

Donna, I was tired before I read the postings and after reading yours I am exhausted!!! No wonder you want the week to be over it is action packed. I think it was sweet your mother telling friends at the cafe about her birthday party maybe she is looking forward to it even though she might never admit it to you. Sounds like your mother LOVES to complain like mine. I would have told my mother...all that time at the store and it still wasn't enough geez you gonna buy the whole store? HOw many hours you need several? You wouldn't last that long, Mom! I find if I throw something back at her kind of like in a teasing tone it downplays her complaining. Your menu sounds good right down to the stew the next day. How many people she inviting again? Hope you rest up in between cause you are going to need the energy. Glad she was easier on you today after the crap she put you through the other day she should be nicer. Maybe you won't give her a party at all if she isn't nicer, how's that...laughing...
Today, for me was take daughter to the optometrist for eye exam, spend over two hours there. She needed new glasses along with new contacts. Several hundred dollars later raced back home and gave dad a very very late breakfast. Mom said she offered to give him food but he refused it wanted to wait for me. Gave him a nice breakfast and apologized for being so late. He said nothing (which is a good thing) Got him ready to go and off we went, mom, dad, daughter and I to the bra shop which was closed. Then to lunch...sushi and japanese food, to Tillie's store for daughter, nordstrom rack for mom. Dad used his roller walker. Then home to drop off sushi. Then over to JC Penney where daughter tried on maybe 10 to 15 bras...search for the perfect bra. Stopped at gas station for mom's lotto which she plays EVERY day. Then home, where I warmed all the leftovers from Easter dinner, set table and had dinner. Helped clear table...daughter helped some too..husband washed dinner dishes. Gave dad dinner and bedtime meds...and cake and ice cream for desert in his room later. That was my day. Tomorrow daughter has a dental appt before she heads back to college...5 hour drive. Then at 2 mom has a beauty salon appt to die her hair...which is every 4 weeks. Need to plan and buy something for dinner..any ideas? Sometimes, I hate thinking about what else to cook esp cause mom so hard to please.

Hi Friends/fellow lady caregivers! Well just finished my grocery/menu for the next 6 days. Another full day ahead. Sad, that daughter is leaving she brings some youthfulness into the house even my mom talked to her a bit. Gonna do one thing that makes me happy today...i.e. have tea out on the porch, start a new book, maybe do a beauty treatment...my skin has been so neglected. Even my mom does a masque once a week! She always has been more frou frou so is my sister whom I am estranged from. Since my surgeries and the passing of my son and now parents here..done little or nothing to myself..getting wrinkly and crinkly and even dimply...laughin...on da body. Anyone have a magic wand? Ohhhhh calgon take me away...even for just a day. Happy Day Girls!

Hello everyone, I hope all of you had a decent Easter and are having as good a week as you can. I'm having another really bad day with my mom. We acknowledged that it was Easter this past weekend, but didn't do anything special. I don't know that there is anything I could do that would please her at this point. So why try anymore. I started this week on a positive note. I watch Joel Osteen on Sunday's and honestly put forth the best effort I can to be positive and believe in my heart that the Lord has me here for a reason. I made lunch for my mom and husband, yesterday and everything was going along fine until my husband asked a simple question. My mom took it the wrong way and was convinced that we had been talking behind her back and had rather she move out. Everything went down hill from there. Now she says that she needs to move, that she has worn out her welcome. We go through this at least once every other month. I told her as plainly as I possibly could that I have tried to make her happy, I try to watch what I say, what my husband says, but absolutely nothing I do is right. And I am tired of trying. I simply cannot make her happy. Both my husband and I love her very much, we love for her to be in our home. But she is convinced that she needs to move that we don't want her there anymore. And all this happened because I fixed lunch yesterday. Now does that make any sense whatsoever?? God help us, and God help her. I don't know how much longer I can live with the constant negativity.

Starting to sound like an echo in here to me. Talking to myself...anyways, little irritations that make you want to go away. Mother says to me, you going to have some lunch? Now, that might sound innocent enough but...this was said to me as I was entering the house from the garage after taking a load, putting a load in, hanging up the delicates, with my blouse all wet after bathing dad, only after I saw my daughter off and her friend on their 5 hour journey home. As I was making lunch for my parents....nothing big jenos pizza but hey it's still work. And this was after I asked mom if she had eaten lunch before I take her to get her hair done at 2:00 and she says..there is nothing to eat...so then I have to look and think up something...AS if I had the crapping time to sit down and eat!!! Why ask me that. When did I have the time between dad, mom, daughter??? EArlier I took daughter to the dentist sat there for 1 and 1/2 hour came home to a mom pacing back and forth anxious because she didn't know if I was going to make it home to take her to the hair salon and she couldn't remember what time appt was!!! Then as I try to eat something she is sitting there in the dining room where there is better light doing her frou frou face. Complaining oh my eye liner keeps smearing. Im thinking geez louise if only I had just that to worry about. She could be suffering somewhere else but lives basically in the lap of luxury here..although she doesn't know it...I mean I know it has to be hell to grow old..but dang it is hell to take care of someone who is old and who I do all the worrying, carrying her emotional burdens so she doesn't stress out...woah is me...is my eyeliner smearing?? NO...because I don't have the friggin time to put a bit of makeup on most of the time..or the energy actually...Queen...my mother is the Queen (of nothing) and if it weren't for me..she would REALLY be depressed.

Girls, Girls, Girls, Sjohnson9, Oh my god, I have cried many days to my mother telling her that I try to please her in every way and there is no pleasing. Nothing I do is right. I can't stop my husband, kids, etc. from saying the wrong thing and she gets mad at me for it. What you need to do is call her bluff and say Mother if you think thats what you need to do than the choice is totally up to you. Believe me, she'll say nothing after that.

Cindi, my day started out just as well. I'm sick with the flu since Sunday night, but continuing the daily grind. Bought Dad a new electric razor for Easter, He is on his 5th one that he has ruined and insists I bring each one back. Well this one is no different, only has it one day and wants me to bring it back. Said if you don't want to bring it back he will ask one of my no-care sister-in-laws to do it. Like they are saints. They won't even keep them for one day. Went BOLISTIC. Then he plays havoc with his bowels taking immodium one day and crying because he can't go the next. Told my mother I can't take this any more. She thinks he is the problem, He thinks she is the problem. I got news for them, ITS BOTH!!!. I don't know if you can say this on this website by I wished, not out loud, that they would both drop dead. Then I feel guilty. I don't feel guilty telling you that I wished this because I have been pushed to this point. To the point of no return. He says hes going to live till she dies. She is only 80 and all her family has lived well into their 90's and he is 83 and has had 3 strokes. Don't think I'm going to make it until the addition is finished. HELP! I just needed to get that off my chest. LUV, Marylynne

Girls, Girls, Girls, Sjohnson9, Oh my god, I have cried many days to my mother telling her that I try to please her in every way and there is no pleasing. Nothing I do is right. I can't stop my husband, kids, etc. from saying the wrong thing and she gets mad at me for it. What you need to do is call her bluff and say Mother if you think thats what you need to do than the choice is totally up to you. Believe me, she'll say nothing after that.

Cindi, my day started out just as well. I'm sick with the flu since Sunday night, but continuing the daily grind. Bought Dad a new electric razor for Easter, He is on his 5th one that he has ruined and insists I bring each one back. Well this one is no different, only has it one day and wants me to bring it back. Said if you don't want to bring it back he will ask one of my no-care sister-in-laws to do it. Like they are saints. They won't even keep them for one day. Went BOLISTIC. Then he plays havoc with his bowels taking immodium one day and crying because he can't go the next. Told my mother I can't take this any more. She thinks he is the problem, He thinks she is the problem. I got news for them, ITS BOTH!!!. I don't know if you can say this on this website by I wished, not out loud, that they would both drop dead. Then I feel guilty. I don't feel guilty telling you that I wished this because I have been pushed to this point. To the point of no return. He says hes going to live till she dies. She is only 80 and all her family has lived well into their 90's and he is 83 and has had 3 strokes. Don't think I'm going to make it until the addition is finished. HELP! I just needed to get that off my chest. And Cindi, my husband says, my mom was just a spoiled child and now she sits on her throne giving orders. So, I know about the queen thing. LUV, Marylynne

Are you sure that maybe we aren't all related because i think we have the same mom, maybe they are all related, laughing.
Doc says that Dad will have to take antibiotics and nasal spray. Mom always goes along what for I don't know she is no help. I know what you mean about saying the wrong thing to them we are young snots, bratty and disrespectful and THEY know everything and we THINK we know eveything.
MLV, I give my Dad a stool softener once a week, he concentrates on going soooo much and he is sooo discriptive when he does or doesn't. He'll come out of the bathroom and say it was just wind.
My Mom wouldn't tell me if anything is wrong she supposedly had a bladder infection and didn't say anything then she had the stroke and the hospital asked her how long she had had it and she said two months.
this mornings argument was over a shirt that my Dad said was not his but it is. Since he can't see its real tough.
sjohnson9 I believe the Lord has given us these jobs because we are strong enough to handle them. In some way we are and we have to believe in ourselves, I know we are all doing the best that we know how. MLV I'm with you girl we give each other strength. I think of all of you girls everyday I believe we have meet each other for a reason and there are others out there just like all of us. OXOXOX Judy

hi girls, i have had a decent day, thank heavens. My ex husband, the father of my sons sent my mom a beautiful bouquet for her birthday, so she was cheered by this. and my friend came in from his job for a couple of days, and he and i had fun. he even helps me in my flower bed, and stuff. Mama so adores this guy and today she said to him, i dont know why you two dont get married. This really embarassed me, but he handled it well. He said, well, i would love to marry your daughter, but she doesnt want to get married. (this is true). Marylynne, you touched on something that i have had trouble with . My sister in law, the widow of my brother, comes by here for maybe 30 minutes twice a week, and my mother thinks the sun rises and sets in her. cannot say enough good things about her. I have begun to call her the princess. She has never, in the 7 years i have been taking care of mama, never once, offered to help in any way. Once she came by going to the cemetery, 5 minutes away, and asked my mom to go. You would have thought she had been on a cruise, from the excitement she had. Other than that, all she has done is NOTHING. and she gets all this praise, and mama feels so sorry for her because she lost her husband. DUH, uh i lost my husband too. I told my mom so, and she said, well, he was not near as good a man as your brother was. OK so she didnt like my husband? He spent his last days in misery because of her constant nagging. and she has the nerve to say something like that?
my moms latest nag is at me. she wants me to cut my hair off short, says old women do not wear long hair. well, this old lady does. first of all, i do not have the time nor the inclination to mess with perms and rolling and gelling and all the crap that goes with short hair. i just put mine up and let it go at that. but at least today i have, by the grace of God, gotten along well. it is bed time, so will close, glad to see you here again sjohnson, you are the one who started this and it has been a life saver for me and i think for judy, cindi, and marylynne, thanks for that. love you girls, donna